First stop beating yourself up. The number one thing we need to learn is to love ourselves more, then we can figure out exactly what we want in a relationship. It is okay if you don't want someone that is overweight. Don't settle just because you feel like you need to be in relationship. Someone just being nice isn't enough to sustain a relationship. Be appreciative that you have a nice friend in your life, and hold out for the relationship of your dreams, because you are worth it!

I dont think i feel the need for a relationship, ive been alone for a year now, through out my pregnancy. i refused to date anyone, or look at anyone that way. but now that baby is out, and he is there, well... its on my mind, but the question to myself is, can i date a bigger guy? He says he wants to lose weight and stuff, but you know how we are about people saying things.... i dont know where to draw the line sometimes, i dont like promises.

Weight just isn't about appearance. It affects overall health and may lead to chronic health problems. If you think you may be interested in a REAL relationship with this guy that would be a way to approach it. Sit back and watch. See if he does follow thru and make the changes necessary to start taking care of himself and his weight. THe talking him up and feeling like you have to justify your relationship to other people? I'm not quite sure where that is coming from.

We have to stop letting our past mask the potential of the future. You don't like promises but he could very well do what he says. Just cause one guy hurt you, doesn't mean this guy will.

My boyfriend (we broke up today after 9 months, but I'm still going to refer to him as my boyfriend until I can TRULY let it sink in) kept trying to bring down my Wall of defence (Ironically, I thought I was disgusiting, I thought I was fat, I THINK that my body is unbelievably gross) and of course after 9 months of trying to help me he realized that I need to help myself. So... Now we broke up. And we may have just lost the best thing in eachothers lives over MY insecurities of my body.

So, ofcourse I've resolved to lose weight, figure out how to love myself. It WILL happen and it's not the last of my new found relationship. If anything he has given me an opportunity to change and be the person I want to be. Sometimes people hold on to their "fat" because they want to be loved in their darkest times. And when they feel love they can 'come out and shine'. Unfortunately, I did not shine in time.

But you have to give people a chance...

dont beat yourself up over not shining in time. these things take time. and now you know you dont need love from someone else to shine, only yourself. and maybe in time when you feel more confident and stable in yourself, you two will meet up again.

you know, ive gone for it. we are together. we spend almost all our free time together. and you know... i am HAPPY. I like the way i feel about myself around him. i feel, home when its me him and my daughter watching a show. i feel cared for. and he even handles my neroutic episodes. its hard to feel this way again after a while, and after what i just went through with my baby's donor.
every once in a while my shallow thoughts come in, but really, i dont want to be anywhere then where i am right now, with him.

This happened to me, I thought I had a diamond in the rough, he was my best frend ,always there I never saw that side of him as a lover, my b/f at the time treated me so bad ,I just was not attracted to my buddy ,I thought oh he is so immature, irresponsible, and he was so good to me, Well I convinced myself I just wasnt used to a happy love ,so I went for it, OH MY GOD ,DID I EVER PAY FOR THAT, I married the man--no kids involved and I was the breadwinner, i BOUGHT US A HOME, BOAT HIM A NEW TRUCK AND i FINALLY FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM, 2 YRS. LATER THIS FOOL WAS A NICE MAN, GOOD FRIEND, HE HATED SEX, NEVER DID IT, GAINED A 100LBS, STAYED GONE WITH HIS BUDDIES ALL THE TIME AND DID NOT care how we made it ,I always thought he was a gentleman because he never bothered me sexually, boy did I get hurt ,you bet I did, packed his stuff and put him out starting all over again ,in therapy ,lost my job, the home, wheres he at his Moms and playing with his toys with his friends, and its been 2 yrs. and it still hurts

sorry to hear that becky. you know, i kinda did that with my baby's father. forced myself into loving him. i think its harder to let go when you make yourself care, because you put WORK into it, didnt just let it happen. but its hard for people like us to just let it happen cause we area always on guard and dont necessarily know how to let it happen. its a complicated thing.
what i like about right now is i dont feel pressured, or rushed. and i feel like i could walk away anytime i wanted to, and he would respect my choice. like he would respect any choice i made. and he works, so no worries there. I was just having a hard time accepting the weight issue. he is everything i never wanted, and i am happy.
my knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil,
and i dont need anyone to save me anymore. im sorry you are hurting becky. but you are strong, especially that you were able to kick him out and get the help you need. see? you werent happy, and you left, to make yourself happy, even though it hurt. thats healthy. thats strong. and you should be very proud of yourself.