Wow. A lot of red flags there. Sounds like a mix of my exes all put together. Passive aggressive, unreliable, dishonest, irresponsible, having to pay for everything yourself, the "toys". I totally get it. The sleeping with his son is an added creepy factor I haven't experienced yet. Bonus points for that one.

Sleeping in the same bed as his son is due to the fact that he is financially irresponsible and doesn't have a place to live. After he ping ponged back to his ex for a hot minute is when I got a place of my own! I couldn't trust him to keep a roof over our head. He made us break a lease on a gorgeous place (hurting both our credit) cause he needed to put his boat back in the water (costs a lot for the season) and thought he'd go back to his ex. He changed his mind in less than a week after I was gone. Ever since that time he hasn't been able to keep a stable place to live. Taking back control of my life fully has been very good. I just wonder how the hell I got down that road with him...I saw my good intentions and felt bad that he paid so much child support but it became ridiculous!!! I go through my moments of anger. Like when I made that list but thankfully it subsided and I am trying to appreciate what I have right now and that he is no longer my liability.

not my circus, not my monkey! just heard that one today..

i'm suer interested right now in that deep wound we seem to have around attachment and abandonment...for some reason that feels to me like the answer to why all these mixed intense, almost primal reactions...

sigh. i wish emotions were rational

Impressive list Belle..And you know very well if someone you knew said half those things to you about their boyfriend you would tell them to get out fast..Yet we seem to be unable to find our way out once we are in that situation..I am going through the same kind of list about my last relationship with my therapist and can't really believe I stayed through it all..

Finn..I think you are right..It is about attachment and abandonment...And in my case I wanted to prove I was better than the rest...Why I don't know..

Same here- I have a timeline of four pages of things he said and did to me over 12 yrs. I read it to my therapist and as soon as I was finished her first words were "after reading that to me do you still want to be with him?" It is unbelievable what some of us will put up with. My ex was so unstable, left me all the time, had job after job, moved from place to place, immature, emotionally unavailable, yet if he came knocking on my door tonight I would prob take him right back. And what does that say about me? That I still am dealing with attachment and abandonment issues and feelings of rejection after he found a new gf in four months. Crazy how we will deal with so much crap instead of kicking guys to the curb. Stay strong belle and do what is best for you!

I've made several journals with lists like this about the recent guy, hoping that I'd stay focused on all the cons and stop giving him more chances.

Just leave this guy...as soon as you can. Scared that you will not get another. Baby you will...:)) Not worth it...it's this simple. No need to even discuss or try to work it out. Just leave the shitbag....

Wow, my ex has done most of these things too, not sleeping with a son tho. I often wondered why I ignored all of the red flags......and I still wonder why I would take him back if he asked. I must be as messed up as he is. I am taking a class in Nov. that is being sponsored by the county health department, How to Avoid Jerks and Jerketes. I can't wait to learn ways to avoid falling in love with another loser next time around. I will share tidbits that I learn on here.

My personal opinion is that we don't care about ourselves enough. We have never learned that WE are more important than any relationship or guy. WE count. WE are special and have wants and desires and are kind loving people. But we give it all away and keep none for ourselves. If I can learn to love and trust myself I think I may be able to pick healthier guys and not STAY in horrible relationships for more than a second! This is my goal. What is your goal from looking back at these sick relationships?

My goal is to never lose myself in a relationship again. To take care of me first and everything else is secondary. To respect boundaries - my own and others. I can be a good girlfriend but I don't have to take care of everything at the expense of myself.

He doesn't abuse drugs or alcohol. He has been well employed at the same job for over 14 years. He is really good at his job. He has made irresponsible decisions with money in the past & was overpaying CS for a period of time but that has been resolved.
He & I were friends for about 5 months before I ever had feelings for him. I enjoyed his company. He was funny. We worked together & had friends in common. I loved his sense of adventure. I liked how much he loved me. We were like magnets when we fell in love. I felt like I could be completely honest with him & not be judged poorly. We had an awesome first year together until the money problems started & he lost his mind. Each time we hit a snag it was underlying money issues that pushed it. He'd then run back to his ex for a few days thinking that was the solution. He said he did it for the kids but I don't think I really believe that. This last time I said enough. I'm taking back control of my life & got my own place. I've never been this broke but I keep telling myself that this stability will get me back to my standard of life emotionally & financially.
As for my parents - That's a good one. I had very young parents. Mom is a narcissist. I was a caretaker & given too many responsibilities at too young an age. The oldest. I rememeber tension in my house but not what they fought about. I felt my Mom was mean to my Dad. They divorced when I was 13. I turned my Moms anger & disgust over my dad on him. I would say she was a mean & selfish Mom & person. Still kind of is. My Dad remarried & his wife cheated on him with her best friend, my Mom was demanding more CS. He was broke & broken & took his life when I was 20. I have been unable to have a very long term relationship ever since. Just when I think ok this is it a bomb gets dropped.

I have a tremendous threshold for pain. It's how I have coped all my life.