Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
So this is weird and it's something I have gone through before with him. So yesterday I was hating him thinking how horrible he is, all the abusive things he's done to me and now that I am having a good day and feel good, I miss him and feel all the feelings I liked.
I took some methyl b vitamins and they really helped me feel better. So I'm feeling happier/better than I have been lately and the weather is absolutely perfect today. It's a gorgeous, crisp, sunny day and I feel great (compared to how I have been feeling lately) and I feel like I'd love to go spend some time outside with him.
What always seems to come along with an improvement in mood for me is suddenly feelings and thoughts along the lines of, "Okay maybe now things will be okay and things can work!"
Contacting him is not an option because I've worked too hard to get away from him and maintain some safe distance but why, oh why, when I actually feel good (which is pretty rare these days) do I automatically feel like I want to be with him and have this idea that maybe it can work now.
Anyone else experience this? It seems like a mind/memory/depression issue or something, like when I feel depressed all I can think of is how hurt and angry I feel about things that have gone wrong or have happened to me or could happen in the future (fear) but then when I start to feel better, I immediately get this urge to return to him and this idea in my mind that somehow it'll all be all right. rrr!
I took some methyl b vitamins and they really helped me feel better. So I'm feeling happier/better than I have been lately and the weather is absolutely perfect today. It's a gorgeous, crisp, sunny day and I feel great (compared to how I have been feeling lately) and I feel like I'd love to go spend some time outside with him.
What always seems to come along with an improvement in mood for me is suddenly feelings and thoughts along the lines of, "Okay maybe now things will be okay and things can work!"
Contacting him is not an option because I've worked too hard to get away from him and maintain some safe distance but why, oh why, when I actually feel good (which is pretty rare these days) do I automatically feel like I want to be with him and have this idea that maybe it can work now.
Anyone else experience this? It seems like a mind/memory/depression issue or something, like when I feel depressed all I can think of is how hurt and angry I feel about things that have gone wrong or have happened to me or could happen in the future (fear) but then when I start to feel better, I immediately get this urge to return to him and this idea in my mind that somehow it'll all be all right. rrr!
My boyfriend and I of 10 years have had no physical contact in 3 months. I wasn't happy with aspects of the relationship, so, I decided we should take some time off...
We have e-mailed back and forth, and he has said a few times how he loves and misses me. I know that does mean something - he is not the kind to say things he doesn't mean, and it's hard for many men to say those kind of things.
Recently, I have come to the point that if there is love or affection between us, then we should be expressing it, in some form. It doesn't mean that we are promised to each other forever, or even that all my expectations will be met. But, if we can get together and have some good times, maybe that is a positive thing for both our lives.
. I also have my commitment issues, and have been clear about not wanting a full-time relationship with someone who was always there, and wanted the traditional things. I've never wanted to be married, and have always wanted full responsibility for my life, finances, free time, etc.Also, I'm 62, and at a stage in my life that I do want things on my terms. I really have always wanted that.
So, that's where I'm at, right now. We are planning to get together again, in the next weeks, and I'm hoping that we can just have a nice time together again. I seem to be happier without expectations, at least concerning him, and just expecting things of myself. My life seems to belong to me more now, after this separation, and I feel more able to see the positives in him, and interactions that we may have. I needed some clarity, and I think that's what I got. I still have love for him, and have missed him, but am happier now that I don't count on him to perform like a traditional boyfriend.
I think I'm on a good path - I was miserable and frustrated when I thought he wasn't "there enough for me". Right now, I've let him go, as he didn't belong to me anyway. My life feels better to me, at least now.
So, those are my thoughts, for whatever they're worth. I feel happier now. My life was being poisoned by my own disappointment, when he didn't live up to what I thought he should. Now, as far as I'm concerned, we are both freed up. That could mean that we might find someone else, and if so, that's what was meant to be.
I have to say, that there was no abuse in our relationship - that's a horse of a different color. We just suffered from many of the common problems between men and women - a lack of time, communication, and money too.
Good luck!
Hi, susana. I feel that way, too...he was not 'mine' to begin with: in word, yes, in deed, no.
I think you're right about abuse being 'a horse of a different color.' Good point.
I think our goal is just to find a way to be really ok with our lives. We can't be ok when we are dependent on someone else for our happiness. And it's hard to know when we've gotten ourselves into that situation. I did, little by little, with my boyfriend.
I am so happy for the last months of not contact. I needed those months, to look not just at him, but really, more at me.
I don't know what the future holds for him and me - maybe nothing, maybe something, maybe a lot. Who knows. That's something many of us need to learn, that nobody holds our futures in their hands. Only we do.
That's my thinking tonight.
Have a good evening, Diana.
Susana
What I would really like to know is if anyone else has experienced the phenomenon of suddenly wanting to be with him after experiencing a change mentally? I experienced this same thing another time after going on a psychiatric drug which changed how I felt and I instantly felt feelings of missing him, good memories of him and feeling like I wanted to be with him. It feels like is some kind of weird memory deal, like when my depression gets relieved, it opens up happy memories I don't usually have access to. They just come back to me. I'm not going to contact him, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this.
I think it is to do with associations. You are used to attributing good feelings to him rather than yourself. So you associate feeling good with being in his company. As you work on yourself you might come to find that you can change those associations. I try to do this by being kind to myself and pampering myself with little things to retrain my brain into recognising that I am happy and that no one else is responsible for it but me. Does that make sense?