It has been at least 20 years since I saw this movie, is it about Narcs?

No, Susy. The movie title just came to me this morning as I was, once again, thinking about a certain Narc's mental health. The one thing that helps me more than anything is to remind myself that he has a mental illness. Intelligence level aside, he is mentally ill. The fact that I am drawn to men mostly based on their intelligence level is difficult to reconcile. It doesn't seem like the two things would exist together in one person. And I learned about savants a long time ago. I just forgot. Intelligence and narcissism can indeed exist together within one brain.

What a waste of a life.

I agree. But be happy that you are out making connections with others, at least I hope you are :) My social life and network leaves his in the dust. He has no life and it's not my job to give him one.

I have to say that I don't know if I could wish the psych ward on even my worst enemy. although some serious mental help would certainly be appropriate.

I certainly think the N I was involved with is mentally deranged, but after witnessing what his obsession with revenge did to him and his life (he is from a culture that believes in vendettas and revenge and he took it to the psychotic extreme) I know I never want to hold on to a revenge fantasy for long. I should have stood up to him when he was hurting me and just let him deal with the consequences of his actions. Then I wouldn't have had to resort to revenge fantasies, lord knows I've had them.

I want to be really truly free, wich to me means letting god deal with that man, and freeing myself from ever having to think about him for more than a fleeting moment ever again.

I didn't mean to say that I wished the psych ward on him or anyone. It just happened that that particular morning I awoke and that was a picture that flashed in my mind...my XN in a psych ward along with rows and rows of guys...all the guys who have hurt someone from this board....My mind saw Jack Nicholsen and I was trying to place the scene that I was seeing in my mind. It was that movie...One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest. Maybe what I was really thinking was about HOW MANY of these guys there seems to be in our World and how similar they all are and how they shouldn't really be out here having so much impact on so many lives.... doing so much damage...and they do it so well ,masquerading as "normal" people. I don't care about revenge either. I don't want him back. To be perfectly honest, what I'm hoping for is some kind of validation and to find out that I was right when his new marriage doesn't make it past a few months. I know it won't. She's only known him three months...not long enough to discover who he truly is. But who in hell marries someone after three months? I know her grown daughter sees what he really is. I can tell by the way she's acting that she knows what a mistake her mother made. And I do believe that there is a punishment factor involved here somewhere. MY punishment. It's like him throwing it in my face..."see...someone will have me even if I am a manipulative user, a liar, a phony and never care about anyone but myself. See?" That's his warped mind. He definitely would marry someone to be able to do that to me and he'll do it to her too. Punishment.Punishment for what another woman did to him...his mother. There is a link you see...we are all female.

Even if you did want revenge solo60, that would be ok, I didn't mean to sugges there is anything wrong with what you are feeling. We should ge angry and stay angry until we are free. I wouldn't wish the psych ward on anyone, yet really they all do need help, and to be removed from the general population. But if they aren't going to be removeed then we will have to remove ourselves from them. The one I was involved with loved punishment, he loved being judge jury and executioner. He loved to punish me and anyone else, men and women alike. I didn't punish him when I should have, if I had he would probably be in jail right now. If he married another woman to get back at you, and I know what you mean, I think they are capable of that sort of thing, that doesn't remove that woman's responsibility to take care of herself.
I heard a buddhist adage once that I really like, the buddha asked someone "if someone offers you a gift and you don't accept it, who does it belong to"?
If these N men offer us pain and suffering and we don't accept it, who does it belong to?