10/4/2013
Sigh. Looked at myself in the mirror today. Thought, "well, no wonder he doesn't want me anymore. Who would want a woman who looks like that. Over weight, glasses, needs a haircut and a dye job, etc etc. And that doesnt even take in to account the bad hearing and bad teeth and moodiness and cutting sarcasm and laziness and and and. She's small with long flowing hair, no glasses, no hearing aids, etc....Wow. Pity party table for one. Let the whining begin.
In reality I know it wasnt what I look like that caused him to go looking for someone else. Just having one of those poor poor me days. That was the way I thought right after we split, too. "I'm not a desirable woman. No man is ever going to want me again, etc etc." I even did something I have never done before. I had a fling...It was nice. The man was nice. We had a good time. We were not either one expecting it to be anything more than a fling. Nobody got their feelings hurt. Though it goes against my beliefs, I dont regret doing it at all. It was what I needed at the time.
And I know that it's just what I am feeling right now. Cause often when I walk thru a parking lot at the store and I'm in a good mood and give off positive vibes, men smile at me in passing. And I have never been the type that had to be with a man to feel complete or good about myself. I'm ok without a man by my side. Still, there are times, there are days, when I really feel the need to be attractive to someone. To be wanted by someone. To be held by someone. Part of me knows that I could have that again. That my age, looks, baggage, etc...wont keep me from being loved by someone. But today, the part of me that says "sheesh, give that woman a paper bag to put over her head" is in control.
In reality I know it wasnt what I look like that caused him to go looking for someone else. Just having one of those poor poor me days. That was the way I thought right after we split, too. "I'm not a desirable woman. No man is ever going to want me again, etc etc." I even did something I have never done before. I had a fling...It was nice. The man was nice. We had a good time. We were not either one expecting it to be anything more than a fling. Nobody got their feelings hurt. Though it goes against my beliefs, I dont regret doing it at all. It was what I needed at the time.
And I know that it's just what I am feeling right now. Cause often when I walk thru a parking lot at the store and I'm in a good mood and give off positive vibes, men smile at me in passing. And I have never been the type that had to be with a man to feel complete or good about myself. I'm ok without a man by my side. Still, there are times, there are days, when I really feel the need to be attractive to someone. To be wanted by someone. To be held by someone. Part of me knows that I could have that again. That my age, looks, baggage, etc...wont keep me from being loved by someone. But today, the part of me that says "sheesh, give that woman a paper bag to put over her head" is in control.
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