Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Jeeez girls.
I just can't help myself but I really need to take some measures to get this under control.
I love to get parcels in the mail,but mainly it ends up overwhelming me with guilt…. but I mainly shop when I feel bad about myself. Thinking that one thing will make me feel ok again - it doesn't of course and its ridiculous to think that is sensible.
Any ideas how to overcome this, is there a process I can follow?
I have one credit cards which I have paid off so many times! It has a few hundred on it, I have had a flurry of spending in the last week, probably because I feel very insecure at the moment and stressed.
I feel if I get new glasses, for instance, I will feel better about how I look and that will give me more confidence which will help make me feel better. Its all linked to my Co-D I know that.
Im trying to take it one day at a time.
My husband is threatening to take all my bank accounts off me but I need to stay in control of this.
I just can't help myself but I really need to take some measures to get this under control.
I love to get parcels in the mail,but mainly it ends up overwhelming me with guilt…. but I mainly shop when I feel bad about myself. Thinking that one thing will make me feel ok again - it doesn't of course and its ridiculous to think that is sensible.
Any ideas how to overcome this, is there a process I can follow?
I have one credit cards which I have paid off so many times! It has a few hundred on it, I have had a flurry of spending in the last week, probably because I feel very insecure at the moment and stressed.
I feel if I get new glasses, for instance, I will feel better about how I look and that will give me more confidence which will help make me feel better. Its all linked to my Co-D I know that.
Im trying to take it one day at a time.
My husband is threatening to take all my bank accounts off me but I need to stay in control of this.
I have always enjoyed clothes and making my self look good, love shoes, fun jewellery etc. I didn't feel so bad about this when I was single!
I think I feel extra guilty as my H makes such a fuss every time a parcel arrives…I generally don't spend what I haven't got. I put the odd thing on my credit card but thats just to keep it going.
I buy to make me feel more confident, but I feel it is very important to my husband that I look good, and sexy….
I suppose I feel he would leave me if I didn't look nice which means I think he loves me for my looks alone…..
Just lately though I have focussed on things to make me feel better, like re-claiming 'me'.
I used to drink herb teas and loved to have a special tea pot and enjoyed the whole ritual of it, as well as them soothing me. So I have gone ahead and bought myself one.
but I feel so guilty!
aaaargh!
this is very complicated first of all. there are layers and layers of this one. please be gentle with yourself. of course it makes sense that you would turn to shopping for stress relief....just see that that is a human and you are super restricted in your life.....no car, no job, no school, no money of your own etc.......the more restricted we are the more we want some sense of control. with shopping and eating and using we can control that. and it is soothing. temporarily.
the other layers are that your husband is financially abusive. this is my assessment only. you may not like me to use words you wouldn't use but he has taken your car, your livelihood and now he's starting to restrict your shopping. in a sense this is your last remaining voice.
art. art. art. stick to your art. you have a really healthy outlet which i'm surprised isn't stifled and thank god it's not. your creativity!! tea and therapy and art and creativity let that be your outlet.
maybe every time you want to spend you could put that money in your hiding place somewhere and watch it grow.....your escape egg. and if you should never escape or want to you can buy a car for yourself.
can you go back to work??? find a part time job???
just be easy on yourself it makes perfect senses that you want to shop to soothe.......i love what you're doing finding new things that could take the place but when you do don't be angry with yourself.....validate yourself....think of this as temporary since you're going places now!!!
I just feel blank.
No ideas at all.
just empty.
but Im trying…hoping if I start it will flow again. One of the reasons I started my degree to MAKE me do it!
loving the whole flowers herb tea!
i have been going to debtors anonymus for the last 3 years and i am doing so much better financialy.
i wasnt much of a compulsive spender but i had minor debts which i could never get rid of, always living on the edge.
dont know if you relate to this so just take what you like and leave the rest.
your plasticine is perfect....creativity doesn't just mean painting i guess....
more of the same sunny......it makes perfect sense to me given where eyou are in your life so please be gentle.your creativity is not gone it's just stifled. have you ever read the artist's way by julia cameron?? a spiritual program to recover our creativity. not necessarily god stuff though...
xoxoxooxox
I think it sounds like you do have a shopping addiction, and that is hard. But your husband is not helping either. He does not have a right to take away your bank accounts or to threaten you with that. That is wrong.
How to overcome this issue? My suggestion is to look at the root of the issue. What are the thoughts you have about yourself when you compulsively spend? What 'triggers' in your life cause to spend? What problems are you trying to solve through spending? And ask yourself...has buying these items ever solved my issue? What is a better way to solve my issue?
Big hugs x
I know how silly it is to think that one hot dress will change my life!
I used to go to the fridge and eat…now I spend.
I have decided to do these things!
I have gone through all my email subscriptions and deleted all the ones related to shops!
I have printed off a calendar and Im going to give myself a star every day I don't splurge.
I am going to pay my bills when I get paid and then take the cash out, what I don't spend I will put in my savings fund.
xxx
also i strongly suggest you set up the sticker star system with rewards built in. allow yourself to buy something once in a while after earning X amount of stars....if you feel deprived you will set yourself up for failure....
GO SUNNY GO!!!!!