Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
HI everyone--
I was so excited to see this group! I think my issues are more related to this group than the co-dependent. I am taking a day off of school (to contest a ticket in a few hours) and thought I should try to write. I have been dating a man off and on (and off and on....sound familiar?) for the past 1 1/2 years--Divorced for three years, 20 and 21 year old children. Sober for 28 years, and should go to more 12 step meetings.
I just have no drive to do anything, and could relate to this woman who wrote about apathy or something to that effect. I'm not depressed, and I KNOW what that feels like--Our "dance" so to speak is that he gets closer to me and then pulls away--he is a workaholic and travels a lot, and an addictive personality like myself.
We spent a lot of the weekend before last together (usually only see him every few weeks) and were going to get together for lunch this past Saturday before he flew to Britain for two weeks on business. He was traveling all week and contacted me a lot, and when I called him on Thursday night, he had his "professional" tone and said that the phone works in England, too. When I mentioned so we are not going to see each other as planned he replied "I thought that's why we spent so much time together last weekend because I'd be gone for a few weeks....."
Here's my reaction if I can be honest to say: I got pissed--this is MY pattern. I react....it is from hurt, and I feel that later, but I first react by anger--I hung up on him and called back to say how lousy that makes me feel and ended with a text saying we should keep this relationship casual because this has happened too many times where he hurts my feelings--and I'm going to accept a date for Monday night....
The pattern continues that I feel "good riddance" for a few days, then lousy and remorseful and feeling bad. I don't trust my feelings and feel confused - My main issue has always been about any type of abandonment--whether it is canceling a date, not calling when a man says he will, leaving on business for lengths of time....
Sometimes I think I pick those emotionally unavailable men because I am afraid to get close, anyway. I can spot them a mile away...
I'm sorry to write so much--I appreciate you all being here, and that I can walk through these feelings of being so alone.
I was so excited to see this group! I think my issues are more related to this group than the co-dependent. I am taking a day off of school (to contest a ticket in a few hours) and thought I should try to write. I have been dating a man off and on (and off and on....sound familiar?) for the past 1 1/2 years--Divorced for three years, 20 and 21 year old children. Sober for 28 years, and should go to more 12 step meetings.
I just have no drive to do anything, and could relate to this woman who wrote about apathy or something to that effect. I'm not depressed, and I KNOW what that feels like--Our "dance" so to speak is that he gets closer to me and then pulls away--he is a workaholic and travels a lot, and an addictive personality like myself.
We spent a lot of the weekend before last together (usually only see him every few weeks) and were going to get together for lunch this past Saturday before he flew to Britain for two weeks on business. He was traveling all week and contacted me a lot, and when I called him on Thursday night, he had his "professional" tone and said that the phone works in England, too. When I mentioned so we are not going to see each other as planned he replied "I thought that's why we spent so much time together last weekend because I'd be gone for a few weeks....."
Here's my reaction if I can be honest to say: I got pissed--this is MY pattern. I react....it is from hurt, and I feel that later, but I first react by anger--I hung up on him and called back to say how lousy that makes me feel and ended with a text saying we should keep this relationship casual because this has happened too many times where he hurts my feelings--and I'm going to accept a date for Monday night....
The pattern continues that I feel "good riddance" for a few days, then lousy and remorseful and feeling bad. I don't trust my feelings and feel confused - My main issue has always been about any type of abandonment--whether it is canceling a date, not calling when a man says he will, leaving on business for lengths of time....
Sometimes I think I pick those emotionally unavailable men because I am afraid to get close, anyway. I can spot them a mile away...
I'm sorry to write so much--I appreciate you all being here, and that I can walk through these feelings of being so alone.
Have you read Women Who Love Too Much? It speaks a lot to those abandonment feelings. I highly suggest it if you have not.
The "hyperfocusing"on the man is your issue, the reaction is the secondary issue. A man should be like the frosting on the cake... the sweet part, but not necessary to make a cake whole and wonderful. Focus on yourself right now and try to let go of the urges to constantly connect (I know this is very hard in the beginning.) Take a good inventory of what makes you happy: spending time with friends/famiy? Growing a garden? Cooking? Spiritual work? Art? Do those things in place of obsessing over this man.If he is meant to be in your life, you will see it by his actions. Based on what you wrote only, if he is traveling for work that much, he's not very available for you. Maybe this is a wake-up call to you, to realize what you want and need: a man that is more available for a normal, day-to-day thing. Have the courage to do some soul-searching and admit your truths.
Much luck ~p
I have the book on my Kindle and I will start reading it again. Honestly, not contacting him is like a drug withdrawal, an I know some of you can relate to this strange analogy. I am going swimming with a friend after work today, buying some flowers to pant in my tiny space outside my condo, and then having dinner with my daughter. That is my self-care for the day! And I am promising myself to not get bent out of shape that my son has not called yet on Mother's Day :(