Its hard to get through it but once its over it wont be so bad... Try to associate this day with something else amazing for you to think about in a positive way. I oncr had a boyfriend who had a birthday on the 12th. Latet i remarried and had a son on thay same day. Now i have a new reason to think about that day and i am so glad!!

Im trying.
I can't believe im still feeling this way.
Shouldn't i be moving on? Wtf

Missmom75 , be like Winnie the Pooh, he had 364 un-birthdays, so you can look forward to the 364 un-aniversary days which hold all sorts of wonderful, beautiful, amazing moments & people for you which you have yet to experience. (((((((hugs))))) 2 Butterfly

time will eventually heal you. it always does. when we broke up from my 7 year relationship I remembered not only our anniversary but his birthday and all his relatives birthdays..Not to mention that I was asked some months later from a guy in a bar to give him my phone number and I gave him my x's boyfriend's lol.!
Now.. 5 years later. If there is something I can remember is some good and bad moments we have shared. nothing else.
dont worry its just too early...
kiss..;)

Peace to you Miss--
just hold onto the good and exhale the bad.
It is okay to grieve.

Thank you all.
Sometimes i feel like all this is so redundant.
My outer dialogue, my inner dialogue...all you beautiful ladies' advice.
I want to erase him from my thoughts.
I don't understand any of it, really. We had a collective 2 or 3 months of good. How weak am i that i can't seem to get over it?

I think that's the bigger issue--the fact that such a short period of 'good' can make us ache for so long for more and a return to what we thought it would be. In my case, and I'm sure I am not alone, it is because I couldn't ever seem to get back to that feeling all the while knowing that it had existed, that made it very difficult to move on. My ego became involved--I wanted to 'get' him, like I had had my other partners. I never really did and even though he was here, moved in, said some of the right things, I did not feel safe and I desperately, desperately wanted to get back there. It was impossible. I had no control and no power and what he had shown me early on was who he can be totally unencumbered by fear/negativity/stress/pressure/expectation. There is a small window for him where his essence shines through. We are all like this to some extent in the beginning of relationships and I know too, that I was lighter, likely more fun, less earnest, less needy. I was cool with him coming/going, showing up/not. When I started to care....because that was the direction we moved in, it came apart. For him, the moment I started to be who I am as well--with needs/expectations (reasonable ones, I might add), he reverted to an old script about women sucking the life out of him and him feeling cornered/pressured. It brought out the worst in both of us. I think he is better off on his own. And as for me, I know that I learned a lot and I need to heal and move forward. I know that I deserve a wholly present partner who is available to me in all ways.

That's exactly it. For most of our relationship, after the good had passed, i was trying to recapture that magic we had in the beginning. As you said, i was much more carefree, there were no demands because he met my expectations without my asking for them. He was chasing me.

"I know that I deserve a wholly present partner who is available to me in all ways. " Well said Creo ! 2Butterfly