Missmom...I had a day yesterday that started to send me into recklessness as well. I was BORED out of my friggin MIND!!! I was even contemplating a VISIT!! For absolutely NO GOOD REASON...just to stir up the drama!! I got thru it...I hope you did as well. I forced myself to fixate on something more positive. I knew my daughter was coming over for dinner today so I made myself go buy a Crock Pot! LOL...and then go to the store and buy ingrdients for a pot roast. I know it sounds silly and mundane...but the darn Crock Pot saved my sanity!!
How did you get through your day?

Boredom. Exactly. And I have a 4 year old who is a potential candidate for ritalin. I should NOT be bored.
It's emotional restlessness..the worst thing ever. I don't feel wanted. I have my pick at any guy except for the ones I want most who happen to be the ones completely beyond my reach.
I got through it. I threw myself in my work, went shopping during my lunch hour, played soccer with my son inside our apartment (my neighbors hate me)..I watched 3 back to back episodes of real housewives of new jersey which was so redundant because that freaken show reminds me of my ex who is the biggest meatball on the planet. It made me miss his stupid macho caveman ways.
It's hard because I know that if I call him (M), he'll jump at the chance to see me.

Anyway, the day is done. I just hope tomorrow doesn't give me more of the same...

Yeah, find myself wanting to slip into unhealthy behavior if I am bored or stressed out. Withdrawal is hard, I wonder if it ever ends. Sometimes I feel like it's over, then I find myself sucked back into addictive behaviors.

My power slipped away a couple of weeks ago. I have just been planning on going out of town tomorrow with our friends. I need to see him badly.
There is nothing wrong with you Missmom. This urge is normal, we feel empty without the thrill and the excitement.
I'm not over this either and I'm rather convinced that I will never be.

I am coming to see the Boredom is and has been a dangerous thing in my life. My inability to relax and be comfortable inside a space of peace and happiness has caused me to behave recklessly many times...and my reckless behavior has created stress and chaos in my Life. My goal, now, is to use Boredom, when it hits me, as a tool to inspire me to act in more positive and productive ways...rather than with recklessness.

A definition of Boredom from Wikipedia: "Boredom has been defined by C. D. Fisher in terms of its central psychological processes: “an unpleasant, transient affective state in which the individual feels a pervasive lack of interest in and difficulty concentrating on the current activity.”[4] M. R. Leary and others describe boredom as “an affective experience associated with cognitive attentional processes.”[5] In positive psychology, boredom is described as a response to a moderate challenge for which the subject has more than enough skill.[3]

There are three types of boredom, all of which involve problems of engagement of attention. These include times when we are prevented from engaging in some wanted activity, when we are forced to engage in some unwanted activity, or when we are simply unable, for no apparent reason, to maintain engagement in any activity or spectacle.[6] Boredom proneness is a tendency to experience boredom of all types. This is typically assessed by the Boredom Proneness Scale.[7] Consistent with the definition provided above, recent research has found that boredom proneness is clearly and consistently associated with failures of attention.[8] Boredom and boredom proneness are both theoretically and empirically linked to depression and depressive symptoms.[9][10][11] Nonetheless, boredom proneness has been found to be as strongly correlated with attentional lapses as with depression.[9] Although boredom is often viewed as a trivial and mild irritant, proneness to boredom has been linked to a very diverse range of possible psychological, physical, educational, and social problems."

This definition seems to fit my personality quite well. I think I have been prone to Boredom my whole life. There are very few things that hold my attention for long...which has caused me problems.

Lately, meaning over the past year or two, I have not felt as much Boredom. I am learning to stay in the Moments much more than before and to be more engaged in those moments. I am also learning that Boredom, for me, is not trivial at all...in fact it is a trigger for me to act out in unhealthy ways...becoming aware of this I am better able to handle it when it comes over me.

I totally agree with cindy that boredom is an opportunity for peace and also a time to consider new healthy activities or we can fill it with the same old FAMILIAR crap. The past few days I've been missing him and remembering the good times. that doesn't last long because I always come to point of feeling very resentful. still working on just letting it go and creating a comfortable existence for myself.

I miss him too very very much. wonder how he is, if he is ok, I miss his voice. I am so sad these days.

Ha Missmom, I think we all have days like this. It's very difficult to resist the urge... I don't really have the temptation to text him, but I have gone places hoping to 'bump' into him to see how he was. I was talking to his friend yesterday... brough tback a lot of memories. But I keep thinking my mind is playing tricks on me, and I also blame my hormones lol! I thiknk boredom is also our worst enemy, so I try and keep busy. It's important to keep doing stuff that truly stimulate your centres of interest, if you see what I mean. The more you do stuff you truly enjoy, the happier you are in your own shoes, the more likely you are to meet like-minded people, and the best chance to nurture your wounded soul... and then you will be able to get out of the WWLTM vicious circle... well that's my plan anyway... but it's tough because that g*t has managed to convince me I was boring. Argh.

I treat my unhealthy relationship like and addiction. Just like an addict I take one day at a time. I made it through yesterday, I am working through today. Just like and addict I keep my drug of choice out of reach, so I have deleted his phone number from my phone list and that helps with the urge of calling or texting. However, I do still have his email address and I have to stop myself from emailing when I have a moment of weakness. Whenever I am week, I have to remind myself that it was only for that day and that the next day I can start over. Keep strong and take one day at a time.

I treat my unhealthy relationship like and addiction. Just like an addict I take one day at a time. I made it through yesterday, I am working through today. Just like and addict I keep my drug of choice out of reach, so I have deleted his phone number from my phone list and that helps with the urge of calling or texting. However, I do still have his email address and I have to stop myself from emailing when I have a moment of weakness. Whenever I am week, I have to remind myself that it was only for that day and that the next day I can start over. Keep strong and take one day at a time.

Missmom - "potential candidate for ritalin" cracks me up :) My middle one could climb over her baby gate BEFORE she could walk. It's a wonder I don't have a head full of grey hair, knock on wood...

I just posted (a really long post) about the boredom issue, it's #4 on there. But I had forgotten a point that you reminded me of. The loneliness. You are right in your summation that it is a moment of weakness...but you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are lonely. But the only reason you want to call "him" because he's a "sure thing". Even though he might "reject" you, there is that automatic intimacy established by your history.

Wikipedia says Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person feels a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate social relationships. It does not say because you broke up with your Narc. I would take that very literally...as it appears you did, and reach out - socially, to your support network - your friends, your family and your groups. It helps you remember that you are not alone. Hugs!

My moment of weakness won, Dink. I know if you saw in my big mistake post. I screwed up.
I'm trying to forgive myself but it's so hard. I worked really hard to get to a strong place, fought off too many urges, all for what? A stupid momentary lapse of reason.
I'm very disappointed in myself. I know you'd all tell me not too be so hard on myself but I have to be. It was NOT ok to text him, he treated me liek crap, I owe it to myself. I let myself down.

Missmom, if I was so hard on myself after all I did recently, I would probably be dead by now, so please take it easy.
Lots of love.