Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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solo60 02/05/2011

I feel like I've had my first real No Contact test and I'm happy to report that IT WORKS! It works well! Yesterday, quite by chance, I passed my xN on the road. I have done much to avoid this, mostly because I was dreading the pain that I knew I would feel. He works nearby and I know his schedule well, I know that he is a creature of habit...always gets to work on time etc...but yesterday must have been an exception. He was leaving earlier than normal. Maybe a business meeting elsewhere. Who knows? Anyway, I passed him on the road near my home. We were both going slowly allowing for the road conditions here. I saw his car coming toward me and I could feel myself stiffen a bit. I could tell by the way he turned slightly, as I passed him, that he was waiting to see if I would wave, which is the custom here in our remote area. I didn't and it felt good. I have not tried to contact him for about five months now. Way back when, I told him that if anything happened between us, I would not be a female that would chase him, and I haven't. That's just my Scots-Irish pride and it served me well once again. I have never chased a man and I stubbornly refuse to now. Especially not him. I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but what I felt was relief. I managed to send a message to him without saying a word and it felt great! I know him well enough to know that my NC will be driving him crazy. Good! I'm glad. If it's called revenge, so be it. I deserve a little revenge. It feels like taking back control to me and that's the beginning of healing. He's the one who lost. He lost me and the most enduring love he could have ever known. I thank all of you who have seen me through No Contact with all the words of support that you share. I feel stronger today. Much stronger! Bless all of you. XXXOOO

goingup 02/05/2011

Hey solo, great to hear you're doing so well!!! Seeing him and being able to keep your cool is a really great sign that you really HAVE come so far!! congratulations for sticking with the healing and getting your results hun!!

solo60 02/05/2011

Thanks, goingup. Whatcha doin' today?

solo60 02/05/2011

I know that I'm definitely in the "revenge" mode right now. Night before last I had a dream that I'd won $174 million on the lottery which is something XN and I used to fantacize about. He would never buy a lottery ticket...I do most weeks...He'd always ask what I'd buy first with the winnings. I'd always tell him how I'd give him half. Not anymore. He would say he wanted a home here on the lake. He'd never had his own home. We'd talk about sharing it...what style it would be....what colors we'd choose. You know...daydreams.And in my dream I got to see the look on his face when his co-workers told him I had won. It was worth a million bucks to see it. If I'm totally honest with myself though, I know I wanted very much to make his dream come true and maybe, deep inside, i still do. I need to get over that. I think the books call that "being a rescuer".

goingup 02/05/2011

Today I'm gonna be working on some music and enjoying the nice weather. The snow is melting where i live...finally! Have a good one

deleted_user 02/05/2011

Hey solo60. Good stuff! I'm at 60+ days and I don't even feel like it's NC anymore, it's just over.

I have a hard time thinking of it as revenge though. He knows I don't want him because I didn't chase him, but I sure as heck don't think he wants me back.

I'm not exactly a prize...chronically ill (though healthy normal looking on the outside) single mom. He can do so much better, at least in his eyes.

IMWHOLEAGAIN 02/05/2011

Yeah booklizard thats only in his eyes, and we know how their veiws are distorted.

Go Solo60 on NC. It's been 6weeks now for me

deleted_user 02/06/2011

solo60 that is such a good feeling to know you are back in the drivers seat. Congratulations. I got a text from my ex on boxing day and I did'nt respond so I know how you are feeling. The whole of january and february has been a down month for me, I miss him alot, I guess it is because last year this time we were just starting. I want that feeling back. When I got the text I actually did'nt feel excited it mostly shocked me as I did'nt expect to hear from him again. I just wonder if he noticed or cared that I did'nt respond. booklizard you have been very helpfull to me. I will pray for your health. He may think he can do better, but like we all agree about on here, is they will do the very same thing to anyone they become involve with, she could be a princess, Angelina Jolie no matter. They are who they are. You are a prize to me and I am sure to alot of other people. Solo60 I do hope you win the millions lol

solo60 02/06/2011

Thanks connection. I'm still riding high on my non response. It has done a lot to make me feel better about myself. The lottery? lol What can I say? I am by nature, a very positive thinking person. At least I used to be. An N does a lot to set that back but it's only a temporary setback.

deleted_user 02/06/2011

Thanks connection. That is so sweet. I think you and I, and many others, are in the same spot right now, and you've all been such a wonderful help. I miss him now more than ever and I don't want to! I need to focus on my health not him.

And go solo60! Win those $$ :) I play too, but have only won 20$ to date *lol*

deleted_user 02/06/2011

Hey Solo, great job!!! NC is VERY empowering!!!

deleted_user 02/06/2011

Book Lizard: RE: I'm not exactly a prize...chronically ill (though healthy normal looking on the outside) single mom.

I have said this 1,000 times. It would not matter if you were a 22 year old Victoria Secret model with an IQ of 160 and 8 million dollars in the bank YOU would still not be good enough for them. Because nobody is good enough for them. Because it is THEM and not us. They would have treated (and will treat) everyone the same way.

Essentially, narcissists are unable or unwilling to trust either the world or other people to meet their needs. Whatever the case, narcissists have made the terrible choice not to love. In their imaginations, they are complete unto themselves, perfect and not in need of anything anyone else can give them. Narcissists do not count their real lives -- i.e., what they do every day and the people they do it with -- as worth anything.) Their lives are impoverished and sterile; the price they pay for their golden fantasies is high: theyll never share a dream for two.

FROM: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html

BookLizard, you may have issues (we all do) but that does not make you any less worthy as a person. You are worthwhile and loveable regardless of your issues. My friend CZ saids (as a joke of course) she is not going to read WWL2M until someone writes the counterbook: Men Who Can't Love at All.

solo60 02/06/2011

That might turn out to be a best seller CZ but I don't need to buy a copy. I feel like all of us have written it already...right here. Thanks to everyone for all your kind words of encouragement.

deleted_user 02/06/2011

Well done Solo! Hearing that is very uplifting for all of us. I haven't seen xn since I left 5 months ago and like you have been avoiding him as his movements are predictable. I hope that I will handle a chance encounter as well as you just did and completely negate his existence.

goingup 02/06/2011

Bwahaha, Men Who Can't Love??
Yep, we've already written this.
Maybe I should send my ex a copy for Valentines Day??
Imagine the look on his face. LOL

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