Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Going through this break up, i am finding myself at peace. at peace with myself, and at peace with this new person i find myself with. Ive never had a relationship come so easy. easy to talk, easy to be with, easy to understand. but in the transition process right now, of moving out into my own place, i find myself uncomfortable. NOW my recent ex is trying, trying to keep me, trying to show he cares. but i cant go back. and this all came about because he went to a swinger party and banged some chick. did some pretty personal and degrading things to her, told me about it, and told me how he cried the way home missing me. the things he said he saw and did at this place were disgusting. then he wants to try to kiss me? be with me? YUCK. and then he tries to compare who i slept with during our first break up to what he did. there is no comparison.
its too late. and him doing that, just sealed the deal in concrete. im not going back, EVER.
IM HAPPY. im genuinely happy for the first time. this new relationship is calm. i find a peace with him. we can lay near each other and talk for HOURS on end, about everything, expectations, past, wants, dreams. im ENJOYING myself throughly in the present. im able to live in the moment, without a care for the future or the past. i can ask him anything, and know he isnt lying because the proof is there to back it up. he thinks of me, he remembers what i say and acts on it. i never thought i could find this, or feel like this again after all that had happened. but here i am. it is out there ladies. and you find it when you arent looking.
But i am throughly concerned with my ex right now. for the next 3 weeks until i move, im here. and well, its uncomfortable and scary, but i dont have a stable place for me and my daughter to go during this time.
after what my ex did, there is something dark in his eyes, that scares me. i never saw that in him, and i dont know if what he did brought that out or something else. he seems lost now.
he should have thought about all that, while i was begging him to pay attention to me, to be with me, to make a future with me. and now ive moved on, and i dont have any room for anything else but the happy feeling i have now. but i cant shake this dark icky feeling radiating from him.
its too late. and him doing that, just sealed the deal in concrete. im not going back, EVER.
IM HAPPY. im genuinely happy for the first time. this new relationship is calm. i find a peace with him. we can lay near each other and talk for HOURS on end, about everything, expectations, past, wants, dreams. im ENJOYING myself throughly in the present. im able to live in the moment, without a care for the future or the past. i can ask him anything, and know he isnt lying because the proof is there to back it up. he thinks of me, he remembers what i say and acts on it. i never thought i could find this, or feel like this again after all that had happened. but here i am. it is out there ladies. and you find it when you arent looking.
But i am throughly concerned with my ex right now. for the next 3 weeks until i move, im here. and well, its uncomfortable and scary, but i dont have a stable place for me and my daughter to go during this time.
after what my ex did, there is something dark in his eyes, that scares me. i never saw that in him, and i dont know if what he did brought that out or something else. he seems lost now.
he should have thought about all that, while i was begging him to pay attention to me, to be with me, to make a future with me. and now ive moved on, and i dont have any room for anything else but the happy feeling i have now. but i cant shake this dark icky feeling radiating from him.
"we can lay near each other and talk for HOURS on end" You may just know this person and there's so much to talk about still...Please, remember the honeymoon period?
Anyway, hope you enjoy this moment :)
he has been with abusive and crazy people as well, and moved on, and we have found each other in the middle, and understand what each other goes through, or has been through. we talk about everything. including the honeymoon phase, red flag lists, what makes us nervous, what makes us happy, what we expect. we are even doing background checks on each other. im not afraid anymore, i have everything i need to keep myself safe. i dont need to heal from this recent break up. i already have. the nights i spent upset and angry and hurt because he would rather pay attention to a video game, or not fix his finances, looking at a dead end relationship that would go nowhere near my goals or hearts desire. it was killing me. and i have gone through eveyrthing i could. i do not mourn this loss of a relationship. i mourn the fantasy that he would change, but i am strong enough, and educated enough now to accept, that he wont, and see the truth that he wont. talk is talk. SHOW ME. i wish him the best and i worry about him and i know we can remain friends. i just hope he doesnt travel down that darkness i saw in his eyes. and i hope i dont see it again as long as i am here.
it is a fast move, with this other person. but i find myself believing in something that i hadnt truly believed in for a long time. love. being in love. wanting love. without fear. no drama. no lies. only evidence to back up. and everything we tell each other, we make each other prove, not cause we have to, but because we are both protecting ourselves. its liberating. and i know that if shit hit the fan, i could leave tomarrow.
such a strange few weeks i have been having. huge life changes. but i feel fine about all of them.
i never thought i could leave austin, but i did. and it WASNT because of this guy. it was because of me, and something i was doing on my own. i may be moving fast, but im SICK AND TIRED of wasting MY LIFE on the events of my past. wait, take more time... honestly, you never truly heal. there is always a tender scar left from them on your heart. you just become stronger and learn to protect yourselves so the wound cannot be reopened. i once believed in the good in all people, now, i still believe everyone has good, but its not for me to judge or find that in them at my own expense. ANYONE. firends family or men. Life is short, and im trying to learn to enjoy it for the first time. My child hood was hell. my Teenage years were hell. always worry worry worry, someone love me. lack of trust, regret in retrospect.
im letting that go. it doesnt matter anymore. all that matters is how i feel now. what i am doing now. and right now, i am ok... and if ever that changes, ill do what i can to make it so.