Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
This was my first post:
NEW Husband wake up call - help please!!!
Posted on 07/21/13, 05:26 am
and reading it through again it doesn't seem too bad! Im not sure its a good thing I feel that way now or not!
But I said then that when my daughter went to Uni I would reconsider this relationship and how it affects me. I am still unsure. Things don't seem so bad anymore, I feel more in control of myself and of him, I think I care less now than I did about how he feels. I was so stricken if I couldn't do what I felt I should do, or what he expected me to do, now Im not so bothered.
Did I have him wrong all this time , was it just me and my screwed up emotional self creating havoc with my head?! I don't know.
What have I learnt?!
I know I am a bit of an emotional mess. I have an anxiety disorder and this can make me perceive things as a threat when they are not. I have been diagnosed with PTSD which I am waiting for counselling for. I am trying to create a busy week for myself and this makes me happier than just vegetating, this is easier as I care less about what he wants me to do and of fulfilling those expectations. That has set me free a little.
So here I am , learning every day. and building on what I have learnt.
Thank you from all my heart for all the patience and time you have all spent supporting me. It has changed my life and I hope I can provide the same in return.
Ladies, you are awesome. xxx
NEW Husband wake up call - help please!!!
Posted on 07/21/13, 05:26 am
and reading it through again it doesn't seem too bad! Im not sure its a good thing I feel that way now or not!
But I said then that when my daughter went to Uni I would reconsider this relationship and how it affects me. I am still unsure. Things don't seem so bad anymore, I feel more in control of myself and of him, I think I care less now than I did about how he feels. I was so stricken if I couldn't do what I felt I should do, or what he expected me to do, now Im not so bothered.
Did I have him wrong all this time , was it just me and my screwed up emotional self creating havoc with my head?! I don't know.
What have I learnt?!
I know I am a bit of an emotional mess. I have an anxiety disorder and this can make me perceive things as a threat when they are not. I have been diagnosed with PTSD which I am waiting for counselling for. I am trying to create a busy week for myself and this makes me happier than just vegetating, this is easier as I care less about what he wants me to do and of fulfilling those expectations. That has set me free a little.
So here I am , learning every day. and building on what I have learnt.
Thank you from all my heart for all the patience and time you have all spent supporting me. It has changed my life and I hope I can provide the same in return.
Ladies, you are awesome. xxx
based on my own PTSD and unhealthy relationship what i see in you is that your relationship with your husband triggers your PTSD and anxiety. and as long as that is continuously triggered it's going to be very difficult to get you to a place where you can really heal that PTSD. if you don't have adequate support we are not likely to feel secure and safe enough to deal with the original traumas. avoidance is the cornerstone of PTSD. we avoid and avoid and avoid EVERYTHIGN and that is what creates the tremendous REAL and REALLY painful severe anxiety symptoms. i hope you stick with the things that are working for you presently.
it's an awesome day when a wwltm realizes that the issues are not about their men. it's about us. the part that is about the men is that we settle for poor treatment until we begin to love ourselves and put ourselves and our recoveries in the number one position. be careful you don't minimize the poor treatment and lack of support and source of anxiety in your husband lest you miss the opportunity to really love and embrace and respect yourself.
your daughter is in UNI now, you get to focus on you.
i believe i have recommended a book that changed my life to you already...
complex PTSD--from surviving to thriving by pete walker. this book is like my bible.
his website to read free articles is www.pete-walker.com
so proud of you and SOOO happy to be on this journey with you!!
I hear ya on the anxiety front. I have anxiety as well and it's hard to know whether I'm just taking something a bit too seriously/reading too much into it or if it's legit. I have not solutions to that at the moment, can't advise you on what to do--I just realize that it's something I deal with too <3
I talk more openly with my H now about the things he does which make me feel fear/anxiety. That stems from my being somewhat detached from him now, more than I was. He takes it ok. I have only just told him I am taking meds and really explained to him about my anxiety disorder. I have so much shame about it but I am glad I told him.
My mum struggles with it too, I think there is a genetic link, she recommended a book to me by Claire Weekes which is really good, all her books are.
http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Help-Your-Nerves-Overcome/dp/0722540132/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1411463606&sr=8-4&keywords=Claire+Weekes
As for triggering, yes Finn, he does trigger me. But so did my last husband and the one before that! I still get the flashbacks to my abuse, especially if he hasn't shaved or the brush of a bushy eyebrow on my face, all sorts of things. and my abuser threw me out of the room saying, 'you are no good' so I guess that had an impact too. I am on the waiting list for therapy for this kind of abuse. they give you 2 years free therapy, so I am waiting for a place. It will be worth it.
the best thing that has happened to me was to move 50 yards away from this adult education college! I could do a class every day ( if I could afford it!) It also has a gym and a pool too so I am going for a swim later, but I quite fancy the aqua aerobics!
hugs girls xxx