Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I have been on this site for a while now and have read many posts about "when he texted me" or "I ran into him at the market" , etc... But I never had much experience with it.
My first nutcase last year did not live close and when I went no contact, he never contacted me. I guess I was lucky. When I did run into him several months later I did have all those feelings come up. My heart began to race, and I felt panicky and I really desperately wanted to run away. I thought I would die if I had to talk to him. So I avoided him at all cost. I would get up and leave a meeting if he was there. After about 7 months I ran into him at a walmart. I was with the BF. He asked how we were. When the BF responded he looked right at me and said "I am talking to you too Shani." Then I looked at him and thought to myself in a calm manner, I do not wish to even give you the time of day, but I will respond as if you were a stranger and I said "just fine also, thanks." I did not have all those feelings anymore and I really just did not care what he said or if he went on his marry way. He no longer affected me.
So now I am in a little different scenario. I HAVE to see my hubby because of our son. I have had very little contact with him in the past week. I set up a separate e-mail address for him and blocked him on my phone. I wanted to protect myself. But now I find that whenever my son brings up his name I get those nervous feelings. Just the mention of his name makes me nervous and makes my mind start spinning. It makes me have sad feelings of what could have been. It makes me not want to take care of myself. It actually makes me forget about myself and only think about him. I hate this.
So how do you deal with the triggers that make you feel this way? How do you deal with knowing that you can never go no contact. And what about getting along for my son's sake? What about being kind and loving for my son's sake? WE are his parents. He hates to hear us talk bad about each other, so for the most part we don't, but the ignoring the other parent is very real. What kind of a message is that sending my son when I go no contact with his dad who my son only witnessed us arguing and never any violence?
But then there are those darn triggers. They make me crazy. I do not want to feel those feelings. Feelings of vulnerability. Feelings of being left behind for someone better. Feelings of not being good enough. Feelings of why couldn't I have a wonderful marriage. Feelings of when will these emotions and physical reactions end?
So my question is do you keep going through these feelings as the triggers come up, do you avoid seeing or talking to him afraid that the triggers will never end, or do you face them somehow knowing that they will eventually go away? I do not know.
My first nutcase last year did not live close and when I went no contact, he never contacted me. I guess I was lucky. When I did run into him several months later I did have all those feelings come up. My heart began to race, and I felt panicky and I really desperately wanted to run away. I thought I would die if I had to talk to him. So I avoided him at all cost. I would get up and leave a meeting if he was there. After about 7 months I ran into him at a walmart. I was with the BF. He asked how we were. When the BF responded he looked right at me and said "I am talking to you too Shani." Then I looked at him and thought to myself in a calm manner, I do not wish to even give you the time of day, but I will respond as if you were a stranger and I said "just fine also, thanks." I did not have all those feelings anymore and I really just did not care what he said or if he went on his marry way. He no longer affected me.
So now I am in a little different scenario. I HAVE to see my hubby because of our son. I have had very little contact with him in the past week. I set up a separate e-mail address for him and blocked him on my phone. I wanted to protect myself. But now I find that whenever my son brings up his name I get those nervous feelings. Just the mention of his name makes me nervous and makes my mind start spinning. It makes me have sad feelings of what could have been. It makes me not want to take care of myself. It actually makes me forget about myself and only think about him. I hate this.
So how do you deal with the triggers that make you feel this way? How do you deal with knowing that you can never go no contact. And what about getting along for my son's sake? What about being kind and loving for my son's sake? WE are his parents. He hates to hear us talk bad about each other, so for the most part we don't, but the ignoring the other parent is very real. What kind of a message is that sending my son when I go no contact with his dad who my son only witnessed us arguing and never any violence?
But then there are those darn triggers. They make me crazy. I do not want to feel those feelings. Feelings of vulnerability. Feelings of being left behind for someone better. Feelings of not being good enough. Feelings of why couldn't I have a wonderful marriage. Feelings of when will these emotions and physical reactions end?
So my question is do you keep going through these feelings as the triggers come up, do you avoid seeing or talking to him afraid that the triggers will never end, or do you face them somehow knowing that they will eventually go away? I do not know.
belle8194
I would say you face those fears straight on & deal with them. Running does no good. I also would think you gave your marriage a fair shake & it didn't work out. As far as being together for the sake of your child that really never works. They need two happy & healthy parents regardless if they are together or not. Are you still with this BF? If so, what are you doing with one foot in one relationship & a foot in the other? That's not how you will get over anything.
lucidak
Belle is right Shani, it is the unresolved feeings about them that causes those feelings. I needed help in dealing with those before I could let go completely. But it took about 4 years. It is a lifelong tie when you have a child together, but today I am able to talk to him and even share something funny about our son when he comes to pick up. It is all about taking back the power you gave them when you were together..He has no power to hurt me in any way...
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