I found a book that I have had for a long time "Are You The One For Me?" by Barbara DeAngeles that I wrote in during my first significant love relationship. Spring 1989, I was 27 years old. I wrote in the book's margin as I was searching for why it was becoming a dysfunctional relationship. I wrote "Wanted - a controlling, intimidating father figure. Someone who will keep me on a rollercoaster ride of my life. Soft and loving, followed by distant, non-responsive and very unloving. If you are insecure and need pity, please let me help you. You must reward my help by being very controlling and intimidating to get me to want you." I'm now 53 and in my second significant dysfunctional relationship. What a long time of being messed up. In many of your posts you say don't be focused on the hardships that we learn from them. I must be a slow learner.

I do not get how this online group work... I do not understnad anything! I belong to other online groups and it is so dfferent! please explain to me if you can...

wildsouldpartner, I found "How Not to Fall in Love with a Jerk" just the thing! It's an excellent book written by a marriage counselor. I think everyone should read it! You can preview it on amazon. I found it in my local library.

I second TokyoRose suggestion, I am almost finished with that book (How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk and Jerkette) I went to a seminar on that topic and it was very helpful. See if your community health department sponsors it, or just Google it. Very worth going to or at least getting the book. I am interested in the book you mentioned, Are you the One for Me? I loved what you wrote in your book, I could have written that myself. It's so odd to see it in print because that explains a lot on how my marriages were. Very enlightening!

I am currently involved with a nice man who is willing to let me take all of the time I need to pursue our relationship. I'm still attached to my ex mentally and emotionally so my walls are definitely up and I am struggling to let myself enjoy and explore this new relationship. We are taking it slow. I wasn't planning on dating, it just kind of happened, we met, he asked me out, I said yes and here I am.....in another relationship. Since we're both older and have raised our kids, we really do have all of the time in the world, absolutely no rush to go anywhere but one day at a time, its really refreshing to not be controlled or pressured for something I'm not ready to give.

I do get upset with myself that my ex is still in my thoughts so often and he doesn't even have a clue. I don't know how to stop those thoughts but at least I don't cry and dwell on our good times daily like in the beginning, I now try to think of his bad side when the good things pop into my head. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

So the journey continues and continues and continues, hopefully we are getting stronger each day. Love this group!!!!!

Thank you - I see Barnes and Nobles has the book "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk" for a very reasonable price.