Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Hi ladies,
its me again.
First of all thank you all who replied my last post (desperate, broke no contact).
I was so desperate, feeling so hurt… it is been a tough week.
I wanted to share something with you all, I see all of you doing no contact, I am doing it too, and broke it this week, but what makes me worse is the fact that he DOES NOT want to contact me. I almost feel like he is the one doing no contact.
When I broke it this week, he picked up, said what he wanted, hung up and I kept trying, 5 HUNDRED times.
So, he is the person who has been hurting me for more than a year, I tried everything that I could think of, I accepted, I silenced myself, I tried to be a better person, and better and even better ( for what he would always say that I would do everything wrong and literally would say I was not good enough), I respected all of the “breaks” he wanted, and would always just wait for him, and try to show him what a good person I was, and how comprehensive I would be (which he never saw,)
Instead, he would keep saying that I was the problem in the relationship, that the way I would treat him was not good, OMG, I basically went insane with this, what the hell he wanted from me? Whaaaattttt???
He would ask everyday: Pls make me happy, and I would answer: what u want me to do? The answer: You know it. But I didn’t, I didn’t know, I don’t know, I will never Know, I tried so much.
In the end, I figure he was seeing someone else and when I called he just said: yes, I am fucking her.
Why this hurt so much? I feel dead inside, its been now 4 weeks since the grand finale, and I am not better at all.
Why even after that I am the one who called?
So after everything, he is the one who does not want contact….
After everything I keep hurting myself. When he picked up this week he said she is his girlfriend, but I don’t believe, she lives in a different country.
its me again.
First of all thank you all who replied my last post (desperate, broke no contact).
I was so desperate, feeling so hurt… it is been a tough week.
I wanted to share something with you all, I see all of you doing no contact, I am doing it too, and broke it this week, but what makes me worse is the fact that he DOES NOT want to contact me. I almost feel like he is the one doing no contact.
When I broke it this week, he picked up, said what he wanted, hung up and I kept trying, 5 HUNDRED times.
So, he is the person who has been hurting me for more than a year, I tried everything that I could think of, I accepted, I silenced myself, I tried to be a better person, and better and even better ( for what he would always say that I would do everything wrong and literally would say I was not good enough), I respected all of the “breaks” he wanted, and would always just wait for him, and try to show him what a good person I was, and how comprehensive I would be (which he never saw,)
Instead, he would keep saying that I was the problem in the relationship, that the way I would treat him was not good, OMG, I basically went insane with this, what the hell he wanted from me? Whaaaattttt???
He would ask everyday: Pls make me happy, and I would answer: what u want me to do? The answer: You know it. But I didn’t, I didn’t know, I don’t know, I will never Know, I tried so much.
In the end, I figure he was seeing someone else and when I called he just said: yes, I am fucking her.
Why this hurt so much? I feel dead inside, its been now 4 weeks since the grand finale, and I am not better at all.
Why even after that I am the one who called?
So after everything, he is the one who does not want contact….
After everything I keep hurting myself. When he picked up this week he said she is his girlfriend, but I don’t believe, she lives in a different country.
My guess is that he does want contact with you but is using the silence to drive you crazy. He sounds manipulative in this way. My guess is that if you go full NC for an extended period, he will resurface. Probably in 3-8 months. Like 90% of women on here, hear from their ex's again. I heard from mine again. Like your guy, he dumped me like utter trash and made me feel like I was the one who had a problem. A few months later he came back saying how he 'missed me' and he had 'changed'. It was of course, all bullshit.
This guy is fucked up. One thing to remember is he is never going to change. Please get your hands on some literature: Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft or How to Spot a Dangerous Man by Sandra Brown. Sandra Brown did 15 years of research with guys like your ex. They don't change. They go from woman to woman. My ex did not change either. For a time I followed his activities online. I would see ultra-fake relationships lasting 3-4 months. Over and over. Then I stopped caring.
The girlfriend thing he is clearly using to hurt you. He sounds sadistic and cruel which is a sociopathic trait.
Even though he's a jerk, these guys are the hardest to get away from because they isolate you and become your entire world. I loved my ex, I was obsessed with him. Just know though that is it possible, you can do it, and you will be SO much happier and feel so much more stable. X
Sometimes we learn some of life's most important lessons about ourselves in the worst situations and pain. I am sure you will find a rainbow at the end of all the pain. Hang in there we are here for you.
He sounds a very unkind man - you deserve far better than the way he is treating you. Please start to believe in yourself....Keep strong and keep reading...
love Artgrrl
I was on my knees begging for mercy from immense, intense, unrelenting emotional pain. I was nauseas and sweating from drug withdrawals and I was neglecting my dying beloved great dane to spend every waking minute with a man who abused me in every way. He said it outright (that he didn’t want me, he didn’t love me, we were just friends), I just wanted to believe I could make it different. Like Maya Angelou always said, “When someone tells you who they are, believe them.”
After a year of failed attempts at going NO CONTACT I finally woke up one day to realize that he wasn’t humiliating me; I was. He was abusing me because I allowed him to. In fact I invited him to. I used him to prove to myself how unworthy and unlovable and useless I was. He simply, by doing what he does in life, reinforced for me every negative belief I held about myself.
So I made a decision in that AHA moment that I would make NO CONTACT stick in whatever way I could. I went to detox for a week and when the fog began to clear I began to grieve. I grieved for the loss of my dog, for the choices I had made, for the loss of the protection of fantasy. I grieved for lost time. I grieved for myself. I now had a new fight. And that was for my life, for my sobriety. For the GOOD of my life. I was clean and sober and out of this relationship. I had no job, no responsibilities, no expectations.
The slate was clear. The world was my oyster.
I was in life coaching school by this point and began to learn that every one of those agonizing emotions I had experienced was attached to a deeply held negative belief which in turn created my actions which then showed up in the results of my life. So while I would never have thought of myself as a victim I was living and creating a life of victimhood.
In a nutshell, I discovered the cliché was true: What we think becomes our reality.
Once I cleaned out my thinking, it wasn’t hard to grasp that the entire journey was about creating safety for myself. It was about learning the art of self-compassion, self-kindness, self-respect, self-love, self-validation, self-trust and cheerleading myself all along the way.
As a result of cleaning up my thinking, my chronic illness and quality of my life has improved by at least 40% from where it was just five years earlier! That’s tremendous. I am clean and sober. I have learned coping skills that I never had before. I have set and achieved goals, my friendships are stronger and the best part is that I have learned to SUIT UP AND SHOW UP NO MATTER WHAT! Even when I don’t feel like it, showing up means to me that I am engaging in life and no longer avoiding reality. And that is to say further, I am living my life no longer a zombie tolerating bad behavior from others. I am grateful to be alive.
I.am.a.brave.girl.
So now my mission is to help women reverse the pattern of attracting draining relationships so that they can thrive in healthy, happy, fulfilling ones. I also help women learn to live with chronic pain and illness. Women with a history of trauma, anxiety and substance abuse would benefit greatly from working with me to uncover their painful belief systems, get firmly grounded in reality and then writing a new story!
I know this for certain: No grit. No pearl. But I also know that should you choose do embark on this healing journey, the world is your oyster as well! You will be free to design the life you want to live. You get to choose.
So are you in or are you out?
T