03/24/2022

My hubby and I have been empty nesters for three years since my youngest moved out in early 2019. Since then, dealing with my fibromyalgia, depression, and other health issues has been much more difficult.  When there are other people to care for in the house plus a full time job to work, it's easy to not worry about your troubles.  You don't have time to do so. 

When my kids were little I would have given anything for this time in my life, to have my children grown, with plenty of money to do things, and so much time to do them.  And yet, most of my days are filled with watching television until I fall asleep after work, just to wake up the next day and do it again.  I don't have the desire or drive to do many of the activities I once did.  Ten years ago when I first met my hubby, I filled most of the free hours we had with activities: hiking, visiting art galleries and museums, going to concerts, street festivals, and fine dining events.  Now, even the thought of having to plan for such an outing is exhausting.  We still go out.  We meet with a small group of friends for dinner once a week.  I make plans with my girlfriends a few times a month, but the rest of the time is just spent at home waiting for the day to end.  I want to go back to the interesting life we had before, but I cannot make myself do it. 

I have become tired of being tired.  I am making some small changes daily to get my health and energy levels back.  We purchased a new bed that has been helping with me getting better sleep.  I have recommitted to the low-fodmap diet, including social events, and I am adding more anti-inflammatory foods into my daily eating repetoire.  I have also cut back on the CBD oil, using it only when absolutely necessary, as even without the THC it is still a depressant.  I think I need to begin meditating again.  I know that helped when I was better at keeping it a regular practice in my life.  I just need some time and space.  That part is hard for my hubby.  He takes everything personally.  Just becuase I am struggling, doesn't mean he caused it.  Even when I tell him over and over my current funk has nothing to do with him, he doesn't believe me. 

I know there are times in life when I will be down, but over the last three years it has been a lot.