When the studen is ready, the teacher appears ...

Profoundly true.

I can say that because I read it 20 years ago, thought it was a good read and promtly forgot about it. I think you have to be in a great deal of pain (I was not at the time) to GET IT. Pain is a great catalyst for change.

Yes, I am in a great deal of pain. I have never known this before but I think I must have been heading in this direction for most, maybe all my life. I'm usually the one propping everybody else up. Those numbers would include the passive aggressive BF that is causing me the pain at the moment. I don't see him here, letting me crawl up into protective arms but it feels like the only thing that would change the way I'm hurting.

Solo,

I hope this is not painful for you to hear, but I think the only thing that is going to stop your pain is when you walk away from a painful and disrespectful relationship where the man know that he can cheat on you anytime he wants and you will always be his 'fallback' girl waiting for him when he comes around for more supply.

It seems that you have chosen the the title of his savior. I would not be so certain of his willingness or ability to change and instead it may be that he simply sees you as the person that will be there no matter what. And that is not necessarily a compliment.

I once went to an all male sex addicts meeting by mistake (I thought it was a male and female love addicts meeting). I was profoundly uncomfortable for that hour, but learned a lot.

A man shared that his birthday was the day before. And he stated that it was his first birthday he spent with his family, and not out chasing women or expecting his friends to hook him up or going to a strip bar, etc.

Then he commented: Normally on my birthday if nothing else I would go to my stand by girl. I was with this women on and off for 10 years. We all have one, that girl who will always take you back no matter what you do to her or how many times you have left her for another woman.

That made me sick inside to hear that. I bet that women thinks she is his true love, the one he always returns to. And that is not how he sees it at all.

Right after the meeting, I was watching the TV show Glee. There was a scene with one glee club member talking to another about a teacher they both had a crush on:

Pepper to Rachel: Let me tell you a few things that I learned from 2 years of intense psychotherapy.

We both look for boys we can never have. Love is hard for us, you and me. Mr. Shuster (insert whom ever this is for you) is a perfect target for our self esteem issues.

He can never reciprocate our feelings, which only reinforces the conviction that we are not worthy of being loved.

Trust me, I am a cautionary tale. You need to find some self respect.