Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
This is what my recent ex wrote to me to say goodbye basically. i dont know what to think. he was a nice guy, it wasnt a bad relationship, just a safe one, and well, i was ready for more in life... but its so hard to leave a safe place... but let me know what you think.
HERE IT IS
So here it is. I need to get a few things off my chest that wouldn’t be said if I tried in person. Why can’t I talk to you, you ask well here is the short and skinny of it. You don’t listen; or rather you wait for your turn to talk. During your wait if you hear something that offends or angers or even hurts you, you shut down, you cry, and then at that point I might as well be talking to a wall. Successful communication as your shrink laid it out, is not knowing how to talk but know how to communicate to you intended audience. This is something I have been able to do very well, until I met you. I try so very hard to not say things to anger or upset you. I try to sugar coat what I say to you in attempt to keep you happy. In an addition to that I also try to show to you that I understand what you’re trying to say to me. Hence the recapping which you take as me telling you what you feel or what you’re saying. By me say “so what your saying is …” has been a very successfully way for me in the past to understand others point. For the past two years I have been banging my head against a wall to try and just talk to you and not get into some ridicules fight because you got offended. So I bite my tongue. In biting my tongue I have lost interest in talking to you because I know that any moment you could very easily be offend and angry. I am a very flirtatious easy going funny guy, but with you I can’t be. My best guess as to why is because your so caught up on what everyone else thinks and what everyone else as done to you that you have been blind to who I am and what I am doing for you.
I do love you. What I love about you is you’re a very intelligent, very artistic, very funny and when you want to be and don’t give a shit about anything a very easy going girl. You have this innocence that is very aggravating and alluring all at once. Your naive to the advances of men which drives me insane because here you are giving them your number because you think they just want to be friends when really all they want is a piece of ass. For sake of whomever you move on to next please pull you head out of your ass stop thinking of just yourself. Relationships don’t work that way, as this one has be ground into the shit because of that way of thinking. Believe it or not I do like hanging out with you when you’re not “in your mood”. Which by the way is an all too convenient cover story for your just feeling like being a bitch. Yes I said bitch get over it or stop acting like one. Also as much as I want to be the one breaking you in to this but your whole way of having sex is aggravating. For the last two years I have been board…. Yes you are very good at getting me to cum. But that is not what makes sex good. The unfortunate truth is the best sex we have had was sadly after we broke up the first time and you were doing anything to get me to come back and that lasted what twice. That was the first and only time… wait there was the first blow job those were the only times I felt you actually wanted me. By the way in your book that you wrote me you said that I would be getting at least one blow job a week, which never happened but that is irrelevant. You should do yourself a favor and learn to get yourself off without the assistance of another. Yes I am talking about masturbation. I bet you feel a lot better in the long run when you can rub one out or at least know how to point Mr. happy into the right direction. Oh and looking back on it you said I never opened up to you except for one time and that time was when I was telling you how beautiful you are and how much I loved you. Yes you are a selfish person and that’s what you need to hear to make sex good for you. Sadly I came to the realization to late and apparently never voiced my feelings in a way you could understand.
Well my thoughts are now clouded because we are currently fighting over texts. So I guess this is how I end this. Good bye good luck. Get over life because no one gets out alive anyways. Hopefully with the passing months we can get over what will undoubtedly turn into a pretty big fight between us. I do love you. You are and most likely will be the only one I have or will ever love
HERE IT IS
So here it is. I need to get a few things off my chest that wouldn’t be said if I tried in person. Why can’t I talk to you, you ask well here is the short and skinny of it. You don’t listen; or rather you wait for your turn to talk. During your wait if you hear something that offends or angers or even hurts you, you shut down, you cry, and then at that point I might as well be talking to a wall. Successful communication as your shrink laid it out, is not knowing how to talk but know how to communicate to you intended audience. This is something I have been able to do very well, until I met you. I try so very hard to not say things to anger or upset you. I try to sugar coat what I say to you in attempt to keep you happy. In an addition to that I also try to show to you that I understand what you’re trying to say to me. Hence the recapping which you take as me telling you what you feel or what you’re saying. By me say “so what your saying is …” has been a very successfully way for me in the past to understand others point. For the past two years I have been banging my head against a wall to try and just talk to you and not get into some ridicules fight because you got offended. So I bite my tongue. In biting my tongue I have lost interest in talking to you because I know that any moment you could very easily be offend and angry. I am a very flirtatious easy going funny guy, but with you I can’t be. My best guess as to why is because your so caught up on what everyone else thinks and what everyone else as done to you that you have been blind to who I am and what I am doing for you.
I do love you. What I love about you is you’re a very intelligent, very artistic, very funny and when you want to be and don’t give a shit about anything a very easy going girl. You have this innocence that is very aggravating and alluring all at once. Your naive to the advances of men which drives me insane because here you are giving them your number because you think they just want to be friends when really all they want is a piece of ass. For sake of whomever you move on to next please pull you head out of your ass stop thinking of just yourself. Relationships don’t work that way, as this one has be ground into the shit because of that way of thinking. Believe it or not I do like hanging out with you when you’re not “in your mood”. Which by the way is an all too convenient cover story for your just feeling like being a bitch. Yes I said bitch get over it or stop acting like one. Also as much as I want to be the one breaking you in to this but your whole way of having sex is aggravating. For the last two years I have been board…. Yes you are very good at getting me to cum. But that is not what makes sex good. The unfortunate truth is the best sex we have had was sadly after we broke up the first time and you were doing anything to get me to come back and that lasted what twice. That was the first and only time… wait there was the first blow job those were the only times I felt you actually wanted me. By the way in your book that you wrote me you said that I would be getting at least one blow job a week, which never happened but that is irrelevant. You should do yourself a favor and learn to get yourself off without the assistance of another. Yes I am talking about masturbation. I bet you feel a lot better in the long run when you can rub one out or at least know how to point Mr. happy into the right direction. Oh and looking back on it you said I never opened up to you except for one time and that time was when I was telling you how beautiful you are and how much I loved you. Yes you are a selfish person and that’s what you need to hear to make sex good for you. Sadly I came to the realization to late and apparently never voiced my feelings in a way you could understand.
Well my thoughts are now clouded because we are currently fighting over texts. So I guess this is how I end this. Good bye good luck. Get over life because no one gets out alive anyways. Hopefully with the passing months we can get over what will undoubtedly turn into a pretty big fight between us. I do love you. You are and most likely will be the only one I have or will ever love
I just read in Scott Peck's book . . . to attempt to love someone who does not beneift from your love with spiritual growth is a waste of your energy. I think your relationship with him was a waste of energy and he feels no remorse but is sad to lose his comfort.
i really like that saying, Scott Peck you say? whats the book title?
Thanks dbp
The Road Less Traveled is the name of the book.
What I hear him saying is that he felt he had to walk on egg shells around you for fear of setting you off. If you remove yourself from the personalization of these words, you can sit quietly and see if there is any truth to that statement. Without any insult to you Dracona, I would bet there was some truth in those words simply because you started this relationship in such an extremely hurt place. I could see where you would be constantly testing him by acting out to see if he would leave.
Also the part of him not feeling desireable also rings true to me because you have told us all how unappealing he was to you sexually.
I think a part of this letter is also that he is hurt and is wanting to inflict hurt but try to take what can be true from this letter and use it to benefit yourself in future relationships.
I have no idea of the full on dynamics that went on between the two of you but if there is any truth to what he says then I think you must look at those things he is speaking to and work on them so you can heal and truly love the way you want to.
it doesnt mean i dont love austin. cause i do. we dont communicate. at all. i try to tell him how i feel, and he comes back with, so what you are really feeling is.... and when he gets it wrong, he refuses to listen anymore, just says well you really mean to say this. and its done from there. all this came about, because he went to a swinger sex party, and banged some random chick in every way, then felt bad because he at taht point realized he missed me, and realized what he didnt do all this time for me, and is now wanting to talk and make things work. its too late. i dont have any energy left for this. ive tried so hard, and i love him so much, but what can i do? wait and hope he changes? no. we all know how the waiting and hoping goes. and ive waited a long time. I want another child. he doesnt. for some of you this is repeat, but for those looking for a background on the situation, there it is.
as far as the sex thing, i wasnt attracted to him much, because well, i like my men showered and clean underwear at least, and when a dirty large man comes poking you with something, wearing the same underwear for days, its not very attractive, and i had told him ways that would help me be more attracted to him, and it made him rebel even more against it. but i am incredibly happy hanging out with this new person, i never knew it could be so easy to just talk to someone. im being careful. but right now im ok with it all. i miss austin, i love him. but another thing that i think killed us, was, well, i was pretty much his first relationship. he never really knew how to compromise, or truly treat a woman, and i dont blame him for it, but for him, compromising seemed like a defeat, when there was really nothign to battle over.
i really hate being someone's learning experience.