Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Last night i couldn't sleep. Since i've been here in beachtown for the past 10 days, i've been ok, can't really say that my mind has been free of him but ive had alot of genuinely good moments. But last night i just couldn't get settled, couldn't calm my mind and let sleep take over. And i love my sleep.
I purged instead. I made myself sink into the deepest and lowest, i forced myself to picture his face, hear his voice in my head, feel his presence, his body. I dove into the good and the bad of him. Mostly bad, of course. It is what it is, let's face it.
And i cried. I'm not sure what good it did me but i kinda felt like it was inevitable and that the timing was crucial since i'll be home in 48 hours. Which means that i'll have to face a whole new set of demons. Another chapter, per se. This vacation served as a pivotal point in my NC process. I managed to get through it without breaking, without contacting him. Now, back to reality, back to the real test.
I hope i'm not boring you all with my incessant rambling. I sometimes bore myself. I sometimes scream internally, 'get over it already!'
I purged instead. I made myself sink into the deepest and lowest, i forced myself to picture his face, hear his voice in my head, feel his presence, his body. I dove into the good and the bad of him. Mostly bad, of course. It is what it is, let's face it.
And i cried. I'm not sure what good it did me but i kinda felt like it was inevitable and that the timing was crucial since i'll be home in 48 hours. Which means that i'll have to face a whole new set of demons. Another chapter, per se. This vacation served as a pivotal point in my NC process. I managed to get through it without breaking, without contacting him. Now, back to reality, back to the real test.
I hope i'm not boring you all with my incessant rambling. I sometimes bore myself. I sometimes scream internally, 'get over it already!'
You are doing well and I love the concept of internal purging. I think it is brave and beautiful and it speaks of wise, conscious intention to let go with grace and compassion.
Beautiful.
Alot, if not all of my internal dialogue is based on fear. Coming to the realization that i have total control scared the shit out of me because what this entails is that i have to take full responsibility for what happens next. This has been the common denominator throughout my relationship with M. It has never really been about how poorly he treated me, it's been about how much more manure i was willing to be spoon-fed. This is not to say that he's innocent, no freaken way. But i have a problem with boundaries.
i loved him very deeply and he just didn't care too much about that...and that hurts.