Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I received a letter from my Ex-N today and, frankly, I'm a bit shaken up. (Last night, I had an overpowering feeling that I would "hear" from him.) Following is the contents of the letter, verbatim:
"Hope things are well with you. Something told me there was something about you that I would find that I don't like. You don't like being told no & you insist on being in control.
Too bad you can't control yourself. But I'm no Psychologist & not try analyzing you. I'll get right to the point of why I have to send this letter. You not only pushed me away in bed, but now there's no communication on line, which I really don't care about.
You sent back to me what you thought was important, but you kept what is really important. My book that I promised for my grand-daughter. If I have to buy a new one please say so. Pushing me away is one thing. KEEPING WHAT I PROMISED TO MY GRAND CHILD IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT..
Please return it, thank you!"
Clearly, this man is profoundly disturbed. He appears to be TOTALLY out of control and desperate to get a rise out of me by saying hurtful things. The very things he accuses me of having done to him (withholding sex; exercising control), were the things he actually did to me. I'm trying very hard not to get too worked-up about this, because I realize that he is projecting all over the place. All this "craziness" is just a manipulative tactic to get me to contact him. I have gone NC for a month now, and I intend to keep it that way.
Not that it matters, but his granddaughter is just 2 years old. I had completely forgotten that I even had the book - an autobiography. I'm leaning towards mailing the book to him (no note, of course), with the hope that he will leave me alone once and for all.
Maybe I'm overreacting here, but all this is beginning to feel a bit "stalker-ish" to me. While we were together, I remember him telling me (with a "possessed" look on his face), about all his ex-girlfriends, who would chase after him, begging him to take them back. (He referred to them as being crazy and out-of-control.) At the time, I didn't think too much about it, but now I can see that he was hell-bent on destroying those women. I can only imagine the devastation he caused. There is no doubt in my mind that he had (and in his twisted mind, still has) the same plan for me. He WILL NOT get that chance, because I plan to STARVE THAT VAMPIRE to death. Now that he has lost control over me, he is grasping for straws. I don't like gloating, but it would appear that I'm "the one who got away."
Your feedback, as always, is appreciated.
"Hope things are well with you. Something told me there was something about you that I would find that I don't like. You don't like being told no & you insist on being in control.
Too bad you can't control yourself. But I'm no Psychologist & not try analyzing you. I'll get right to the point of why I have to send this letter. You not only pushed me away in bed, but now there's no communication on line, which I really don't care about.
You sent back to me what you thought was important, but you kept what is really important. My book that I promised for my grand-daughter. If I have to buy a new one please say so. Pushing me away is one thing. KEEPING WHAT I PROMISED TO MY GRAND CHILD IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT..
Please return it, thank you!"
Clearly, this man is profoundly disturbed. He appears to be TOTALLY out of control and desperate to get a rise out of me by saying hurtful things. The very things he accuses me of having done to him (withholding sex; exercising control), were the things he actually did to me. I'm trying very hard not to get too worked-up about this, because I realize that he is projecting all over the place. All this "craziness" is just a manipulative tactic to get me to contact him. I have gone NC for a month now, and I intend to keep it that way.
Not that it matters, but his granddaughter is just 2 years old. I had completely forgotten that I even had the book - an autobiography. I'm leaning towards mailing the book to him (no note, of course), with the hope that he will leave me alone once and for all.
Maybe I'm overreacting here, but all this is beginning to feel a bit "stalker-ish" to me. While we were together, I remember him telling me (with a "possessed" look on his face), about all his ex-girlfriends, who would chase after him, begging him to take them back. (He referred to them as being crazy and out-of-control.) At the time, I didn't think too much about it, but now I can see that he was hell-bent on destroying those women. I can only imagine the devastation he caused. There is no doubt in my mind that he had (and in his twisted mind, still has) the same plan for me. He WILL NOT get that chance, because I plan to STARVE THAT VAMPIRE to death. Now that he has lost control over me, he is grasping for straws. I don't like gloating, but it would appear that I'm "the one who got away."
Your feedback, as always, is appreciated.
But seriously, my exN said the same type of crazy things any chance he got, which was very few and far between. He sent numerous texts, emails, and voicemails that I never read or listened to. It has been two years now, and he just sent me a text last week.
What excuse will he use next to contact you? Since this one worked.
im sorry it shook you up, as it would any of us. but just let it go love. Do not give him the chance to destroy you. unfortunately, he may continue to try to contact you, especially if you dont respond. he cannot stand being in control. those other women that "chased" him, give him a false sense of worthiness. he likes to think of himself as the one that got away... like susy said, any reply is supply. look at his email, read it again and LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF. look at it, really look at it, doesnt it sound ridiculous?
of course you kept what was really important, but it wasnt that book, it was YOUR OWN SANITY.
I took your advice, Dracona, and re-read his letter. It really does sound ridiculous - stupid, even! (I laughed aloud at the thought of him flipping through the pages of that book, looking for my I'm-sorry-please-forgive-me note.) Indeed, he does want to hurt me; to destroy me; that's his m.o. It fills me with pride to say, HE WILL NEVER HURT ME AGAIN. HIS REIGN OF CONTROL OVER ME IS A THING OF THE PAST! Incidentally, Dracona, he used to speak of himself as if he was the best thing to come along since sliced bread - how any woman would be fortunate to be with him. Ha!
I will let go of all the hurtful things he said to me in that letter. They are, after all is said and done, simply projections of his own hateful, pathetic self.
Sanity Rocks!!
(I chuckled at the thought of him flipping through the pages looking for a note, too ..)
Love and Strength,
ppp