Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
well im going through a million emotions daily right now. We still have to live together right now. bills are due today and NOT ONE, of my roomates has paid them after they have been posted on the board. i dont need this right now. every 5 minutes is a different emotion. im angry, im hurt, im sad, then i feel guilty, cause ultimately it is my fault because i am the one who broke it off. thats how he makes me feel. when i try to talk to him, like, why is this happening, why cant you just get off your ass and fight for me, make me feel worth it. grab me and say, we are going to the park today, all of us. or, even just a drive to talk. Tell me he wants me, loves me, will do anything to keep me. but he wont. i know it wont happen. if we got back together it would be the same. he took me to lunch the other day, and i was going to pay while we talked about what to do. well he paid, bills are due, 100 bucks per person, and he doesnt have it. how am i suposed to save money to move out? how am i suposed to live here? how am i suposed to go to school? i feel so alone, i feel so lost and confused.
i cried at work. CRIED at work, in front of everyone. ridiculous. i wake up feeling ok, but as the day goes on it creeps up on me, that black hole of nothingness that threatens to attempt to shatter me apart. im so incredibly emotional. i dont know whats right to do. im always wondering whats right to do. why do i have such trouble going after what i want? why cant i bring myself to settle and stay with him, or move on? ive even gone out with a couple people. had a great time. but i dont like sleeping alone. hate it.
ugh. i feel like i need constant distractions, so that i can keep my emotions at a level place.
its so hard to find someone that im compatible with. im not a shallow person. i have many many layers, some of which i have yet to uncover. I just feel like so few people like me, really like me. im always worried about what people think about me, because im always watching and waiting for someone to screw me over. people never say what they think, unless its behind your back it seems. sometimes i read too much into things, sometimes i dont read enough. its such a constant battle im like whats the point? im living life in gray fog and i want to see wonderful colors and experience exceptional beauty. but will anything ever be good enough? dont you have to settle somewhere?
i cried at work. CRIED at work, in front of everyone. ridiculous. i wake up feeling ok, but as the day goes on it creeps up on me, that black hole of nothingness that threatens to attempt to shatter me apart. im so incredibly emotional. i dont know whats right to do. im always wondering whats right to do. why do i have such trouble going after what i want? why cant i bring myself to settle and stay with him, or move on? ive even gone out with a couple people. had a great time. but i dont like sleeping alone. hate it.
ugh. i feel like i need constant distractions, so that i can keep my emotions at a level place.
its so hard to find someone that im compatible with. im not a shallow person. i have many many layers, some of which i have yet to uncover. I just feel like so few people like me, really like me. im always worried about what people think about me, because im always watching and waiting for someone to screw me over. people never say what they think, unless its behind your back it seems. sometimes i read too much into things, sometimes i dont read enough. its such a constant battle im like whats the point? im living life in gray fog and i want to see wonderful colors and experience exceptional beauty. but will anything ever be good enough? dont you have to settle somewhere?
Its hard to say what to do. I'm not sure how long you have been with him, but if for a long time, and he was truly not satisfying you for a legitimate reason, then perhaps it is better to let it go. Then again if you are unsatisfied because of your own issues, then maybe its better to stay and work on yourself. Just my thoughts. Only you know what is best for you. good luck
I dont think we are compatible in the end, whether or not i love him. im not happy. he doesnt pick up after himself, he doesnt think to pay bills on time, or ahead of time, but will spend 40 bucks on lunch instead. its an old story that i have complained about many times. and he loves video games, will sit in front of a computer for hours and hours and hours being a troll or an elf. i hate that. one time i wanted him to have sex with me, or lay and just talk and cuddle with me. he kept inching towards the door, i said really, you really want to go play that stupid game? and he said well yah, and still left. i asked him if he was going to go have sex with his game, he laughed at me and still left. things like that leave a bad taste in my mouth for a while
Iam so sorry you are feeling that way, i think a man should fight for you do things that make you happy. N yes you must be comepetable for it to work out. Work on you, meditate pray what ever it is you belive in, fill that emptiness with YOUR joy and YOUR happiness at the end of the day its the happiness we get from our selves that is most important. God Bless :)
(On a side note: I totally relate to you on the video game thing...its LAMEEEE...its one of the things I rather disliked on my ex, he'd spend hours on video games sites and now he works for a video game company, which is great because he enjoys his job, but STILL spending hours on there is LAME)
I really, truly worry about your intense fear of being alone. That is so worrisome to me. It is that kind of pressure that leads you to making bad decisions and staying in luke warm relationships because it is 'better then being alone'.
You are going to have to really go deep and disconnect from that message. There are a lot of things worse then being alone. And being chronically unsatisfied inside of a relationship is one of them. That nagging senstation that something is better then this errodes your self esteem.
Of course breaking up is hard and challenging but it offers you a brand new future. Try to concentrate on that and try not to date anyone for at least 1 year. it is vital to learn that being alone can be a time of growth and pleasure and not something that should be avoided at all costs.
You know he is emotionally unavailable, right? He may be steady in other ways, but in the end you have man that is unwilling to interact on a deep level and would rather play with games then have intimacy (and I am not talking about sex although that it is a part of it). Emotional unavailability comes in many packages and being more interested in video games or TV or whatever just means he is keeping you at distance while you beg for emotional crumbs.
So yes, obviously that is better then the horrible abuse that you had previously, but it still is not good or satisfying.
but it seems if i want it to happen, then i have to start it, whether its a conversation, or sitting down to watch tv, or making plans to do something as a family. and i keep feeling attracted to other people, and wanting some kind of attention from someone, and i come home searching for that attention here, and am continuously disappointed when i wakl in the door and see the trash didnt go out, that there is a dirtly pair of baby pants on the table, things turned over, and him, sitting on the computer, 3 hours after he told me he would take out the trash, unshowered still, and not dressed. sure, its his day off, and you dont have to get dressed, but shower and take the trash out, it only takes 5 minutes if that. and get car insurance, and pay your old debts. work to save money with me. pay attention to me on a continuous level. like that upset me last week, thanks for not doing it for a week, but its still gonna upset me when you go back to doing it. but i come home to that, after this good looking well dressed guy just told me i had a cute dimple or something and is flirting with me, wanting reassurance that my relationship is solid and i can have that attention at home.
I almost ended up living with him but I went with my gut feeling of dread. Besides, my parents would kill me because THEY hate him and I couldn't stand dealing with him every day. I still love him and would think about how wonderful it would be to live with him. But I know that I would have felt like a prisoner in my own home.
Thank you for your advice on my situation! I know I can look to you ladies for support and understanding. :)
I almost ended up living with him but I went with my gut feeling of dread. Besides, my parents would kill me because THEY hate him and I couldn't stand dealing with him every day. I still love him and would think about how wonderful it would be to live with him. But I know that I would have felt like a prisoner in my own home.
Thank you for your advice on my situation! I know I can look to you ladies for support and understanding. :)