I like watching a youtube-r named Justin Scarred he has a couple of chanels, but he is a young man "on a quest for postivity."  He has been through some challenges and started his youtube chanel as a way  doing his own therapy. Trying to see and share the positives about life. I admire that. I struggle with that.

There are so many things that i can get down on myself for. So many mistakes that haunt me. so much that I want to allow to take over me - burry me in the pains and suffering of the world. It is hard to focus on the positives in life. When I start to wallow in self bitty, I get lost very quickly. So many years worth of life that can overtake me. 

So what is happy today... as I continue to  seek out the hapiness in the world to pull me out the rut... pit... I seem to be in. Today was my daughter. Clara had dental surgery... not the good kind. She did not have enough of her own bottom gumms for her teeth to remain in her mouth. The dentisted feared they would actually fall out - especially if we put braces on the bottom, like we have the top. So last week, she had cadavar gumms sewed onto her existing lower gumms. We have spent the last week eating soft foods, tearng foods, banning straws.... Doing anything and everything that would help these cadaver gumms to take hold. 

Today was our first check up at the periodontist for her surgery. I was terrified because the covering was loose and her gums underneath looked white and pastey. Clara has been amazing through it all. The surgety was done with only novacae origionally in the dentist chair and she was amazing. She didn't cry or fuss. She was amazing. Today when he looked at it, tore the old covering off and put on new, she never flinched and was amazing. He said that it looked great and that she was keeping it clean and it was healing. 

We were told that the layers of skin on the outside will slowly die as her mouth adapts this new skin as her own, so this is why the covering (which is made of skin appoxy) cam lose and the skin under neath looked so bad. He said it is healing normally. So happy to hear that this is going right. 

I love her periodontist. He isin his 70s and has been a dentist for ever. He is very sweet - but a little gruff sometimes because he has been around the bush so many times there is no fooling him and he never minces his words. I like that. What I love more is that the first time I met him, he told Clara how special she was. The second time I met him, he held me to tell me how special she was and how much it showed that I worked very hard with her to help her be a special child. Today he held my hand and reassured me that we were doing verything right - not just with her mouth, but with her as a person. 

In working with families for years, I always tell parents that they are amazing people who deserve an award for working the hardest job in the world without pay or thanks. I am clear to always point out the good in each parent and their children - no matter how small and trivial it may seem to others, because every person has redeeming qualities and if we focus on the good, we can build on the good things about that person. One of the things draining about my job, though, is that I pour all of this positive energy into others that at the end of each day, there is nothing left for me. I am so drained, so beat up by the world, that to hear my children be children, I lose myself, and cause fights. My kids call me all the things that kids call parents and thought I do not take it to heart, I cannot shake that emptiness that never is filled.

I am the cheer leader to so many parents, but where is mine?

This man... this periodontist ... this C. Thomas Qualey, DMD .... he is the first person in the three times we have had encounters that has cheered me as a parent in a very long time. So many want to see the the negatives - the things that are still being worked on - and give their opinions as to the way that it should be ..... so few look at how much worse it could be or have any idea of the road that has been traveled to get to where you are. 

Thank you for the simple things in life that help us stay grounded and appreciate where we are as people. 

Thank you for my amazing daughter. 

These are my "quests for positivity" that I have found for today and want to share with others. 

Parents are often neglected and tossed aside - forgotten by the many things that their children do imperfectly. Let me say that every parent - no matter what you think of the woman with the screaming children in the mall or the woman breast feeding at he public fountain or even the woman who has left her children in foster care due to addictions - every parent is doing the best they can and should be celebraed for the positive efforts that they have made. 

Thank you Dr. Qualey. 

:) Susie