I love that you're giving yourself a massage and facial tonight. You deserve it! And I love that you are liking reality these days. Seeing things realistically is painful, too, but it's a very important part of the healing process. I'm in the "seeing things realistically" stage now, too. It's painful because I'm seeing just how delusional I was when I was in the relationship, but it's less painful than the confusion that comes from loving someone who was one giant lie.

Have a good weekend! Hugs.

any addictive behavior is actually the learned practice of ignoring our true potential. so I try to replace the time I would've spent with him doing things that i've always felt inclined to but have not gotten around to yet. for me, it's ballet and gardening. i'm trying to work myself up to doing some volunteer work top.

Getting a facial and massage sounds wonderful, what a great way to show appreciation for yourself! I like what swelsha said about addictive behaviors. It's true, isn't it.

For those of you obsessing about the Other Woman. From my friend Letting Go:

About the Ns and the Other Woman or New Women or OO (other object).

Remember, you are an Amazing Individual who has Intrinsic Value, thus your Uniqueness can not be Replaced, the N can only find a new source to deceive. The N will never find another YOU, only another Source. And you are nobody's Source!

You are no one's Object or Possession. You are a Unique Person who has Intrinsic Value and Worth, with a Destiny & Purpose for this World that only You can fulfill, thus You can Never be replicated, nor replaced.

NEVER FORGET that N is a Pathological liar - EVERYTHING out of his mouth is a lie. When he has said that he has found his Soulmate IMPOSSIBLE. Why? Because N's lack a Soul, thus it is impossible for them to have a Soulmate only a Object/Victim to supply him with Source. Do not the Illusion of his happiness fool you. Sure he is happy like any Nvamp is happy when they have a new victim -- do you want to be a victim? Of course not, so shatter this N's Illusion w/the Truth. Know the Truth and the Truth Shall Set you FREE.

http://dealingwithtoxicpeople.blogspot.com/2011/01/desperately-dancing-with-disordered.html

What letting go wrote reminds me of this picture. I love this picture.


http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CJpVJvgQFrk/TT8ioUhBJHI/AAAAAAAAA3k/SE7wBbvReNA/s760/uncaged.jpg

You have been RELEASED from the cage. The new OW is going in. Bless your release. The woman that posted this picture told me that she wanted to write the OW and say: My past is not just my past, it is your future.

Let her have him. You have been RELEASED. Rejoice.

From HarpLady:

These men are a comparison to the"potemkin village". Russian history (or myth) relates empty village facades constructed for looks only, to create an illusion of population and development to reassure passing royalty and dignitaries of the prosperity and population of an empty barren, desolate area. Definitions include: :attractive at first, but deceptive and ultimately bogus. Something that appears elaborate and impressive but in actual fact lacks substance. An impressive showy facade designed to mask undesirable facts. (from the russian term pokazukha: used for the idea of something that has been constructed merely for effect.

I love the last piece on pokazukha. How brilliant!

Regarding Weekends...I find that I start to worry about the weekend around Wednesday of each week. I get anxious if I have not made plans,,,I am finally realizing it is because I am afraid I will go into the darkness of PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) and I dont want the pain that goes along with that -- or the feelings of wanting to relapse my recovering by contacting him. So, I make plans. I actually make a list of what I am going to do on the weekends...everything is on there from taking a bubble bath to going grocery shopping...and I put things on there that are important to me also...like reading and writing and watching the sunset. As I do the things on my list I check them off and feel good about accomplishing things. It's simple but it helps me stay focused on MY LIFE instead of dwelling about HIM.
I, also, began volunteering as an Adult Literacy Tutor at the Library and we meet on Saturday Mornings, which is great for me because it gets me out of the house and into the world. I am looking forward to better weather so I can ride my bike down to the library on Saturdays for our tutoring session and then go to the farmer's market. Creating a new routine is important for me as it helps me to stay active and functioning instead of getting caught up in contant obtusive thought patters.
Thanks for this post -- I actually sort of panic about the weekends...it is a process of learning to be ok on my own.
Hugs to you all

I agree with Cndy2010...for me coping on the weekends I wouldn't have my kids was the most stressful and made me so anxious because I didn't trust myself NOT to contact him. I suppose I had to learn that how to be ok on my own. Over time it got better and yes, I had to plan my weekends out as much as possible. I would make a list of what I needed or wanted to do and I stuck to it. Without any direction I would just do nothing but stay home and cry. I find the busier I am, even if it's just me, the better. Recently I've taken on a few projects, for example I purchased an old desk and chair from Goodwill (a GREAT find by the way!!) and am redoing it. I've redone my bedroom too. For me, it's focusing on doing those things that make me happy no matter how big or small. Last night, I had nothing planned with friends so I decided to "date" myself!! LOL...I planned to watch a movie and make myself a wonderful (yet very fattening!) brownie sundae. So I sat in my pjs, watching my movie and enjoying my sundae...it was a great evening! :-) I can't have the sundae every weekend though!!!! LOL...but I do like "dating" myself no matter if it does sound really hokey!! If I can't be myself all alone then I can't be myself with someone else either!!