Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
ok... its getting close. i told him my move out date... depending on if i get my checks. at first he's ok with it, admitting his mistakes... then he isnt, then he is begging me to stay, none of which is changing my mind...
he goes from saying thats alot of money, you should stay, ill sleep on the couch, to you are suppossed to be helping me, and you are taking that money out the house. i havent touched him, or wanted to, since i found out he was lying to me. that is the boundry, that you never cross with me. NO blatant lies. none. he doesnt understand. i DONT CARE if you were just watching movies with her, or doing the dirty with her, YOU LIED TO ME. i think its FUNNY how he keeps saying just trust me, after he LIED to me. ive been doing really good about not letting him get to me, but he got to me today. i didnt want to do anything all weekend, i wanted a lazy weekend with me and my daughter, so i didnt, i didnt get dressed, i didnt get up... i just played with her and napped. he was there all weekend. he wouldnt leave. ugh.. i just went about my business like normal. he was trying to be nice. well today comes around, and he is getting ready for church, asks to take my daughter so she can play. i said no i had plans and wasnt too sure how much i wanted her in church just yet or how i felt about it. i had let him take her one time before, because i needed sleep so badly between work and school. well he flipped, got pissed. said i never let him do anything with her, that they dont even talk about jesus. then flips to... so any kid i have with you will not be in church...? i cant do this, im done with you, you can get out today, ill call the cops and have them escort you out. i just sat there and said whatever. he then says how much you need? ill go get a loan so you can get out today. says, hey, fuck off, then walks away, then comes back like, is this what you really want? you really dont want us? you really never loved me then... everyone always leaves, no one sticks by me. JOKES on him, ive heard this song and dance before and it was old before it started. now if anything, it PISSES ME OFF. he said, its done, its over, leave it be, let me fix it. im telling him he cant fix it, damage done, i dont believe a word he says now. then he stretches his arm out, and says come here crazy butt, all i wanted was a hug and it hurt my feelings when you didnt give it to me. i still said no, then he smiles, and jumps on me, kissing me, i pushed him and wouldnt kiss him back, he keeps kissing me... and is like oh stop. then gets up and says im sorry for saying fuck off to you, it hurt me, i apologize, im gonna be beating myself up for it all day. then heads out the door.
like seriously? UGH. and there is something inside me, that is very protective of the weak, or even of the world i feel, and i want to just rip him into a million pieces. he is lucky im a mommy cause if i didnt have her to worry about i might just do such a thing. like they REALLY DONT GET IT. they are incapable of change, because they are INSANE and incapable of understanding simple things. like this... YOU LIED TO ME, YOU HURT ME, IM LEAVING, AND IM ANGRY LEAVE ME ALONE. his rationalization is... i know i did, and i was wrong, i love you and talk about you all the time, everyone see's how happy i am, i am so close to achieving my goals, to be the first in my family with a college degree. because ive been so happy at home, i understand i hurt you, but i need your help. everyone leaves me. NO, im not going to counseling, and if you leave its over, just stay. i already fixed it, i dont talk to her anymore, you heard when she called yesterday, she hung up on me (after asking him for forty bucks for a new cell phone) UGH im so annoyed. he makes himself sound so innocent. yah, they are best friends, they cuddle and watch movies together... WITHOUT THE OK OF THE GIRLFRIEND. ugh.
A REAL MAN, would never make the same mistake to begin with, and even if he did, he would own up to it, and let me be, and if he was serious about making it up to me, he would let me go, let me have my space, and then try to prove to me through fixing himself and doign what it takes. knowing that there may never be a chance to be ok again. the 7th cant come soon enough... or whenever my checks get here... i need them asap. sick of this, this will drive me insane.
nice guys dont threaten to call the cops on people simply because they are upset and consider being upset an excuse to their actions. yuck. i wanna barf.
he goes from saying thats alot of money, you should stay, ill sleep on the couch, to you are suppossed to be helping me, and you are taking that money out the house. i havent touched him, or wanted to, since i found out he was lying to me. that is the boundry, that you never cross with me. NO blatant lies. none. he doesnt understand. i DONT CARE if you were just watching movies with her, or doing the dirty with her, YOU LIED TO ME. i think its FUNNY how he keeps saying just trust me, after he LIED to me. ive been doing really good about not letting him get to me, but he got to me today. i didnt want to do anything all weekend, i wanted a lazy weekend with me and my daughter, so i didnt, i didnt get dressed, i didnt get up... i just played with her and napped. he was there all weekend. he wouldnt leave. ugh.. i just went about my business like normal. he was trying to be nice. well today comes around, and he is getting ready for church, asks to take my daughter so she can play. i said no i had plans and wasnt too sure how much i wanted her in church just yet or how i felt about it. i had let him take her one time before, because i needed sleep so badly between work and school. well he flipped, got pissed. said i never let him do anything with her, that they dont even talk about jesus. then flips to... so any kid i have with you will not be in church...? i cant do this, im done with you, you can get out today, ill call the cops and have them escort you out. i just sat there and said whatever. he then says how much you need? ill go get a loan so you can get out today. says, hey, fuck off, then walks away, then comes back like, is this what you really want? you really dont want us? you really never loved me then... everyone always leaves, no one sticks by me. JOKES on him, ive heard this song and dance before and it was old before it started. now if anything, it PISSES ME OFF. he said, its done, its over, leave it be, let me fix it. im telling him he cant fix it, damage done, i dont believe a word he says now. then he stretches his arm out, and says come here crazy butt, all i wanted was a hug and it hurt my feelings when you didnt give it to me. i still said no, then he smiles, and jumps on me, kissing me, i pushed him and wouldnt kiss him back, he keeps kissing me... and is like oh stop. then gets up and says im sorry for saying fuck off to you, it hurt me, i apologize, im gonna be beating myself up for it all day. then heads out the door.
like seriously? UGH. and there is something inside me, that is very protective of the weak, or even of the world i feel, and i want to just rip him into a million pieces. he is lucky im a mommy cause if i didnt have her to worry about i might just do such a thing. like they REALLY DONT GET IT. they are incapable of change, because they are INSANE and incapable of understanding simple things. like this... YOU LIED TO ME, YOU HURT ME, IM LEAVING, AND IM ANGRY LEAVE ME ALONE. his rationalization is... i know i did, and i was wrong, i love you and talk about you all the time, everyone see's how happy i am, i am so close to achieving my goals, to be the first in my family with a college degree. because ive been so happy at home, i understand i hurt you, but i need your help. everyone leaves me. NO, im not going to counseling, and if you leave its over, just stay. i already fixed it, i dont talk to her anymore, you heard when she called yesterday, she hung up on me (after asking him for forty bucks for a new cell phone) UGH im so annoyed. he makes himself sound so innocent. yah, they are best friends, they cuddle and watch movies together... WITHOUT THE OK OF THE GIRLFRIEND. ugh.
A REAL MAN, would never make the same mistake to begin with, and even if he did, he would own up to it, and let me be, and if he was serious about making it up to me, he would let me go, let me have my space, and then try to prove to me through fixing himself and doign what it takes. knowing that there may never be a chance to be ok again. the 7th cant come soon enough... or whenever my checks get here... i need them asap. sick of this, this will drive me insane.
nice guys dont threaten to call the cops on people simply because they are upset and consider being upset an excuse to their actions. yuck. i wanna barf.
Honey. I wasn't able to completely follow your post. I'm not sure who was doing the talking. But what comes through loud and clear is something isn't right.
From the outside looking in, I am thinking of your little girl. (I am about to post about the impact I've had on mine.)
From the outside looking in, I'm also thinking of you and how you need to trust your gut. Something isn't right, and you know it. Maybe you don't know where it is coming from yet, but trust it. (and it sounds like you already do.)
From the outside looking in, I suggest you get rid of the insanity and all its sources. We all want to feel love and be loved, but this can't be worth it - especially with your young daughter watching.
My greatest wish for me and for you and for all of us is that we love ourselves enough to refuse to be treated in a way that hurts.
If the insanity is to stop, you are the one that has to make it happen. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for your daughter by example. Sounds like you are well on your way.
Love to you, honey.
ppp
I know its not worth it, and what saddens me, is i only know its not worth it through trial and error.... because i have been in this exact place so many times. yes, different person, but all in all its the same.
im just happy that at least in my past, i have had one good relationship regardless of why we broke up, so i know what a sane man does. and well, its not this, people dont change their mind every 5 minutes and act like the previous 5 minutes didnt happen. he even just called me from church to tell me he found a counselor in his pastor, the thing he just said he would never do cause it was worthless.
why did he call me? does he expect my heart to give in and me see that he is trying to do the things i would want? HA... yah right... i dont think so. i felt nothing but annoyance that he would even call to tell me that. maybe im turning into a cold hearted bitch, but i have no sympathy for anyone anymore like that anymore. you dont need my approval, im not your mommy. you are 31 years old. you know what you need to do. he also keeps trying to blame me for him having to move state and not finishing college.
whatever. go. have fun. of course its not that easy, they never really go do they?
Hang in there. The "flipping" from one thing to the next is what they all seem to do. They want to control us so they keep going back & forth. You can do this. Are there maybe friends or family you can stay with until your checks come in? I only say this because not only is he verbally abusing you, but by trying to "force" his affection on you when you have said "no" is very scary situation to be in . I am proud of you for finding the courage to leave. It is a far hard first step. Much love to you...you can do this
I hope you can get out ASAP.
Hugs.
and i am getting out, one way or another, the place i am pretty much garaunteed i think, they are already putting up fences for me and my horses and dogs. i just need to get him the money. like right away, i hope, oh i hope it comes in tomorrow. gonna call and check today on it to make sure its in route, or at least try to. just need this to work out. im exited about the small place. i am. its cozy at least, and no one can bug me. me and my girl and our animals. i guess thats all the family we need.