Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Hi all. Susyp i need advice as im struglling still some days. I feel like im getting there at times but other times i feel my mind is driving me insane still with obsessive thoughts where i lay awake at night obsessing and disecting every part of the relationship. Its been nearly 2 months of no contact so is this normal. Im starting to feel abnormal. The damage these types of relationships do is something im still trying to get a grasp of. I feel sometimes im not moving on as well as other times that i am ,im still so confused sometimes.
In my group, I was always considered the strong one, the emotionally stable one, 'the rock'. Well that rock was left a quivering mess in the after math of a pathological relationship. As most women are. I had constant intrusive thoughts about him for ****************ONE ENTIRE YEAR**************. One year of zero contact, not one phone call, text or email and the constant thoughts persisted and persisted and persisted.
Not only did the constant thoughts persist in my waking life, I dreamt about him EVERY SINGLE night for the first 5 months. I could not even get away from him in my dreams. It was nightmare. Litterally.
This is completely normal and part of the process. The constant intrusive thoughts come from:
a) Cognitive dissonence
b) PTSD
c) Lack of closure
There is nothing you can do about it (other then EMDR therapy for the PTSD) then just accept them and know that with time and NC, they will cease. Anytime you implement contact, the cycle starts again.
The aftermath severity happens because the pathological uses forms of mind control.
It is hard to fathom but the pathologicals goal is to succeed in controlling and destroying a woman not to have a successful relationship with her.
Intrusive, upsetting memories of the event
Flashbacks (acting or feeling like the event is happening again)
Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)
Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma
Intense physical reactions to reminders of the event (e.g. pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating)
PTSD symptoms of avoidance and emotional numbing
Avoiding activities, places, thoughts, or feelings that remind you of the trauma
Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
Loss of interest in activities and life in general
Feeling detached from others and emotionally numb
Sense of a limited future (you dont expect to live a normal life span, get married, have a career)
PTSD symptoms of increased arousal
Difficulty falling or staying asleep
Irritability or outbursts of anger
Difficulty concentrating
Hypervigilance (on constant red alert)
Feeling jumpy and easily startled
Other common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder
Anger and irritability
Guilt, shame, or self-blame
Substance abuse
Depression and hopelessness
Suicidal thoughts and feelings
Feeling alienated and alone
Feelings of mistrust and betrayal
Headaches, stomach problems, chest pain
The main part of these pathological men is that show up as one thing, but they are something entirely different. This is a disorder of social hiding. This is an individual that is PROFOUNDLY disturbed but looks normal. In a normal relationship you dont have 2 different people to deal with. Here you are breaking up with dark side and the charmer.
What you miss is the charmer. What you broke up with is the dark side (and only true side).
Their disorder is this called the mask of sanity for a reason. They appear normal (better then normal - sweet, charming, handsome) but they are something else all together. These men have known they were different since they were children they are experts at hiding their dark side. If they showed you who they were, you would have gone running into the night screaming.
Here are some examples of what happens in these types of relationships:
You receive both:
bonding and abandonment
loving and loathing
child like vulnerability couple with adult mystique
support and sabotage
fun and then rage
the most wonderful soul mate you could have imagined as well as the sickest relationship you could experience all in one package
calculated and impulsive
idolized and devalued
aloof and super connected
kind and sadistic
capable and helpless
We are ping ponging all over the place.