Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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Struggling tonight

harmony7
harmony7
I have been struggling for the last 2 days over XN s recent abusive texts especially when he told me he wishes I was dead.I cant stop thinking about why he hates me so much and why he would be so cruel to me.I find im having ruminating thoughts over it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry you are having to deal with this Harmony. As a practical matter, do you have to read the texts? Can you train yourself not to look. It was hard for me not to jump up and grab my phone whenever I heard it beep with a new text message because but eventually I was able to stop looking.

He is texting you these things in order to make you feel bad. He wants this reaction from you. Don't give him the satisfaction.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Harmony...muffin is right. He is attention seeking. Don't give him that power over you. This is your time to reflect on YOU. What do you need. What do you deserve? Certainly not vicious texts from some asshole that never appreciated what he had.
harmony7
harmony7
Y ou are both so right and I keep telling myself to stop buying into his crap.He loves the game even if the crumbs he gives are cruel cause if he gets a reaction he knows he has me stagnant still.His gone silent again so I will use this time to keep reading about his disorder and vent to this beautiful group.Thanks againx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Stay strong Harmony, try and picture his texts as something harmful ( which they are) perhaps like a knife or bullet or poisonous drug and when you are tempted to read them... ask yourself 'WHY would I want to see something which can hurt me so badly ?". And instead of reading them, do something calming and nice for yourself which feeds your wellbeing rather than detracts from it.
finnmyway
finnmyway
block him!

baggagereclaim.com

i'm really into psychology and what i've learned as a counselor over the years is that people make us feel how they feel inside themselves. he does not hate you. he hates himself. as awful as he makes you feel is actually what it feels like to be him. they do this through all kinds of psychic defenses. like projective identification, projection, oppression, passive aggression....etc. don't take it personally. and if you can't not take it personally block him.

don't accept any of his texts is what will give you peace of mind. it's like being a bartender if you're a drunk. we obsess even when we don't know were obsessing there is this hope that he will text..positive or negative as long as we can get in them mix wtih them somehow however often we are getting fed. disengage.