hey guys! 

My boyfriend and I have been super happy with one another for 4 years. He is my frist serious boyfriend and the man I thought I would spend my life with. 

He always told me he wanted to be with me forever, that I needed to improve what I was eating so he could have me around for longer. He constantly told me that I was gorgeous and the only girl for him and that when he went out with friends I was all he could talk about. In July my mom sold the house so I needed to find an apartment for myself and my cat and my boyfriend told me not to stress we would find a solution together. So I looked for places and set up appointments to see them. He had lives with his last serious girlfriends so I didn't think this would be a big deal for him. We moved in and he seemed really excited about the place. We bought some stuff we needed and got a lot of our furniture from the stuff my mom could not take with her. 

Our relationship didnt seem to change change he still picked me up from work every day and wanted to snuggle and watch netflix on our new couch. The guy in the basement moved in and he lost his hang out spot in the garage and got a little disgruntled but he was fine and then he lost hours at work and got agitated and said he was going to find a better job or another job and go get one that week. I encouraged it but I have a great paying job so I didn't demand it of him. 

Anyways things went on he still treated me the same but he started to get down on himself. One week everything changed and his reactions to me changed as well. He didn't sleep in our bed or get out to hug me when I got off the train ... he still talked to me but it wasn't the same. He told me he hated himself and was feeling depressed and I tried in response to tell him every day how amazing I thought he was ... it didn't work. One night he got drunk and my BF came back ... he was all over me and loving my body as much as he always had and I thought mistakenly we were out of the woods ... I was wrong. 

He woke up the next day and was 100% depresssd again. I didn't know what else to do so ... I told him that maybe he needed to go home for a while to see if it helped. I said he needed to see someone but he only agreed if going home did not help. He said he was afraid to feel better without me and what that would mean ... idk

he went home ... I didn't hear from him. Ugh and when we did meet up he said he had gone out to bars and made friends with college boys and was drinking all night. He said it was fun but not exactly better and as bad as it sounded maybe he just needed drugs and alcohol ect. 

He moved home permanently and left me in an apartment all alone ... he promised to go see a therapist because he said he would and that he would call me. I haven't heard from him since he took off. 

Im struggling. He was always the one who said he wanted to be with me forever and always the one to brag about how great we were together. Now I feel like he's walked away from me and not given me a second thought ... in so lost. Just a week ago he wanted to snuggle. naked on the couch and now he hasn't even checked up on me. 

I don't want to move on ... I just want my BF back. I don't know if he's having a life crisis about things getting too serious for him when he can't seem to further his life. I don't know he said there's absolutely nothing wrong with me he just needs to be a party boy and doesn't want me in limbo waiting for him. 

I need some help ... I'm sorry this was so long. I'm really lost everyone says I will get over it and everyone goes through heartbreak and someone better will come alone but I don't WANT someone else. Any advise? I might go see someone myself but paying for everything alone my money is crazy tight and idk if I can afford to.