Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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nika91 07/30/2011

i guess i am a women who loves too much - i have already been reading this forum some time ago and unfortunately have to come back. I have been in a very toxic, deluded relationship, but got over the guy and started a thing with someone else. A sweet, loving and caring man. Sometimes we had fights, but in general everything was ok. For about 1,5 year. We talked about getting married one day, etc. And then, almost 2 weeks ago he said to me "i dont feel like talking with you. I dont want to hear from you in 2 weeks". I was shocked, it just came from nowhere. The day before, he was telling me how much he loves me. Anyhow, I didn't talk to him until today, although it was so painful. And yet, he wouldn't respond! I feel horrible, I'm all in tears. I have always been (too) good, and faithful to him. He seemed like a mature man, 9 years older than me. I dont know what happened to him. I demanded to be told the truth, told him not to be a kid. AND NOTHING. My world is collapsing right now because I still love him. Anyhow, I only want the truth - if he is seeing someone else, if he fell out of love - whatever! But he just won't respond. I would never thought that he could cause me so much pain. I don't feel like seeing anyone else, I don't imagine being in love again. And one more thing - he didn't delete me from fb or msn, and he really doesnt mind getting rid of contacts - like an ex gf. Any thoughts or comments? Why does he act like a jackass?

deleted_user 07/30/2011

Hi Nika

It's hard to say without knowing more of the dynamics of the relationship but my best advice to you would have to be, google "The Silent Treatment"

That might give you some insight, but I've got to admit it sounds like a power play to me

SV x

worktodo 07/30/2011

Hi. I feel for you, I too have been treated this way, why does he act like a jackass? it simply is because he can. Cutting you off gives him power, he loves it, leaving you all confused and feeling powerless makes him feel like he is in control, we are then left to feel so desperate becuase we do not know what is going on, and we rack our brains to see if it`s something wrong we have done! You feel like their is a bit of hope because he hasnt deleted you from fb or msn, this isnt loving someone what he is doing, this is placing someone in pain because you feel like it. When my x first done this to me, I was so confused, i was begging him to let me know what i had done wrong, I should have run a mile, read the posts on these boards, be informed of what you are dealing with, your sanity depends on it, if you choose to stay with him, he can turn round at any time and say "I dont feel like talking with you", he is testing you. Try not to contact him, take some of your power back, i know its hard, so hard, but this man will steal your peace of mind. Stay strong.

deleted_user 07/30/2011

As SV said or it could be that he's just an emotional coward like my XN was and has chosen to abandon you, rather than give you a reasonable explanation of his actions. Whatever it is ..... it is not acceptable or humane to treat someone in this way. I got abandoned this way 3 times and it always had something to do with him wanting to play around or date other women. On some level, he knows what he is doing is wrong.

deleted_user 07/30/2011

Abandonment and stonewalling are two key ingredients for a classic narcissist. My advice to you is to move on before 10, 20 30, years of this continues. Dont waste your pretty years. Its very easy for me to say this to you but i understand how much pain you are in and you want to be kind, supportive and compassionate for your man but you deserve it in turn. I hope this helps.

nika91 07/30/2011

Thank you so much for your replies, it really helps. I would never think that he is a narcissist, he gave me a lot of support and attention. He always seemed very independent and grown up to me. To be honest, my worst fear is abandonment. I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom when i was 14. It was just horrifying but I just chose to hope that what i have read was not true, and never told her. He actually went with me to that woman and I played with her daughter (she was married too). Then, when I was 16, on the first day of my high school, I found my mother crying because he left us the night before. For a lady he knew 2 months. Right now I still feel angry with him, and see him very rarely (i'm in college). Oh, I nearly forgot that he was an alcoholic.
I know that I have some sort of a problem, and i again feel this fear and unsecurity. I don't know if he cheated on me or if he is just bored. There is a lot of distance between us but I trusted him, he was like an opposite of my ex (cold, unavaible, ignoring and lying). I finally joined this group because I'm nearly going crazy. Is he also emotionally unavaible? Why is he playing games with me? Why not just delete me from everything ? ( he did that with his ex)

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