10/10/2013

Back on my meds. Will take a few days for them to kick in. Sixteen years ago I was living in Memphis and was 3 weeks away from marrying the love of my life; the person who meant everything to me in the world. Now, there is a woman in West Virginia getting ready to move here to be with him. I know what she's feeling.
It hurts. It's going to hurt. Yes, I do know it's for the best. Yes, I do know I am better off, etc....Still....it hurts and it's going to hurt for awhile. Last night I was thinking...again. How did we get from him being everything to me; the very air I breathed....to him moving #4 here to take my place? Suddenly, poof: Yes, he was everything to me. He was the very air I breathed...But, I was not that to him.
Simplistic? Sure. But if the person doesn't mean everything to you and the past has shown how easy it is to get a replacement, then of course you are not going to do all you can to fix whatever is wrong. Once you decide you are done, which coinicidentally usually is the same time you zero in on another, then you are totally done.
Sigh, and of course when you come right down to it, the reason doesnt matter. It's over no matter what the reason. I'm lonely, terribly lonely.