10/7/2013
Still spending a lot of time in the dumps. Been missing my mother so very much lately. Still a month till the anniversary of her death, so dont know what this is about. One night I just cried and cried and cried. Have tears now just thinking about it...sigh....
Also having trouble keeping the Skunk and #4 out of my head. All kinds of thoughts. All kinds of scenarios, etc...I remember what it felt like to be packing and counting down the days till he would come and move me to his place. I picture them doing that. I picture their first Christmas together here and I remember ours. i remember all our "firsts". The things we did together that they will now do. I still have trouble figuring out how we got from there to where we are now. It's hard...I need to focus on my own life and my own future and the life I am building for myself...So hard to turn my brain off, though. I try to change channels by reading when I realize my thoughts are in that direction. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.
Friday, when I get my money, I'm going to reserve my train tickets for my Christmas trip to Georgia. My Thanksgiving cruise is coming up really fast. All kinds of things scheduled for me to do in the next couple months...Life out there just waiting for me to live it instead ofwasting it by wallowing in self pity.
Thinking..actually knowing I have some more hard times to get through in regards to skunk and #4....just have to put one foot in front of the other and get through it. Eventually, all those things will be over with. the wedding. The first few times I see them out and about in town, etc....Just like with my mother's death...the "firsts" are always the hardest to get through.
Ah well. I will be fine. Not like this is the first time I've gone through this with him. Difference is that last time we were not even living in the same state, so there was no worry about running in to him/them. As hard as it seems and as trite as the saying is: this too shall pass. It has before and it will again.
Also having trouble keeping the Skunk and #4 out of my head. All kinds of thoughts. All kinds of scenarios, etc...I remember what it felt like to be packing and counting down the days till he would come and move me to his place. I picture them doing that. I picture their first Christmas together here and I remember ours. i remember all our "firsts". The things we did together that they will now do. I still have trouble figuring out how we got from there to where we are now. It's hard...I need to focus on my own life and my own future and the life I am building for myself...So hard to turn my brain off, though. I try to change channels by reading when I realize my thoughts are in that direction. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.
Friday, when I get my money, I'm going to reserve my train tickets for my Christmas trip to Georgia. My Thanksgiving cruise is coming up really fast. All kinds of things scheduled for me to do in the next couple months...Life out there just waiting for me to live it instead ofwasting it by wallowing in self pity.
Thinking..actually knowing I have some more hard times to get through in regards to skunk and #4....just have to put one foot in front of the other and get through it. Eventually, all those things will be over with. the wedding. The first few times I see them out and about in town, etc....Just like with my mother's death...the "firsts" are always the hardest to get through.
Ah well. I will be fine. Not like this is the first time I've gone through this with him. Difference is that last time we were not even living in the same state, so there was no worry about running in to him/them. As hard as it seems and as trite as the saying is: this too shall pass. It has before and it will again.
Replies
You are so right: This too shall pass. I had to keep some contact with the ex and for me it was easier when I finally cut all ties but I\'ve never seen the new wife. I have pictures of her but I haven\'t and won\'t see her in person.
It is easier when you are many states away from them. You will get thru the firsts times that are so hard for you. Just know that your mother will always be with you in your heart and mind. I still think about my dad and when I\'m in a bind I ask \"Okay dad how would you handle this?\"
You are making such wonderful plans. A Christmas trip to GA and a Thanksgiving cruise. You are making a life for yourself and moving forward.
Thanks Trish.Looking forward to all of it. The train trip to Georgia is a bit interesting because WE were planning that 2 years ago. Had bought our tickets and everything. Reservations made...Of course that was before everything hit the fan that thanksgiving. But, I want to do the trip and no reason I cant do it by myself. Reservations are made and I have my train ticket. Whoo Hoo. I Expect i will run in to \"them\" as small a town as this is. But you know, I\'m only going to run in to them for the first time...once. When I think of it and feel the pain I try to balance that with things I know about him that I know she doesnt know. But really I want to get to the point where I dont think of them at all. Little by littel