Oh, harmony, hold up! :)

You feel so wounded and beyond repair because these kind steadily, incessantly, relentlessly deliver blows to your very essence. We are feeling a void, an emptiness from the loss of hope . . the loss of a dream . . . that's all - not the loss of him, the abuse, the hurt. So, now, this void . . . be gentle with yourself - grieving happens in cycles. Allow yourself to grieve. You've suffered a debilitating blow - but not one you can't or won't heal from.

Remember, this is your opportunity for transformation.

You're not crazy harmony7. Maybe you loved the good things about him. And its the bad things about him that caused you to leave. Maybe I'm still in 'traumatic bonding' because I feel there were things I genuinely loved about my ex and it wasn't all a lie. What he said to you about being broken beyond repair is incredibly abusive and wrong. You are not broken beyond repair. You will find happiness and comfort again. I say that because I am finally starting to feel genuinely happy again and I was convinced I never could. Just stay strong and hold on. You will get there. Are you in therapy? There's a good book I have NOT read but I'm planning on getting to soon called "Its My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship" which apparently helps deal with getting our lives back on track and also working through the feelings we have for them.

Here's a link to the book if you are interested:

http://www.amazon.com/Its-My-Life-Now-Relationship/dp/0415953251/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306768856&sr=8-1

Best wishes.

Harmony, just now I am feeling so sad too I found some of my stepkids drawings and photos and just cried and cried. My husband said I had 'destroyed him far worse that his ex-wife ever did' which isnt true because apparently he blamed her for seeing another man and no doubt his filthy rages and anger directed at everything especially me came from that ..... maybe in retrospect, she had just cause to? I have no answers, he has cut me out without saying goodbye or even caring if I am alive or dead, how can that be after 2 and half years of loving him ,and being driven to the edge of reason by his behaviour so that I felt I was going mad, and that my life had come to a standstill. I love him with all my heart, I just want to know he still loves me even tho he wrote that he doesnt. The hardest part is did he ever love me, I have many cards from him saying how much he loved me? What do I do with all the things that are a part of the two of us? I pray everyday that God will intervene and bring us back together. I know what you are going through, it is a pain which defies description! (((((((Hugs)))))))))) 2Butterfly

You may need to get on anti-depressants. I fought it and fought and finally had to get some drug therapy. You are showing signs of clinical depression.

Also you may want to get the book: Beytral Bonds - Breaking Free from explotative relationships by Patrick Carnes. We have to sever bonds with anyone who does not hold our heart and its highest and greatest good.

He is a horrible person, who lied, cheated and has no morals. Do not for 1 minute take his words and form them into truth. If he did not tell the truth about anything else, why would he tell the truth about you?

Thank you all for your support and kind words.I know i have already come along way its just i still have really low days sometimes.SusyP im already on antidepressants i might have to get it increased.2butterfly i know it will never make sense to you,me or any of us how they can destroy someone that they are supposed to have loved and discard us like trash.But this experience i know has happened to me for a reason and im sure now its my lifes lesson to never again after this one will i ever tolerate such abuse and stay in a relationship where i am not or my heart held at the greatest and highest good.Ive just ordered some books from Amazon that have been suggested to read from others in our group.The sociopath next door,A dance with the devil, Snakes in suits. Has anyone got any feedback on these books.Hugs to all.

I read the Sociopath next door, very good book...Unfortunately, I saw my ex has having these traits. My therapist thinks he is both Narcissitic and Sociopathic... ughhhh and yes I still have moments where I MISS him...today being one of those days...but I know he is not well..and it will never be

I'm sorry you're having a terrible day. I haven't read any of these books and really I'm more into learning about me rather than digging into what makes him tick. You need to focus on you right now! It makes me so mad to read all these posts where these rotten horrible men have treated all of us like garbage. We are so worth more!! Why do we sit back and allow them to do this to us. You are a good person and do not...NOT...believe one word he said to you. He is not man enough to handle you and has to bring you down with words in order to make himself feel strong. That my dear is a weak, weak man. He is weak and damaged. Damaged people damage other people. Don't allow him to damage you further with these memories...look forward only. Life can be beautiful if we let it. It's a choice.

Oh Harmony, we know how you feel and we're here for you. I love all of the book recommendations here...think I'm going to check out some of them myself! Taking anti-depressants, like SusyP recommended, might be a good idea for a while. My Mom calls it "taking the rocks out of your back pack." Anti-depressants aren't a long term solution because you still need to do the work in learning to love yourself and cultivating a healthy bond between you and yourself but they might help you get through this time of relationship-grief. I wish for nothing but the best for you! Big Hugs!