No, but I wish I could. I've given thought to contacting his ex wife and I'd like to warn his newest potential victim but I don't have the guts and I can't pretend that i'm not a bit afraid of the backlash I could expect when he found out about it.

I understand what you mean bout the backlash solo60 because we both received the most cruelest soul destyoying backlash you could possibly imagine. Together we both stood strong and gave it back and told him he was responsible for his own undoing. I have to say that both of us were afraid for a few weeks there but i made sure i told him that a few close people to me were aware of the situation and that if anything happened to me they would be on to him. As it is we are both lucky that he is now working overseas for 12 months,lets hope it lasts and we can feel totally safe and at ease knowing that but if he was still here im not sure i wouldnt worry either so i can understand also what you mean bout backlash.

Yeah - backlash there will be. When my ex (still my husband at that time) found out I talked with his ex, he called her and had her crying, telling her he didn't 'remember' holding a gun to her head all night and warning her to never talk to me. Then, we met up (her, my daughter, her daughter (my stepdaughter) for drinks one afternoon and someone at the bar said something which she misheard and thought they said he was there and the look of fear and panic and the way she startled shocked me. They'd been divorced over 20 years.

dbpalm it sounds so textbook to what our XN did and i say our because it was more than one of us. He had the audacity to blame each and every one of us for contacting the other. He threatened me at one stage and kept telling each of us that we were not each others friend. I cannot beleive how textbook they all are. What did that Arsehole hope to keep on acheiving by telling me time and time again to not talk to the other because SHE is NOT your Friend .?

I force myself to accept one indisputable fact...it took awhile for the truth to trump the illusion, but now that it has, I MUST accept it...this man is mentally ill. NPD is a mental illness. They are highly skilled at hiding who they really are but there comes a time when it becomes impossible for them to sustain the illusion any longer. Whoever they become involved with in the future will discover the same things that I did...eventually. Unfortunately, by then, the emotional damage will be done. These men are such contradictions. They are cowards but they are vindictive. They won't stand up for themselves or their friends or lovers but they will attack the ones who love them. They preach honesty but they are the most skilled liars on Earth. They will readily tell you how others have hurt them, especially parents or other love interests,but they will hurt you more than anyone you've ever known. If you try to help them, care about them, teach them, FIX THEM...you will incur the punishment that is intended for other people. This is a no-win relationship. What they do and the pain they inflict is morally wrong. They shouldn't be allowed to keep going from one victim to another anymore than a murderer can but would you have listened if someone had warned you? I'm not sure I would have. Most women would just call it sour grapes and the N would be right there convincing them of that. A lot of other people woud be saying "that's life". And so we have this support group and boy it's growing. I do feel a moral obligation to warn the next victim but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't listen.

Now if SHE came to ME and asked about him, you're dammed right! I'd tell her every single thing I know.

I am afraid they will get worse . . . I am afraid what his new gf would go through were she to leave him. At what point will he reach the 'I don't care' and just kill her.

Yes, if someone had told me what he'd done before, I would have erroneously blamed the drugs and alcohol and believed him that he was saved (a new creation).

Ha! give them that card to play and they will play it! I'm ill and you're going to leave me when I'm ill? Yes, I'm walking away or I will die.

One of the last times I saw my XN, he had come rushing right over once I contacted him. He admitted that he had met someone else and, get this, she was visiting at the moment (she is from Cananda, we are in Chicago). I said, "she's here now, at your house?" He said, "yes." I asked if she knew he was with me and he said 'no' but that she knew about me. I couldn't believe it. Literally couldn't believe it. He only stayed a little while, to catch-up since I had gone 2 months with NC. Once she returned home, he contacted me again and said they weren't dating, he had met her at a wedding in Northern California. But the LAST time he was over, he was texting another girl he had just met and I knew he wanted to tell me about this - like seeing the pain in my eyes got him off. After that day, I have blocked him from my phone and it's been 6 weeks with NC. I think about him juggling the 3 of us and lord knows how many others.

I don't fit in since I was with mine for my entire adult life! 32 years! Yes, he had affairs (Unbeknownst to me, except for one which I thought we could get past through counseling). I must be a real patsy to have been living this life for 32 years...I didn't catch on until the last year when I figured out he is a N. IT kills me.

I agree Solo everyone told me and I didnt listen. I would only look like a scorned woman. She will have to see for herself unfortunetly. Towards the ending of our relationship he yelled at me you are just like her...meaning his ex..and I said to him maybe you should take a look at yourself if the same thing always seems to happen with your relationships. So if I eneded up being just like her..I can be rest assured that the next one is going to be just like me.

ladytruee when i dared to challenge my XN one night over certain things he yelled at me saying I thought you were different ,of course meaning different from her the ex. And he used to tell me and the ex girlfriend that hes ex wife whenever she challenged him over anything that she was just a woman scorned. Its never them is it?