Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
When the energy was positive & I was strong enough to tolerate his pessimistic & doom & gloom nature I felt like I was on top of the world. I had a game plan for the future, had great energy about my job & was just feeling good. After getting rid of him & truly seeing for the very sick individual that he is I've been battling depression. Nothing has changed for the worse in my life. Probably if anything it's gotten better but I still feel pessimistic and at times depressed with no energy. I will ruminate about the most horrible things he said to me in the end. He was so cruel as to cut every part of my so called flaws down. I still don't get that. Any help with this is appreciated.
The other day I wrote a birthday greeting on an ex-coworkers Facebook page. I have not seen her since 2007 when I was transferred to another State. Here is what she wrote back to me:
I just love your profile pic. It brings a smile to my face everytime I see it. It reminds me of how much joy you spread in the world everyday. When we worked together there wasn't a day that you didn't have a smile on your face spreading cheer! Thank you for the birthday wishes
And instead of being pleased by such a nice compliment. I got SO SAD. Because that is no longer me. That is who I was and not who I am. But that is exactly what they want. They are so bitter and angry (even if they are covert like xn and do not show it) they want to take our light. They are truly like vampires. But instead of blood, they drain us of our life force.
My friend CZ sums it up perfectly:
By the time the target realizes s/he has been manipulated, s/he has suffered emotional and psychological damage. For one thing, s/he loses her world view of a basically friendly universe where she is safe and can trust her own perceptions and intuition. This is tragic! She will spend at least some of her life getting over a debilitating encounter with a creature of the heartless kind. Her ego will be hurt and she will be humiliated for having been conned and she will work through the aftermath of self-doubt and regret. Her betrayal is pretty obvious though. She has evidence of the con-artists pathology.
Anyway, I'm fighting tooth & nail to remove this black cloud. I hate my that my energy is not what it was...
He did fill me in with everything that has happened to him in the past year - he lost his job back in April - drawing unemployment and looking to apply for disability. Had to (finally) move to a house he could afford instead of living beyond his means. His 16 year old daughter is pregnant and not living at home. None of this is a real surprise - him going down hill - I should be glad that he has fallen on harder times since I had advised him about the way things were heading. A friend of his and him were going to go into business together and get rich - that was all hot air!
I've asked why? Am I being tested to see if I have learned my lesson - boundaries? Why couldn't someone else's business be picked? I am really dreading this whole procedure - I even agreed to let him use MY house to meet with the IRS - he had heard you should never meet them at your own house - he shouldn't have to worry unless you are living beyond your means!
Then of course, I had always had the thoughts that is I DID ever see him again, I wanted to look stunning - and here I have put on some weight since I last saw him - UGH!! Not to whoo him back, but just to feel good about what he passed up -