Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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harmony7 07/18/2011

HI everyone its been awhile since i wrote even though i read the board often.Ive come a long way in my journey partly due to the support of good friends and family and partly due to having found you all being able to vent and seek advice.The knowledge i have learned has been invaluable to assisting my recovery but the one thing that i still find so hard to get around even 9months later is the no response from him,the invaladation.I guess me considering myself to be a normal functioning human being with emotions still cannot grasp how you can share so much with someone and be so close and then without a flicker of an eyelid you are discarded with the trash never to be thought of again.I think of him everyday still even though the pain of my loss has lessened and dont get me wrong im okay with it now i have accepted it is the way it is but i have to ask the question of Do they ever think about us and what we shared with them at all or do they ever have any regrets for what they lost.Do they feel one ounce of remorse for how they hurt us,anything.What are others thoughts on this.

rayvyn 07/18/2011

Harmony, I was married to him for 25 years. Because of adult children, grandchildren (family events) I am not able to delete him from my life permanently. I do not believe that there is ever regret or remorse because it is all about control and manipulation. i still see it from him even though I am no longer stuck in the middle of that wheel. I watch as he plays the same tired old games with others....frustratingly with our own children. I had to come to realize that they each have to determine their own truth about him. Regret and remorse come from acknowledging that you have a mistake...they don't make mistakes everyone else does. Much love to you in your progress...It does get easier as you move forward.

harmony7 07/18/2011

Thank you ravyn i think you have just confirmed what deep down i probabally already know like you said they dont make mistakes.I was his mistake not him mine.You are right it does get easier ,8 months ago i was in such a dark place i felt some days i didnt want to live,These days i have my down moments still over him but i now see hope and i see me again and my needs.I see what i need to heal and move forward.I will not remain a victim through him.

rayvyn 07/18/2011

Harmony, you were not his mistake...you were his target! It was his intent to put out that beautiful light of yours that shines from the inside out. You are not a victim but a survivor.

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
Helen Keller

Much love and light to you my sister!

goingup 07/18/2011

Hey harmony I'm glad you have been doing so much better :). My thought here is, I really don't think they regret anything. If they really felt bad about what they did, they wouldn't have done it in the first place. They consider their behavior acceptable or somehow justified, I think. Even as time passes, they do not regret their behavior, that is one core reason they never change.
I like the harbor the fantasy sometimes that he is living in regret and wants me back...but I realize its just wishful thinking.
Best wishes x

deleted_user 07/18/2011

In many ways I was the sh*thead in our relationship/marriage., He doesn't keep contact, but then, neither do I. I feel guilt, and like I just don't want to pant after someone who doesn't want me in their life. Part of it is that I don't want to debase myself by chasing him and part of it is "F him! I'm outta here"

don't know if that helps, but the truth is I DO often think of him, my emotions concerning him and the relationship are all over the place but the bottom line is I know it's over and truly, what could possibly be accomplished at this point by contacting him?

why put any energy into a relationship when both of us are too sick and or damaged to do any good to one another.

It's convenient to assume THEY have no feelings or thoughts concerning the relationship, but I doubt it's always the case. Like I said, I am a huge sh*thead in our relationship, but I DO have feelings about it.

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