What a long exhausting weekend... I went to my friend Alisha's house on Saturday. BIG MISTAKE. She's pregnant and about as big as a house... I miss that so much. Our friend Brandy was there... she used to babysit for Nickolus before me and Michael got back together. She has a little girl who's 3. She came up and asked me if Nickolus was still dead. I kept it together infront of them but I felt it all coming at me at once and got up and left and I couldn't stop crying. I went to the cemetery on the way home and just laid on his grave and cried for like 30 minutes kicking and screaming like I'd lost my mind. Then, yesterday I went out with my mom. She was trying to make me feel better by doing some shopping... We were waiting in line at this department store and there was a lady with a little boy probably about 3 or 4 months old infront of us... I just kept staring at him and then i broke down and had to go to the restroom. I cried the whole time we were out. This was't supposed to happen.. not to my Nickolus. He was supposed to be my little partner he was so perfect in so many ways. He was such a flirt and such a cute baby. I was going to have to beat the girls off with a stick and now i'll never have the chance. I want my son back so bad why does sids happen i'm so angry