Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

576 Members
8,726 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Women who Love too Much Support Group

My struggle with NC

UndercoverAngel
UndercoverAngel
It has been a week since we have communicated. I have had my finger on the send trigger so many times I can't count. Then I step back and remind myself if he responds I start over. If he does not respond I start over and have an additional kick in the gut. I ripped off the band-aid and deleted our months and months of loving and emotional (up until the last day) texts today. Where I am struggling is FB. I deleted him as a friend, as I made it clear to him I would do, the morning after our "he can't handle me not being there" talk. However- I have been snooping, I know I can only see certain things but I have looked. I look to see if our pics are still up and they are. I can't bring myself to block him. If I am being honest it is partly because I want him to look at my page, I know - that is sad, wrong, and unhealthy. I need to block him to protect myself. He has tagged his brother (one of my dear friends) in things so it will show on his page and knows I can see. I know this because the pics refer to inside jokes between us.

I ignored red flags, he hurt me, and I miss him. Dammit.
lucidak
lucidak
UndercoverAngel. You are doing well. And I found it easier doing the letting go by stages. I disabled my FB account for a while to avoid talking to anyone and then when i felt strong enough I went back online and unfriended him. The pictures I left there for a while longer and when a friend of his liked certain pictures of his tagged on my FB, I got very upset and realised it was time to untag or delete all the pics I had of him. Then yesterday that same friend looked up my LinkedIn profile which was still connected to his. That made me upset again and I removed him as a contact.
You are honest about your reasons for not blocking him on FB. But if each time you do snoop, it causes you pain then maybe it is time to take the next step? As an act of love for yourself???
UndercoverAngel
UndercoverAngel
I think all of this got stirred up because I had lunch with a friend today -also his brother's girlfriend - and she told me he was in Florida golfing with his roommate. She said she wanted me to know he was OK and nothing that would hurt me has shown up. I can't see that on his page and it made me a little crazy. Plus he was supposed to be spending the week with me here. I thought about deactivating my account for a bit and I have done that with other relationships in the past. However - that would prevent me from keeping up with certain updates I need (gym, etc,) I know I need to block him but know that is the last connection I have.
AgentSmith
AgentSmith
I can completely relate. I was constantly checking his facebook even though I had long deleted him as a friend. Every time I saw his facebook, I would get so jealous of ANYTHING he was doing, anyone he made a comment to, "liked" a post, etc. Anything. I was driving myself crazy.

I kind of did was lucidak says, I did it in stages. Each time we went through and on/off cycle, during the "off" part, I would delete something else. First it was our relationship status on fb, then it was our friendship altogether on facebook, then his contact info from my phone (which got re-added 3x). The final time, I deleted him from my phone, deleted and untagged everything to do with him on facebook, blocked him, deleted him from g+ and blocked him, deleted all emails, pictures, etc. I'm forcing myself not to look him up online and try to keep tabs on him. It's hard. Yesterday was really tough but I managed not to do it.
UndercoverAngel
UndercoverAngel
So far I have deleted the background off my phone, the cute little emoticons by his name in my contacts, deleted as a FB friend, took his favorite sports teams off my scores alerts (much of our conversation was sports), and today deleted the slew of text messages - that one hurt since our main long-distance I need to delete and untag myself out of FB pics (he still has them all up, then block his butt. Oh yeah - then there are all pics on my phone :-/
belle8194
belle8194
If you don't want to permanently delete them just remove them and put them in a private folder. That is what I did and it seemed to help.