Over a year and a half ago I thought I found "him". After failed relationships and marriage I thought I finally found the sweet, sensitive, honest, good father, christian man I was looking for. I kept my wits about me for a while in the beginning. I wanted to make sure he was what I was looking for and make sure I was not trying to fantasize him into what i wanted. He has 2 little girls that began as sweethearts - a little hyper but sweethearts. One is the same age as my daughter. There it was - the family I always wanted and they wanted me! His mother lived with him because she could not afford to live on her own.He opened doors for me, he told me I was beautiful, he loved my body. He was so forthcoming with the compliments, text, phone calls, etc. He was a real man who insisted on sleeping on the side of the bed closest to the door so if an intruder came in he was the as the protector. He held me hand and couldn't get enough of me. We hopped in the car and went on spontaneous weekend trips. He painted my deck for me and pressure washed my house. We did not sleep in the same bed around the girls because we did not want to set a bad example. We attended all events that our kids participated in. We lived an hour away so we talked every night and saw each other on weekends. We helped each other get the three girls ready when we were going somewhere, we shared driving on trips, we went to church together, we even decided on a small life group together at church.

Now I must look back and see the red flags I ignored from this "wonderful man".

*He played poker - quit for the last 6 months but nonetheless a poker player.
* He always talked about what was wrong with the women in his previous relationships. He dated one woman for 6 months right after his divorce then MANY between myself and her. All of them had random issues, for instance: one laughed when he said he did his girls hair, one drank too much, one showed him a picture of herself in a bikini, one bounced her leg too much, one had a bi-polar daughter, several said their marriages ended because it just didn't work out - and he said if a woman says that it means she cheated, one was a nympho, one bought concert tickets without asking him, one text too much, one looked like a man, one was too bossy, one was too sweet, one had crazy hair etc. - get my drift? Of course - stupid me thought , wow he's that picky and he picked me???
*does not take healing time between relationships - jumps from one to the next
* lost his job after 22 years (layoifs) and was living off his savings and severance. Was self-employed as a handyman but never really looked for work.
*walked out on counseling with ex because it was BS.
*made wife sign a pre-nup for the house and joint custody
*he began looking for work only once his money was depleted.
*when work wasn't coming he decided to try his poker skills for income
*dropped out of high school at 16 - got his GED while we were dating though and did not understand why he could not get a high-paying job
*most of the big handyman jobs he got were my friends and family
*said he was not used to someone being supportive of him like I was. Not his mother or anyone else in his life
*his mom was always correcting him instead of supporting him (I saw it)
*he said marriages never last more than 10 years
*EXTREMELY OPINIONATED - if he knew it was fact it was fact NO MATTER WHAT
* I am a Paralegal and he insisted on calling me a secretary even when I explained I am more than that
*never hung out with friends, spoke of many friends but they were never around
*said it is weird for a man to have male friends on FB
*lived with a few women and always broke it off
*he was always the dumper and never the dumpee
*told me often how women were after him
*always wants to be friends with exes
*was about to file bankruptcy
*doesn't put emphais on education for his girls but wants them to be great one day
*poor discipline but criticized my daughters behaviors
*allowed his daughters call their grandma fat, stupid, etc. without consequence (she lived with them)
*allowed his daughters to tickle, poke, stand in my way (to block view or access) even when I asked them not
*criticized me for letting my 9 year old play with toys and sit in my lap
*looked like someone was boiling him when I tried to talk about anything serious related to us - unless he had a strong opinion on it - like my daughter not falling all over is youngest wants and needs.
*My ex made a negative comment about him not making an effort to introduce himself (which he actually had) and after that he would not even speak to him - because he "tried to tell him what to do"
*Admits he does not do well with authority