But now they're back together and all is loved up and the same friends post on Facebook wishing them well and saying how fantastic it is they've found each other. Some of these are the same friends who were appalled at his behaviour. He's just back from a few days away in Glastonbury with his beloved "baby" as he calls her and is saying how dull and grey life is without her and looks forward tom seeing her again soon. How can people believe and support this charade knowing what he's like? He posted so many lies, so much bulls**t which was so obviously untrue. Yet people still love him and think he's fantastic and he's so happy and loved up. It's a just not fair.I want him to fall on his arse and soon. I don't want to feel like this. But hez's caused me to feel this way so he deserves a share of the pain, as does the new woman.

you sound like your in a lot of pain and it's not fair..=( I think when you find your own piece of happiness you wont think about him in a good nor a bad way. anyone who wishes you to be sick with cancer has an evil heart and you should stay away from that person...I wish you lifelong health...hope u get to a place where you dont even think about him. he is not worth it.

Linnda, I feel your pain, mine would call me horrible names just like yours dead and then he told me I should kill myself like my brother did and the night of my mothers wake he told me that she was probably glad she was dead so she didn't have to put up with my Fat A##! Yet, my best friend who was terrified of him and begged me to get away from him is now friends with him and the OW. She hated them for two years and pleaded with me to get away, yet she is now their friend and NOT mine! He feed her all types of lies and she has believed him and unfortunately this has spilled over into some of my other friends!!! But the reality as far as I am concerned is they were never truly my friends, now my therapist would disagree to an extent and tell me that he was able to manipulate me for 2 years and I should be a little more understanding of How this happened. Like I have told her and I maintain this, I had no knowledge of his manipulative behavior when I met him, but my friend saw me go through it every step of the way so as far as I am concerned SHAME ON THEM AND THEY WERE NEVER MY FRIENDS. Make new friends and try to turn a blind eye to this foolishness.

Thank you both for this. I wake up with the pain, get better during the day and then often end up with the pain at the end of the day after more stories ot lies filtering through. He presents such a loving, funny, caring personality on facebook and to others that peoole don't believe tge otger, dark side. It's just hard to work through these things on your own, particukarly when I'm coming up to my birthday in a couple of weeks. There isn't the culture of therapy or counselling here in the UK and therapists are often hard to find and then they're very expensive so we tend to try and work through alone. Thank goodnes for groups like this. I wish you were all closer.

When I read what this man said to you and how he has teated you, I am appalled.
Even though it hurts so much because his behaviour is so two-faced and now he is slathering someone else with sweetness, know that this is not you. It is not possible. This is at heart, a mean-spirited, screwed up, undeveloped human being.
He cannot change that much that she won't see his dark side too. It will just take time.
I am surprised about the lack of accessible counselling in the U.K. Working through things alone of this magnitude is not easy. Do all that you can to promote your own healing.

Thank you Creo. I know his dark side will be revealed. It already did once before when she threw him out. But because he's now the love of her life and she is his, somewhere in my poor broken heart and mind, I think that maybe I caused some of his behaviour, knowing at the same time I didn't. He kept saying it was my fault he was depressed or behaved like he did because I was chipping away at him and trying to control him. Like many on here, all I thought I was doing was trying to help as he seemed lost and often too sensitive for this world. But that is no excuse. There is accessible counselling here but counsellors are few and far between and there are usually long waiting lists and private counselling is often expensive. Also, the stoical spirit abides and we think we just have to deal with things ourselves, although I'm Irish not British. The Irish way is even more just to try and get over it as soon as you can!

Hugs Linnda. The thing I've learned about abusive men is that they usually are VERY GOOD at hiding their abusiveness from the outside world, even friends and family. The truth about abusive men is that they are often very charming and do not seem like a stereotypical abusive man. One of their abuse tactics is to rally people against the abused woman, and that includes friends. Even if they know what he did, they may not want to believe their friend could do something like that. This is all explained in the amazing book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. You may want to check it out if you'd like more detail.

I'd suggest for your own health and healing, to stop checking his facebook and online activities. And you may want to consider not being around these 'friends' anymore who support his side of the story and not yours. This information is only causing you pain. Its VERY hard to do. I'm having the same trouble letting go of what my ex is still doing! But we need to let go for our own healing. One thing that's worked for me is planning a reward for myself, like a nice coffee somewhere, if I go for x amount of days without checking his online activities. You may want to try that.
So best wishes going forward x

Goingup you are so dead on. Once you stop hearing things about "them" and you start focusing on you. those words wont matter. Abuse is abuse.. Dont allow him to hurt you anymore. I have had power reading with self help books. in 13 days no contact. though its been hard. with both my exhusband and exboyfriend we have alot of common friends. I stopped looking at what they were doing. Stopped caring what they said about me. because you know what, anyone who "REALLY" knows me will know what is true and how I FEEL.
Read, read read, those self help books once you keep at reading them, even though some does not apply, but most of it will help. without you realizing it. I woke up one morning and it was like a bomb exploded in my head.
Dont get me wrong, i'm probably on a high right now but i'm feeling like i don't want to feel that way again.
But we all have to feel it to move past it. Obsession is a result of our own lack of confidence in ourselves. Find some little thing to believe in yourself with and the rest will follow. I know i'll fall at some point but it won't be as far as i've fallen before. because i've been there and don't want to go back.

Allow yourself to heal. Let karma take over. Karma is an amazing thing. Luck to all

You wonderful women, thank you. I feel a bit stronger today and will get stronger, though I know I'll waver. I hope all of you are growing in self esteem and finding strength.

Hey Linnda, we here in this group have no doubt that this guy is an a*s*hole and you're telling the truth. These guys can be very charming, so was my man, the kind of the village, super popular, a real flirt, his mates looking up to him... especially on facebook. Grrr. But you know what, at the end of the day, facebook is not real life. A lot of people post stuff to look 'facebook happy and popular', and possibly to be *liked* back, so don't worry too much about facebook comments. Now it remains that some of his mates probably are genuinely happy about them being together... it's annoying, but I'm afraid you probably won't be able to do much about it. Just consider they don't have the brains or the emotional intelligence... or they have an agenda, perhaps they wanna be friends with him because they haven't got the balls not to be, or they have a lot of friends in common. Who knows... You're a strong woman, and you will learn to ignore him. For what you know, his new woman could be another WWLTM, and also he could be posting 'sweet' comments on facebook because he knows you can read them and wants to make you jealous... (I've had this sort of behaviour from my man, what a pr*ck). By the way, someone I used to know though work murdered his ex-back-on wife last year... and my then boss goes and sees him in jail, because they're mates... Honest to God, I'm like you, I can't begin to comprehend this kind of behaviour either... Keep strong, Linnda, you're above all this, treat them with the contempt they deserve...