1/5/2014
Things are mostly going well. Have seen him at the store a couple times from the back. He didnt see me and she was not with him. Didn't hurt. Had to talk to him yesterday about some financial stuff. Pinched a little.
The hard times are the weekends, holidays, and evenings. I'm so terribly lonely. Someone to hold me. Someone to talk to. To go to dinner with. Take a walk. Hold hands. Travel. Yes I have friends I can do most of these things with. But it's not the same.
There are things that I can do to get myself out and about, meeting people.Its hard to make myself do it. I'm almost 59 years old, overweight, glasses, hearing aids, bad teeth, etc. Definitely NOT the cutest on the catwalk, even on my best days. And yes, that shouldn't matter, but we all know it does. Sigh. Not sure that the person I am looking for exists. Someone who will love me and accept me as I am...the way I thought the ex did...
Back to work tomorrow. That will help. Have not been taking my meds regularly, so that could be part of it. I know better than to mess around with the meds. Hate going to bed at night because my brain wont stop. It's like a runaway train where the tracks never end.
Worried about my hearing. I think it's worsened in the last month. And I dont have much left to lose. Will have to get that checked out. Big goal for January is to get my name changed back.
The hard times are the weekends, holidays, and evenings. I'm so terribly lonely. Someone to hold me. Someone to talk to. To go to dinner with. Take a walk. Hold hands. Travel. Yes I have friends I can do most of these things with. But it's not the same.
There are things that I can do to get myself out and about, meeting people.Its hard to make myself do it. I'm almost 59 years old, overweight, glasses, hearing aids, bad teeth, etc. Definitely NOT the cutest on the catwalk, even on my best days. And yes, that shouldn't matter, but we all know it does. Sigh. Not sure that the person I am looking for exists. Someone who will love me and accept me as I am...the way I thought the ex did...
Back to work tomorrow. That will help. Have not been taking my meds regularly, so that could be part of it. I know better than to mess around with the meds. Hate going to bed at night because my brain wont stop. It's like a runaway train where the tracks never end.
Worried about my hearing. I think it's worsened in the last month. And I dont have much left to lose. Will have to get that checked out. Big goal for January is to get my name changed back.
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