My ex was supposed to drop off some documents in my mailbox this morning and when I got home I found he had also dropped off an Author signed copy of a Love Story similar to ours in a lot of ways. I was devastated and couldn't figure out why he would do that. He later emailed to say he picked up this book for me a few weeks ago, so I guessed it was a Christmas present he had meant to give me and as it had already been signed in my name, he had decided to give it anyway. But the subject matter had me doubting whether it was just that or was he trying to give me a message about our relationship. In the end I decided to email him and ask. And he said, sorry, didn't mean to give you the impression that things could change between us, but thought it was a shame not to give you the book after lugging it halfway around the world.

It is 3 weeks since we broke up and I was coping fine. Then something like this happens and I am crying again. I get the intention behind the gift, but how could he not know it might send the wrong signal? Is he being deliberately cruel, messing with my head or am I over reacting or is he just a typical insensitive man? I know things were not right between us and I had made too may allowances for his bad behaviour in the relationship and therefore we had no future. But a gesture like this shows the awesome side of his which made me fall in love.

I need to sit with my grief and get through tonight. My son has gone off to his dad's for the night, so an especially bad time for it to happen. I am trying to find the strength......