I know how you feel ..please try and not call him !!!! all you will be doing is inflating his ego and putting yourself in the firing line for more disappointment ......
I have unbelieveable urges ...like no other ,but why is now going to be any different ????? Will the crumb turn into a loaf ??? errr no will he declare his love apologise and make all the pain go away ??? errr doubt it !!!

Please put the phone down and take yourself out of the firing line,i really really know how you feel ,the pain ,emptiness and that feeling of rejection !!!
Take control of your own feelings ,DONOT put your heart in his hands ,he has no right to break it !!!

I know the initial high you get when seeing them ,but i try and remember the intense disappointment when you realise nothing has changed ...please don't go for crumbs like some grateful labrador ...and trust me get through this and tomorrow will be better ...xxxx

Yes...he does know that reaching out to you makes you give in. That is because it is ALL about him, not you. It is all about how he feels, what he wants and how you can help him feel better. Let go. Let go for you. We need to let go of the old to prepare ourselves for the new. You may feel like if you let go of the bird in the hand you have lost something, but honestly there is nothing in the bush. You are moving forward. Don't go backwards, don't even go sideways or stand still. Keep moving forward without him. Be patient, it will pass I promise. It's normal to feel anxiety over what is ahead, to grieve the loss, to miss the feelings. But, that is what you are missing is the feeling. Not him. Not someone who could be so selfish and throw away something as awesome as you. No Contact. No Contact. No Contact.

Don't give up Miss. I also wanna see love in his eyes and not this coldness and lack of affection, I was just working out and I had this fantasy about him that made me drift away for a while but then I almost had to slap myself in the face to stop thinking about him. I know I should be gentle with myself but these thoughts are driving me crazy. Why do I want him so much?

I know what you're thinking, you think you missed the perfect chance to get him back but think about what it was like for you. It would not change. It would still be the same. He's the same man that you broke up with. He's not magically turned into a prince charming.

The pain doesn't go away so fast. Baby steps, remember? You can choose better than him. Day by day, minute by minute you learn to breathe again. You're not defined by him. You're a wonderful woman and mother. He couldn't appreciate that. He lost.

Read Baggage Reclaim ............................Amen to no contact !!! ( however fell off that wagon several times )
Each time the pain gets worse ...................

DON'T DO IT !!!!!!!!

The worst part is that I know he's dying for me to call him. For whatever reason, and yes, most likely to feed is ego, he is checking his phone over and over. I know he's scratching his head as to why I haven't made a move, and I know he's probably even thinking he wants to change, because at this point, I've made it clear that I won't go back to him unless things are different. I know he made a move after all that time, because I wasn't making it. I know that he now knows I'm serious and that he can no longer count on my crawling back to him. So he's thinking he can make himself and me believe that things will be different. Does this make any sense?
This has never happened with us, he's never made a move, because I've always beat him to it. My resistence to his contact surprises even me. I can't imagine what he's thinking.
But how am I to know if he's for real? I'm not sure I want to take that chance. I'm so scared.

I won't call him. I won't. Jesus Christ.

It's all a game ........who will give in first ...who will get the upper hand ????
Love should not be this difficult,let him wait .you get back in the driving seat of your life ,i have always given ,i hate the thought of hi thinking bad of me and like you what if i ignore this attempt of contact and what if this was the time he will change !!!!!!
He has told me night after night he has sat on msn ,checked my facebook !!! knowing i was on line ,waiting for me to start talking ...knowing i will start ,then there arrrr you see they do want me ,i am irristable and i am not in the wrong ...!!!!!
Stay strong x and by the way i am shouting at myself at the mo and convincing myself not to call...

lol..... i love the way we express ourselfs... i know exactly how you feel and get your thinking... i never gave pk the chance to make the moves i've alway beat him to it also.... i do think HE wants things to be ok and would love a good relationship together... and he know how to make changes and be a man... he isn't afraid to get what he wants for selfish reasons... so if he really wants me back I will have to see the changes... he will have to tell me, show me that he is willing to create a healthy bond, relationship.... he is not stupid, he knows and understands my disfunction, but he needs to claim, know and understand his own. i don't have expectations of this change to happen but i still have a tad of hope that we are meant for each other... but in the mean time i am going to do the work i need to do for myself... stop blaming him... stop the roller coaster stupidity of falling for the shit i know doesnt work...

If he grows up, cleans his house, cleans his life up, contacts his son and starts being a dad, apologizes and shows/tells me how he will make amends and be a real man and a whole book of other issues he has to work on to be in a good relationship (with not just me with anyone woman he meets, with his friends, with making new friends, with his family all aspects of his life). This is more than likely not going to happen but regardless (if he miraculously change I would still have my issues to work on, so if he became a new man things would still not work cause I would still be the sick woman who doesn't know how to be with an awesome man.) anyhow i hope you get my point... i have work to do on myself regardless of his actions, how he treated me, he is not my only problem... i am my problem... it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't know right now i have to focus on what i know is right for me and my sanity... he is responsible for his .... Jesus Christ (lol) I like that ending... uggh

It's sick. I can't do it anymore. Can't put myself in that vulnerable state anymore.
I'm happy with how things are, I have the upper hand, I stay silent. He still hasn't said what he needs to say. and if he really wants to say it, he doesn't need me to acknowledge his meaningless msgs, he can just say it. I keep excusing him, keep saying he is who he is, and that I can't expect him to be anyone else. Well, he doesn't need extensive surgery, he needs to grow some balls. He needs to be a man.
I feel crazed with all these ups and downs. One second I NEED to make myself be heard, show him I'm here, still here. And the very next moment, liek now, I want him to know nothing. I want him to really feel the loss.

Look out, I may change personalities again very soon, ladies!

Sigh...

what was it that happened that made you send that scorching email? will that change?

Nothing happened. ABSOLUTELY nothing. What I mean is that our relationship had not evolved in teh least. He was fine with how things were. He had not met my family, had minimal contact with my son, I had only met a handful of his family members. We hardly did anything together, he woudl spend nights at my place but that was it. There was hardly any sex, or affection. I was the invisible girlfriend. I had broken up with him in the past for the same reasons but always came back, always thought he would 'grow up'. I never put my foot down, because I was afraid to rock the boat. I finally did when i sent him that scorching email, I laced into him and told him everything that was unacceptable. Maybe I went about it the wrong way, it came out of left field, but i just couldn't hold it in any longer. He had to know once and for all how very wrong he's been. How much he's hurt me with his indifference. I'm not regretting it, it had to come out.
Will it change, who teh hell knows. I'm not sure if i want to find out because silence has given me strength. Acknowledging him now means setting myself up for disappointment. I think I'd rather not know whether he's capable of loving me, REALLY loving me, than the alternative.
I just can't wrap my brain around why he'd make contact now, knowing how deeply it would hurt me if he's not all in. He has to know that I'm serious. HE HAS TO KNOW.

we really are pretty funny with our thinking and changing our minds... lol i sent emails a while back to get every thing off my chest... it didn't help the relaionship but it helped me to not carry it around... i have no regrets cause now i know that silence or pouring my heart out do no good... so i would rather just move on and be free of my own demons that come about trying to convince someone we are good together etc... for me the reason my man never took me serious is because I would always give into his needs... every time I said what ever I said, like i'm done, i really meant it at the time... but i always reconsider, questions myself and my motives and reconsider.... some people give 1 2 or 3 strikes and then out,,,, i think my tolerance in this area sucks and is lacking in commitment cause I give more like 17 99 50983 chances before i can finally strike situations, people etc out... i reaaallly have lots of work to do to figure out who I am, what I want, what i will tolerate, who i want to tolerate, what makes me happy, what doesn't make me happy, what makes me feel good and what doesn't ... stop blaming him for my lack of commitment to myself because of his lack of commitment to others.... i do believe compromise is important but I don't have to compromise myself, my morals, my beliefs my dignity.... all the things I/we compromise to please others. my expectations of how others should and do treat me are waayyy to low...that is no ones fault but my own.. i need to take a long hard look in my own mirror and take responsiblity for my actions just as much as the next narc/path lol..... my situation and life will not change unless i make clear changes and stick with them... trying to get my needs met through others changing their ways instead of changing mine is like trying to brush my teeth and get them clean while eating an oreo.... impossible : ) believe in myself not believe what others say do or how they act to define who i am.

I know you can do this. I thought that if he calls, what I would do. I thought that I would go out with him and then call his bluff, demand to go to his home, meet his "best friend", but I don't know what that would prove. He is sick. It doesn't matter anymore. He cheated, I am done. You deserve a partner, someone that will love you without conditions or limitations. Love ya, know you can do it!

I know how you feel, its almost compulsive and once I get it in my head to calor text I am crazy, anxious, palpitating.. HORRIBLE FEELINGS.

Ride it out!

I know! it's terrible! Once I get it in my head, I know there is no coming back from it. Nothing short of a miracle could stop me. Welll, I guess a miracle happened because I did ride it out and man am I glad I did.
The things I thought of to text him are so ridiculous, I'm laughing at myself now. Thank goodness I didn't.
Silence is golden.

yeah!! i can discuss all the right things to do but the gut wretching crazy anxious palpitating sweating mental case I become feelings are still with me .... HORRIBLE is right... I'm not crazy bout Dr Phil but today he had couples in trouble on his show. the one wife had a horrible childhood and always waits for the next shoe to fall... dr P told her she needed to heal what she is dragging ito the here and now... and the other wife was waiting for the husband to stop cheating and other stuff, gave him all the power to decide. they talked about the fact that she had choices to make and didn't have to wait for him to make the decision if she stayed or not, it is her responsiblity to leave if she needs to. we are entitled to what we know we want i have stopped waiting for him to decide for me ... he has shown and told me what he wants and doesn't want... i want way more than he has to offer so i am deciding to stop