Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I haven't been on here in months. I didn't have the need to be on here, or so I thought. I regret that now. My ex - N came crawling out of the woodwork 2 months ago. Called me up out of the blue. Really surprised me as he had been completely out of my life for 4 months. In those 4 months I got my act together, was strong and truly felt that I was moving on from that N and the N prior to him. I tricked myself into thinking that I could handle him now. I had my own job, my own place to live, a lot of really great and positive friends and co-workers who were more than supportive of me. What could he possibly do? Wrong! He immediately tried to make himself my #1 priority. It was to the point of suffocation and then as suddenly as he reappeared he began the "isolation". Critiquing me in the harshest way. Nothing I did was good enough. My family is going through some bumps and he would never sympathize with me. Always reitterated every worry I expressed with a story that trumped mine. Always trumping everything. He flipped the scrip again and we finally came to blows on Thanksgiving. He blocked all of my phone lines and basically told me that I was to blame for everything. It amazes me how much he blames everyone else for everything in his life. He thinks he is a prize when he is clearly insane. Now I am in a much better place than I was the first time he left me but I am so angry with myself. I am angry that I got sucked back in. I am angry that I put pieces of my life on hold while I helped him with his. It only lasted 2 months but it was 2 months too long. I want to get out of this funk. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
There are some great ladies on here with lots of experienced advice. Much more than i can give as a novice N victim. So, i can only tell you about my personal experience.
I recently went back & I too felt like you, very strong & positive. Taking it slow before getting too emotionally involved again to see if things would be different. It was, we were getting on better than ever,he was thoughtful & sensitive of my needs & I really thought he had changed. IT FELT different, like normal, healthy, relaxed.
I wasn't about to fall into a false sense of security though, the old doubts were still in that corner of my sensible thinking. So instead of falling into the needy trap again I conditioned my brain to be a little cold & calculating. My objective was to lull HIM into a false sense of security. I would bide my time & eventually catch him out. I fell at the first fence though! We began having longer phone conversations than before & did the "miss you, love you" thing a couple of times & I was hooked again! Lasted 3 weeks before I caught him out. See the topic I posted "Finally the truth"
At least this way you need never have any doubts that you might have made a mistake, you know for sure he was as you felt all along.
At least you are in a better place this time, you have even more experience and reserves to draw on, and a supportive network.
Don't get mired down with it, its done. Put it in the past where it belongs and run on ahead to your future xx