Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I thought I was finally getting over the stages of shock and hurt with my ex. I was even going through days without thinking much about him. Part of this was because I knew he'd moved a few hundred miles away to the other side of the country and I hoped and prayed he'd stay there. But knowing his new woman still lives up here in this area gave me the niggling feeling that he might return and today I've heard through the grapevine that this could be the case. The feeling of panic has returned. I could deal with him being a distance away but I really don't know how I'll manage if he is living close by with the constant worry that I might see him, and even worse, both of them together. We move in the same cultural circles so this is a big possibility. What has anyone else done in this situation? I'm so distraught again.
I found this helpful today.
Intent
Our intent is what governs how we think, feel and behave. Our intent is a powerful and creative force - the essence of free will. Your intent is your deepest desire, your primary motive or goal, your highest priority in any given moment. There are only two primary intents:
To learn about loving yourself and others, even in the face of fear and pain.
To protect yourself from fear and pain with addictive, controlling behavior and thereby avoid responsibility for your feelings and actions.
When your intent is to learn to love, you are willing to face your fears and feel your painful feelings in order to compassionately nurture them, or understand how you may be creating them and discover what you need to do differently. The deeper purpose here is to become a more loving human being, starting with yourself. When you open to learning about your own fear and beliefs and about what brings you joy, you move toward love. When the intent is to learn, learning about love becomes more important than protecting against fear. When your intent is to learn to love, your deepest desire is to find your safety, peace, lovability and worth through an internal connection with the unconditional love that is available on the spiritual level.
When your intent is to protect yourself from fear and pain, and avoid responsibility for your feelings, your deepest desire is to find your safety, peace, lovability and worth through externals, such as attention, approval, substances, things and activities. When you believe that others are responsible for how you feel, you try to control them in order to feel safe and worthy.
In every moment, each one of us chooses our intent - either to attempt to feel externally safe by controlling others and our own feelings, or to create inner safety by learning about loving ourselves and others. While the choices that others make may influence you, no one but you has control over your intent. Not even a Higher Power can control your intent, since that would negate your free will. In each moment, you choose what is most important to you, and in each moment you have an opportunity to change your mind.
It is from Innerbonding (dpalm above referenced it and I joined). It spoke to me loud and clear about putting aside shame (ie. protection/fear) and moving to a place of loving myself.