Well yesterday my boss had a talk with me.. I've been working with her for over a year now. She knew me when I was pregnant, she was there for me when I had Nickolus, and there for me when he passed. She left our old job and took me with her to this new place I work, we've been here about a month and a half. And I've got to tell you it's hard learning about all this new stuff I need to know about and dealing with my son's death. I truely don't care about anything anymore and it's really showing. The poor job I'm doing is now putting her in jeopardy. She knows I can do the job, I'm just in a slump. I'm seriously sliding into a very deep depression. It's like I'm drowning and I just can't find my way to the top. I don't know what to do, I've lost my way... I thought there was a purpose for my life when I had Nickolus... I feel that I failed my son because I wasn't there to protect him from this... My days are getting harder to deal with. It's harder and harder for me to get up and get out of bed and be motivated to move on with my day. My mom called my gynocologist for me yesterday and spoke with him. I don't have insurance anymore so I can't go see him, but luckily enough he called me in a Rx of an anti depressant to help get me out of this. I feel kinda weird today, I was really tired this morning and now I'm kinda jittery... I want to try and have another baby but with all this thats going on I don't know if I physically can. I've had 4 periods in the past 2 months and they've been so heavy it's like i'm having a miscarriage each time. I've never been irregular like this. The only time I was off was when I was pregnant. I don't know how to handle everything that is going on in my life right now I just don't understand why this is all happening. I miss my little boy so much...