I've only posted a little bit about my situation but here's some more information. I moved out of my relationship with my current boyfriend (from one state to another) because of what I know now to be mainly Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or at least most of the symptoms lean that way. He was more of the emotionally unavailable, addict and looking for a parental figure for most of our 7 year relationship. I moved out a little over a year ago, making trips back almost once a month and spending what time I can when my kids have breaks. He has 3 children and I have 2 both from previous relationships. Over the last year he made one trip over to see me over labor day weekend in 2010 for a camping/canoeing deal in which I had to give him money to attend because he NEEDS my help. He wouldn't have been able to afford it otherwise. While I lived there he was usually wrapped up in his gaming addiction on the computer or drinking and ignoring me or the kids. I worked 2nd shift for 5 years while he worked 1st shift and I came home numerous times to him being passed out at the computer desk, in the living room or even a few times I came home and the stove would be on cooking something because he got hungry but passed out with it on. He got verbally abusive saying how lazy I was, how I couldn't do anything right, he always wanted me to be a different type of mom (I don't like to cook, I couldn't connect with his daughter, etc) so instead of accepting me as I was he would continually belittle me and degrade me to think that somehow it was all my fault. The bills sometimes got hard to take care of, it was my fault. Not that he drank away the money or spent it on exercise equipment. I spend most of my tax returns every year on past due taxes and bills trying to keep things caught up and if there was a little bit of money I could use for improvements round the house I did. I was more the caretaker than in a relationship. I cleaned a 3000sq ft house everyday before work and it would be a disaster when I came home at midnight or 4 in the morning. He never had the kids clean up much of anything and it was a repeat of me cleaning day to day. But like I've said I couldn't do anything right, too lazy and that of course made me try that much harder, do that much more to prove him otherwise with no avail. When I tried to talk to him about our issues or problems that came up it was in one ear and out the other. He wasn't interested in trying to help fix things and usually other things were more important than how our kids should be raised.

Since I've moved away we've talked about things that needed changing, he did set up a board for his kids to do chores every day. We went and seen a counselor for a few months this past summer in Missouri who recommended the book Women Who Love Too Much and while reading it I searched the internet and found this wonderful site. We've been slowly working on things and no matter how good my visits back there feels it always seems like a show. He'll help me out more than he used to but apparently I hurt him when I left and he's having a hard time staying close to me. He enrolled in school this past summer of which I am proud of (he's 32) and one of his classes is Psychology so now he thinks he has science to back him up for not being emotionally close to me since I've hurt him so much by leaving. I have looked at the situation and can understand where he stands and even feel bad to an extent but I don't think he has even looked at if from my side or even thought of what he did or didn't do while I was there.

This website article is a perfect match, nails him dead on, both pages:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/24649/narcissistic_personality_disorder.html?cat=5

My dilemma now is that he is giving me an ultimatum. Either I move back or it's over. I know that some improvements have been made and he's made it apparent he can't or chooses not to get close to me at this point in time so I don't see a good reason to move back accept that I miss him which isn't that good of a reason. Yeah we all get to that point where maybe it wasn't that bad or maybe I can handle it differently this time or things really have changed but something is still nagging at me. Just looking for some insights, any help would be appreciated. I absolutely love the information on this board. Thank you all!