No yelling. Just ask youself:
Are you happier "worrying" what he's talking about with his ex, his best friend?
Are you happier "wondering" what he's thinking when he says little about what's "really" going on?
Are you happier "not communicating" about the reality of the relationship?
Are you happier in a "healthy" relationship, where love and respect is foremost?
Are you happier in a "loving" relationship where love means being truthful with your partner?
Are you happier knowing your relationship leaves "NO Question" about where you stand with them?
Like most of us here on this forum, we have oftentimes forgotten to listen to our inner voice. Our intuition telling us "RED FLAG"! Do you want to "settle" or do you want to have "solid" in your relationship? The crazy talk will make you crazy, and that does not equal happy. I remember crazy, hated it, and now when crazy wants to rear it's head, I remind myself of the questions I posed to you. I remember how happy I am to be rid of the doubt, angst, unhappiness, questioning myself, worry, and never having a strong footing. You're a mother and I'm sure a good one, so take a look at what you "DO" have, and not focus on what you "could" have. You know how these things play out. You often refer to your ex, and not knowing that situation, I wonder if it's worth taking a look at? I give you double thumbs up, to being proactive, recognizing your daughter's observation, and recognizing what you "really" don't want, even though it hurts like hell. I know it does. But you can get through this. You're stronger than you realize right now, but your strength is showing through by asking good questions and getting feedback. Too often we don't do that and end up completely miserable for an even longer time! Move on and get your lease. Change is always hard, but if it's for the greater good, than you're on the right track!! **HUGS**

Hi Dracona
My view is that you have definately made the right decision, I left my x over4 months ago, and there was a lot of involvement with his x, there were so many lies, so many arguments, some mornings I would wake up and he would be talking to her on the phone, in the end I thought I was going mad, I was well and truly locked in his triangle, I was looking through his phone and finding texts he had sent her with xxxxxx at the ending.
I was left out emotionally in the cold, and I had started to put my feelings before my principles and I paid the price, I gathered the strength to leave and as painful as it was, I have made it through, I am still on the road to recovery, but the peace of mind I have is worth it, well done on signing your lease, now concentrate on your re-lease from him, loving someone is not about telling lies and disrespect, I wish when my x told me the first lie about his x, I would have had the strength to leave, but I stayed, so give yourself a pat on the back and make a new life for your daughter and yourself, dont listen to your head, dont go into your head unsupervised, our head plays games with us when we are vunerable, talk things through with someone. You have helped so many women by starting this site up, now its time to help yourself, be kind to yourself and trust in the process that your are now being guided on to a different path.

Just the fact that you are in this quandry shows that there is a problem. Nice guys don't leave you rattled and confused and second quessing yourself.

How do you know if you are being gaslighted? If any of the following warning signs ring true, you may be dancing the Gaslight Tango. Take care of yourself by taking another look at your relationship, talking to a trusted friend; and, begin to think about changing the dynamic of your relationship . Here are the signs:

1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself
2. You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
4. You're always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
5. You can't understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren't happier.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family.
7. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless.
13. You feel as though you can't do anything right.
14. You wonder if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/ wife/employee/ friend; daughter.
15. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.

Remember, there is good news about identifying the Gaslight Effect. The good news is that knowledge is power. Once you can name this all too insidious dynamic, you can work towards changing the dynamic, or getting out -- take back your reality, and, get more enjoyment from your life and your relationship!

Remember how it was with him, Dracona. So much pain and crazy-making!!!!!

You've come this far. You know what you're dealing with. And even if you're not clear on what you DO want, you know what you DON'T want.

Good job coming here and posting!!!! BE STRONG!!!! You know what you have to do. DO IT!!!

(I need to hear the same thing .... and what helps me tremendously is telling myself the things I just posted.)

LOVE AND STRENGTH,

ppp

I needed to read all these posts. Thank you everyone. I feel good and a bit confident that I will be okay, then another day, I am panicked - I don't want to always be strong and alone.

There is so much good advice - am going to read everything again!

Happy weekend to all.

Don't feel bad, I do the same thing .. every day. I say IF he was so bad then he would have cheated while I was living there, IF he was so bad he wouldnt have bought me everything I wanted, IF he was so bad, he wouldnt have done this or that...but we need to focus on saying IF he was so good, we wouldnt have cried over him so much, IF he was so good he wouldnt have called me those names, IF he was so good we would still be with him. I'm here if u need to talk, i got your im yesterday, just been working so much. message me if u want.

Thanks girls. and i wrote him and told him i thought it a good idea that we move out, and work on our own personal issues and growth, as separate people. That if he wanted to continue dating, it would be a better idea to not live together because i was too angry at the situation and i didnt trust him anymore.
i said that knowing that he wont try. it will be too much for him. he cant be alone, and i dont want to be with a man who cant be alone. he says he is different. if that is true, then he will respect me and my space, and do things to prove me wrong, but i dont expect it. i found a place, small, but nice landlord, and nice yard.

its hard. very hard, and very scary. but im ok with it, because the minute i told him, and we didnt fight about it, a huge relief came down from my shoulders, i felt lighter, so i know i am making the right choice.
its too much stress. i shouldnt have to worry about a relationship, it should just be... i keep hearing those old voices... wanting to believe him, wanting to stay, wanting for him to prove to me he is the man i love, that i want, that our dreams will come true... but i keep shutting the door on those voices, and they are knocking still. i will not allow myself the fantasy thinking. i dont care about remembering the good times, because fact is... i am uncomfortable and i do not trust the future, and that is all that matters.