Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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why would someone do this

geejefflisa3
geejefflisa3
I got a call a few weeks ago from the women who is currently seeing the man that I have been with for the last 11 years, through those 11 years he has cheated on me numerous times, this lady is the latest one, well anyway she called to tell me that she was not seeing him anymore and listed many reasons why one being that he was cheating on her, myself being the trusting person that I am recalled to her some of the things that he had done to me, asking her to not tell him that I told her these things, but telling her no matter how much he has done I still love him and that I am going through hell without him. She told me she had no intention of ever talking to him again. ( why was I so stupid to believe she was telling me the truth) I say this because I found out that within that same week that she called me I found out that she has been talking to him and continues to this day talking to him. Why would she do this to me?? I don't understand, I would not try to hurt someone that way. Thoughts !
grapiclady
grapiclady
The question is not to know why the latest mistress of your man has called you.

The question is, why have you and are staying ELEVEN years with a man who has had all that time multiple misstress and affairs?

What is the point of clinging to a womanaizer for SO long?

When are you going to say STOP, I deserve much better, this has lasted to long and it is unacceptable, and leave?
grapiclady
grapiclady
A little adition to my response :

On top of eleven years of being dexcarded and humiliated, you could get AIDS from him.

Think about your integrity and your security first.
yougospam
yougospam
Cheaters have no morals. Cheaters will be cheated upon. Your best defense is to write this guy off and never talk to any of his "woman" if they have the nerve to reach out to you again. Time to go NC and leave his sorry a** behind. You deserve better and he will never change. I'm sorry to sound harsh but 11 years is a long time to put up with someone who treats you like that. Brush yourself off, put him and his ladies in the past where they belong and let them cheat amongst themselves. Please get some counseling and figure out why you still love him. It's hard to let them go, we know, that is why we are on this site but for your health and your little heart, let HIM go........
geejefflisa3
geejefflisa3
Grapiclady, & yougospam, thank you for your replies and I have been told over and over again the same thing, that is the problem. Now you are really going to think I am crazy, yes I have in a sense been with him 11 years but we had bought a house together and I leave that house every time he gets involved with another woman, I have been away now for 2 years the thing that is holding me to him is that he will call me and tell me that he really loves me and that we will be together some day and I hang onto that. This is were the problem comes in I can't stop thinking about him, I ask myself ( am I nuts) but the answer doesn't come, I have been to counseling and they can not figure out what to tell me anymore. The answers are all there I just can't seem to listen to them, why can't I let him go. I really do appreciate hearing from you. I just moved back to MA. from Florida and I am looking for a new counselor.
yougospam
yougospam
I had a really hard time letting my ex go, I thought I would die from the pain and some days I would have welcomed it. It is still a daily struggle for me. But one day the light bulb went off and I finally knew I deserved better so I am taking steps to get my heart and head on the same page. It is hard, it can be discouraging but we need to get our dignity back. They know we will always take them back so they basically do anything they want and know they can get away with it. NO MORE!!!!! Our friends and family can't help us, they don't understand our love and devotion to these men. We have to help ourselves, we have to stop it, one step at a time but that won't happen until we decide it's time. It's time, I think you know deep in your heart that it is. Take that first step, "unchoose" him.
Make this be your year for big changes, make it happen!!!! That's what I'm doing and it feels like I finally have control over my life. Do you really want to be living this same way a year from now????? Find your new counselor soon, if they can't help you, find another one. Get your life back, find yourself again, life is to short to be so miserable. Life is a beautiful thing, when was the last time you were truly happy??? This is about YOU now, aren't you worth it???
Sorry to be so preachy today but I have been where you are and I am proof that life can be better but it takes work, hard work and it starts with us, it starts today. Hugs
Blueshoes2
Blueshoes2
You need to get a better counselor that can provide Cognitive therapy. Interview the next one and ask if they are familiar with cognitive dissonance and cognitive therapy IF (and it is a BIG IF) you really want to be rid of him. You don't sound like you want to be rid of him, you would rather hold onto the fantasy. So you may not be ready for real change. There will come a year that you finally get so low and so angry that you will say "enough" and truly want out to save yourself. It just isn't now.
geejefflisa3
geejefflisa3
Thank you yougospam & blueshoes2 I am absorbing your advice and going to do my best to follow your suggestions, I do not want to hurt anymore. I really appreciate it.