oy. wreckage from the past.

i don't think it's fair to tell them not to be friends but i do think it's fair to tell your daughter that unless there is something mom needs to know you don't want to know what's going on in his life.....

no secrets just not really interested to know. i think a 9 year old would understand that nuance.

what about visitation and play dates and such. that is another issue. you might have to re consider this.....still i think unless he was violent with you and horribly inappropriate and disrespectful and abusive you may need to suck it up a little bit (with limits) to support their friendship.....

how long have they been besties? does she consider you a mom??? she may need support........

not fun.

They were besties for a year and a half. Yes. She did consider me a mom as well as the 6 year old. I understand sucking it up and I will do what I need to do to support my daughter and his daughters too. They were like my own. No he was not abusive - the issues lie as I have described earlier. When yiu get close to someone's children and they close to yours you don't think of the possible fallout later.

it's so hard

....i think though it's healthier and better for the kids to remain connected IF possible for you....their relationships might change over time if they aren't spending as much time together......

i wider why he hasn't told his daughter yet.... if she finds out from him she might get mad at your daughter for not telling her....oy. friendship politics i guess there's no use worrying about b/c there's nothing you can do....

in other words, when she does find out their friendship will probably change naturally.

Yes, the friendship probably will change. I didn't feel it was appropriate for my daughter to tell her. I did tell her is she text her looking for us this weekend then she could tell her why we will not be there. She can always put it back on me. Honestly, I think he was in hopes mine would tell so he would not have to. He did not understand why i was telling mine : I remember one time his daughter told me that daddy was dating someone once and then just one day she never saw her again. That keeps running through my head. I want to be there for his girl and I miss even their bratty ways :-) If they want to talk to me I will but it is a slippery slope for me.

i wonder if we can make a plan for you so you don't feel like you're on a slippery slope leading to loss of control....

like wait 24 hours before responding?? for starters...

24 hours sounds good for me but if a 6 and 10 year old are looking for love and support that is a really long time. These are the times I wish I could turn my big heart off. You never know though - he may take her phone away from her if she gets upset because he knows she will sneak and contact me. He commented a few times that he loses his girls whenever I am (was) around :-/

what a jerk.competing over his daughter's attention?? and he would cut her off for contacting you?? sheesh. i can see the slippery slope. i'd have to go off if he did that to his child.

i don't know what the right thing is. what would you want if the tables were turned?

are you able to suck it up?? i know we talked about it but are you able to in this situation???

what do you think the triggers would be for you?? what is the worst thing that can happen??

yeah, we won't start on him - I'm actually dong OK tonight - so far! I take it minute by minute.
I know if I do not hear from the girls it is because he told them not to contact me. Even if there is another woman around the oldest would.After all, her daddy couldn't look at another woman much less speak to one - even if it was a friend I knew about without her telling me. It was kind of funny. The little one was very attached to me but does not have a phone.

If the tables were turned I would at least let my daughter say goodbye. l even told her she could tell him goodbye is she wanted to. She did not want to.

I will suck it up when it comes to the girls. It i the right thing to do. I don't think I will initiate contact. After all, he may not tell them until they wonder where we are.

The triggers are wanting to talk to him if I hear him in the background. I have maintained NC which is not what he wanted because he did not want to lose me as a friend (bleh). Worse that could happen is my NC is broken and I start from scratch.

Under,

I can understand what you are going through on some levels. I am still in my relationship but I think about what will happen to my son is I severe the relationship. But I wont stay for my son but I would leave quickly for him. I tell my son that we are the main course everything else is extra. Even in the relationship I am preparing him for the end of it. That's kind of sad but....

I will say it sounds like your daughter is in good hands. She can talk to you and it seems like you talk to her honestly in way she can understand. I love that for you...I have that with my son. The greatest peace that I have gained in my life in regards to parenting is this. I will make mistakes, I will hurt my son, and disappoint, at times I will be unavailable physically and emotionally. But I am living proof that there is nothing I can do as a parent that God cannot and will not heal. I am not the ultimate factor in who we will become or how he will live his life...he is.

I am not sure if those little girls will circle back into your life and this may sound harsh but I don't intend it to be....they will be okay with or without you. That is peace....that is freedom now you can choose what is best for you.

Thank you. Yes, i know they will be just fine, I do not agree with all of the parenting their parents participate in but they have a dad and a mom (obviously in separate houses) who love them very much! It is just when two little girls were in your life along with the BF it makes it all different. I m afraid he may try to blame it on me so they will not be mad at him but I have no control over that and I have to accept it as such. My daughter is so hurt by all of this and I have to be her strong example - Lord help me! i wish the same for them - again I have no control.

As far as your son I believe you are dong the right thing by preparing him. The end will not be such a shock for him. It sounds like you are doing great!

i don't think you really need opinions and advice...i think you know what to do....maybe you need our support as you go along??

You may be right. I guess I am looking at validation for my decisions. This break-up has hit my already fragile self-esteem pretty hard. i am going to try to shut my brain off today and have fun with my daughter. That is a good start :-)

that's a GREAT THING!!! enjoy!!! come back and tell us what you did????
you may just inspire the rest of us!

We had a great day! We went to a science museum that included a planetarium. We then went an hour And a half further and went to Ruby Falls cavern. We are just getting home and settled. I left my phone in the car and stayed bust enough to not think think think..... Until the 2.5 hour drive home. I gave my phone to my daughter to play on so I was not tempted to use it inappropriately- because I had all kind of text worked up in my head :-/ I hope everyone else had a good day as well!