big hugs to you... do you feel stuck??

you are not at ground zero. you have made much progress and growth and that never goes away. ..

i think you would be a good candidate for coaching..... i believe you are struggling b/c you have thoughts and thinking patterns that need to be exposed and cleaned up.... you can do this through coaching. or you can get involved in THE WORK or ACT... i have books to recommend if interested. this is cognitive work but not tradition CBT which never worked for me. in fact it only frustrated and angered me and set me back. not atht that's true for everyone.

be kind to yourself no matter what you do or don't do.... self compassion. some days will be frustrating right?? that's okay. it sounds like you are telling yourself the same old story over and over which isn't serving you...... the good news is this is easy to work on. it may take a little while but i KNOW for sure that if you concentrate and devote time to working on these stories and painful thoughts you will get better and not feel so frustrated and hopeless....

www.thework.com you can watch videos of byron katie.
she wrote "i need your love--is that true?" and "loving what is"
the happiness trap by russ harris is another excellent book on ACT.

THE WORK: is that true? absolutely true? how do you behave when you think that painful thought?? who would dyou be without it??(defining the painful thought takes help at first i find)
ACT: oh there is that i'll never get better story again.... or i notice i'm having the thought that i'll never get off this ride.

So sorry you're having a sad day. Try and remember it's just a day and tomorrow will be a little better. I know I still have lots of times that I fall apart and think I can not do this anymore but I also have days where I do feel strong and able to get back to life. It really is a process and a day to day battle. Everyone tells us to stay busy, refocus, blah, blah, blah but dang it, it is exhausting, overwhelming and some days just plain suck.
I find journaling helps, on this site as well as my own private journal. Reading self help books also help me and sometimes, just crawling back into bed is all I can do. Hang in there and just get through the day, we're here if you need us!!!

Thank you both for your replies. I felt frustrated and sad that my life has not progressed to the point where I want it to be yet. I'm scared that there is something fundamentally wrong with me to the point that I will never have what I really want and keep it! I shed some tears and let the moment pass and was back to feeling ok. I looked at finnmyway's list that she just posted and realized that I am progressing from victim to so much more than that. I do have hope but at times my fears and memories of failures get the best of me.

I have those same fears. I am 35 mother of one and have no idea what I should be doing and I dont feel confident that when I do find out that I can do it. I believe it is the I suck at life syndrome. I just made that up but I really believe that at some moment in everyone lives they experience a profound fear that they are ill equipped. Its okay not to be okay and its okay not to know. Thank you for your honesty.

Belle. I am here for you..The best advice I got when I was going through the darkest of times was to just put one foot in front of the other and get through your day. The dark moments come and go, I think we more than most women know we can survive more than most..we are living proof..What helps me refocus is to know that everything that happened to me to date (good or bad) had to happen for me to be me right this minute. That time or experience has not been wasted. You are exactly where you are meant to be and there are infinite possibilities in our future and the choice is ours. I know it doesn' t feel like it, but it is true...Much love.

You're totally on the right track -- don't lose heart! If it's any consolation, I am 52 and the "where I wanted to be" that applied when I was younger has no relevance now. In fact (not saying this is the case with you), many of my ideas of where I should be have proved false, based in who I thought I should be rather than any sort of authentic response to life. (Hope that doesn't sound New Agey.) Today the only thing means anything to me right now is being true to myself and showing up fully. That's all! I feel if I can do that, the rest will fall into place. Love, career, goals, everything. It's good to have dreams but really, in my experience the dreams are just the signposts. They motivate you to take action, but at the end of the day it's all about the journey. And so far in my experience, I have to say that yes there has been pain but that the journey is fabulous and that I have no regrets. Don't give into negative self-talk. Hugs, xo Tokyo

Thank you all again. I remembered that feelings are fleeting & not a conviction. I'm going to continue to do the hard work & more hard work & breathe & just keep it moving!

Yes, it is all just the journey. You are doing great and don't realize it. You are here at this site pouring out your feelings and reaching out for help. That is huge. Took me a long long time to actually see that I was not happy in the life I was living. The life I thought I wanted. The life I created by control. So now of all things I am grateful for it is the being ok with not knowing! Sounds corney doesn't it? Anyway hang in there.

Some day you will look back at this difficult time and say to yourself..."wow I did it. I managed to get thru it...yay me!" I went through one of my darkest moments last September. I could barely drag myself out of bed. I did not want to do another day. But I remember also dragging myself down to the local coffee shop and crying the whole mile while walking in God's country. Then I would journal for an hour and walk back home. It was a painful time and it took everything I had to get out of bed and walk down there. Today I look back at that time fondly. I am proud of myself and they are wonderful memories I created. At the time I never thought that I would ever think they were worth looking back on. But I was actually doing the work to take care of myself without even knowing it. You are doing the work too. Good for you.

I felt that way food a long time too Belle. I was so sad and depressed. I felt like a failure. Alot of that stuff was emotional fallout directly related to the breakup. It took months to pass and over a year to really start feeling better. You will get there too. I fully support you in loving yourself enough to go through this because reaching the other side is worth the pain and so are you.

Something that helped me feel like I was getting somewhere was to pick a goal I hadn't yet gotten around to. We all have something in the back of our minds that we'd like to do someday. Make this your someday. Even the tiniest progress day by day will help you see you do have the power to create the life you want.

Thank you! Each morning as I am coming into work I think to myself - this isn't so bad. You had a nice night at home, you're healthy enough to work and the sun is going to shine again in your life better than ever. I am learning to be more patient. I am trying to wrap my mind around that life is a race.
I had a friend tell me about his financial situation today and I listened through new ears. This financial situation is his own fault. He has been very very foolish. Instead of pointing out all his mistakes that got him to this place or try to help him FIX the situation I simply said I am really sorry. Your story is sad. And that was it. I need to stay on my path and let others stay on theirs.

I meant life "isn't" a race. It's not about the destination but the journey. Trying to enjoy more of the journey. Trying to not compare myself to other people.