10:07 am Thursday May 23rd

sinking into this chair with many thoughts swirling through my mind.  found a netflix documentary about the frontier trains in India.....the first episode was great.  feel like God took a giant can opener to my frustrated foolish complaining thoughts and gave me perspective.  provided me with a new attitude.

a young man.....married with three children speaks of how his family shares sorrows and happiness together.  such a poetic expression of his life.....he sells chocolates on the maitree......a train that runs from india to bangladesh.  he has chocolates to please the palates of his indian customers and his bangladesh customers.  the train has air conditioned compartments that cost 16 pounds per passenger, but the non air conditioned open cars cost 5 pounds per person.  some look at this lack of cool air as an opportunity to take in the wonderful air of their home country.....others complain at the heat.  complain that this young man's chocolates are soft, he needs to give them a discount, why doesn't he keep his products chilled? they complain, they barter and he tries to stay uplifted despite the challenges......his income provides for his family of five and they barely manage from day to day. 

he has saved and saved and finally the day comes, he can go to a big store and purchase a red cooler with a handle to store his chocolates in.  it is no small thing......the whole family marvels and chatters with excitement over this wonderful addition to the family.  they have a celebratory dinner .....they eat their rice and vegetables sitting on the floor with their hands.......they are happy, they are blessed to have this much needed tool to sell more chocolates to the train passengers. 

another young boy left his family......they wanted him to study a particular course of religion, he wanted to get a regular education, to increase his knowledge and make something of himself.  he can see that education will change his course......but first he must survive.  so he sells newspapers to people riding the maitree.  he wears a simple shirt, pants.......he has no shoes.  but he is hopeful....he sells his papers, over time he has built up some regular customers who greet him with smiles and thanks.  then a special time comes, EID.....I haven't looked this up yet, but it must be a holiday of some sort that usually brings families together ....but he isn't going to go home this year.....he will not allow himself to go home until he makes something of himself.  he denies himself this comfort ....thinks of his mother and cries.  he is only 16........

he finally makes a decision, he will go to an NGO (not sure what this means, but it seems to be a school for the less fortunate at no cost to himself).....he arrives and expresses his heartfelt desire to learn.  it means some personal humiliation for him because he must start his learning with the little ones.......his need to learn is greater than his shame.  they allow him to join in but first they make him go wash up, clean his hands, his feet, his hair......make himself presentable.  we see the joy in his eyes for he is learning.....he is doing something many have no access to......education/learning.....they are powerful for all.  there is a shot of him where he looks so clean and shiny......he's gotten a hair cut and he is making something of himself.  i wanted to reach into the screen and hug him hard.....always a momma!

so many stories .....i marvel and worry about those passengers riding on top of the train cars.  not sure but i think that they are allowed to ride free if they are willing to suffer the possiblities of death riding up there.  they look packed in and yet comfortable.  i try to imagine myself being lifted up by my arms on top of a railway car.......to sit in the open air at heaven knows what speed.....and be ok doing it......taking my children up there.......these are brave people, they find a way.......

we have so much .......then i think does the man who owns a $50 mansion in new jersey think my life is intolerable?  hard to take?  no way to live?  does he think my limited budget and little cottage define me as a failure or a success?  does he think i lacked in ambition because this is the life i lead on such a small amount..........?  i don't have ceilings that have come over on ships, marble tile from italy......i don't have a zoo, a heliport.......a yacht......an olympic pool.......i don't own a private island......fly from here to there on my own private jet.......as i type all this it makes me smile.  i really don't care.....some luxuries would be nice i confess.......if i woke up to discover an inground pool and a hot tub i would celebrate.....if it came with a pool boy and all expenses/maintenance covered for life I would think i was living a version of heaven on earth......to wake up, walk out and swim or soak daily???? oh myyyyyyyyyyy........but every now and again i get to do that.  swim or take a hot tub........when i feel good enough, when i have the energy........the beaches and pools open this week end and with all that i'm signing off for now. 

time?  10:32 am.......hugs, serce live from sparrow cottage